The Deity Generator- A Death is the New Pink: Going Medieval on Yo Ass Table


Deity Art 1

Note: For the original Death is the New Pink, click here.

Religion still exists in the Yet-to-be-Wasted World, but many Medieval Meat Bags are bitter and wary of deities, as none manifested to stop the Calamity.

Instead of a list of deities, what they oversee, and their followers this is a table to generate the deity’s form, special feature, sex, and size of religion.  Once these have been figured out by rolling on the table, the player decides the name of the deity and what the deity oversees/is responsible for.

Deity Art 2

Deity Generator
Roll 1d20 Head Torso Arms Legs Special Form
1 Cow Skull Mass of Tentacles Constantly Dripping, Churning Mud Gorilla Wreathed in Fire
2 Ball of Light Exposed Ribcage Humanoid Tentacles Nothing
3 Giant Eye Human Body Wolf Elephant Halo Around Head
4 Gorgeous Human Wolf No Arms Gorilla Body Covered in Blinking Eyes
5 Exquisitely Sculpted Rock Exposed Muscle Lion Humanoid Burning Heart Floats Around Head
6 Battered Porcelain Doll Elephant Snakes Wolf Spikes Bursting From Flesh
7 Elk Gorilla Tentacles No Legs Massive Two-handed Weapon
8 Moose Skull Shapeless Blob Humanoid, Powerful and Muscular Skeletal Burning Eyes
9 Wolf Mass of Writhing Worms Elephant Constantly Dripping, Churning Mud Batwings
10 Three Human Heads Constantly Dripping, Churning Mud Smoke Exposed Muscle Four Arms
11 Elephant Diminutive Body Humanoid, Thin and Stunted Goat Expensive Jewelry
12 Mass of Writhing Worms Body of Veins Crab Claws Lion Eagle Wings
13 No head Body of Living Bees Skeletal Chicken Four Legs
14 Angry Human Body of Smoke Long Bumpy Tongues Humanoid, Slimy.  Runs Like Molasses Suspended From Hooks and Chains
15 Gorilla Lion Two Human Heads for Hands Humanoid, Powerful and Muscular On a Throne Carried on the Backs of Halflings
16 Squid Three Human Bodies Merged Together Humanoid, Covered in Feathers Humanoid, Thin and Stunted Impressive Crown
17 Humanoid Head, Empty Chasm for Face Humanoid, Rotund Belly Constructed of Weapons Smoke Nothing
18 Mass of Wiggling Fingers Humanoid, Covered in Feathers Oozing Slime Spider Legs Scorpion Tail
19 Bleeding Heart on Neck Serpentine Exposed Muscle Constructed of Weapons Gargantuan in Size
20 Goat Mass of Wiggling Fingers Elongated Snail Eye Stalks Rests in Meditative Position
Deity Gender: Roll 2d3- 2) Female; 3) Male; 4) Both; 5) Neither; 6) Everything
Size of Religion: Roll 1d20- 1-4) Just you; 5-10) Small group of believers; 11-14) Devoted cult; 15-17) Good sized following; 18-19) Large following; 20) A predominant religion

Deity Art 3


Example Deity 1

Name: Veper

Deity of: God of battle and carnage

Head: Mass of Writhing Worms

Torso: Human Body

Arms: Skeletal

Legs: Constructed of Weapons

Special: Massive Two-handed Weapon

Gender: Male

Size of Religion: Small group of believers


Example Deity 2

Name: Ghastpra

Deity of: Disease, longing, and patience

Head: Humanoid Head, Empty Chasm for Face

Torso: Three Human Bodies Merged Together

Arms: Long Bumpy Tongues

Legs: Humanoid, Slimy.  Runs Like Molasses

Special: Rests in Meditative Position

Gender: Both

Size of Religion: Devoted cult

Deity Art 4


Death is the New Pink: Going Medieval On Yo’ Ass Session One- Into the Forever Dungeon

Yesterday we kicked off playtesting two new Death is the New Pink projects I’m working on.  The first is Death is the New Pink: Going Medieval on Yo’ Ass and the second is The Forever Dungeon.  I did a post the other day with a little info on DitNP: GMoYA and The Forever Dungeon.


Liam– Human- Mort (Morty for short)- Level Ye Olde Weenie

Muscle Up! for being human- I am the Bringer of Death– When you kill a target you are able to make another attack (this can go on and on if you keep killing the target).

Starting Equipment– Scythe, Vial of Poison, Flashbang Powder Pouch, Human, Believes Sculpting Their Mashed Potatoes Means Something, Doodad (Frozen Tears of the Spoiled Princess)

Frozen Tears of the Spoiled Prince(ss): There once was a spoiled prince(ss) (or maybe he/she was just really sad) and he/she cried and cried and blah blah blah.  Anyways, these tears are magically frozen and when one is thrown at a target they must succeed a BAD save or become frozen for 2d6 rounds.  If the target is at 0 HP and fails their save, they are permanently frozen.  *If you start with this Doodad from a Starter Package, start with 2d2 of these.

John– Human- Cheshire- Level Ye Olde Weenie

Muscle Up! for being human- Ninja– You can hide in shadows that normal people could not.  Also when you make a successful Back Attack (pg XX) you add your level as bonus damage.

Starting Equipment- Short Spear, Sling, Epic-Looking Helmet Made of Antlers, Necklace of Monster Teeth, Human, Fierce and Wild-looking, Killer (Muscle Up!)


Chad– Half-orc- BJ Orc (friends call him Bjorc)- Level Ye Olde Weenie

Race Stuff: Increase your BAD to 13 if less was rolled.  Fearless: You ain’t afraid of shit. You are immune to fear effects.  Two-handed Fighter: You grew up knowing how to handle large weapons.  When using two-handed melee weapons you gain +2 to damage, but doesn’t suffer +2 to attack (pg XX); Orkish-Resistance: Once per day you can become enraged, gaining Resistance (pg XX) to all physical damage for a number of rounds equal to half your BAD score (round down).  This is a free action on their turn.

Starting Equipment- Maul, Spiked Braces That Look Fucking Metal, Half-orc, Pouch Filled With Small Ceramic Animals, Doodad (Decoy Mixing Powder)

Decoy Mixing Powder: Add hot water and stir for two rounds- creates a squishy version of you that enemies will attack (and eat) unless they succeed on a MOXY save.  What flavor are you, roll 1d6: 1) strawberry; 2) lime; 3) orange; 4) raspberry; 5) blueberry; 6) pineapple mango banana (yummy).  *If you start with this Doodad from a Starter Package, start with 2d2 of these.

Quick Start

Nasty Mimi

We made characters and then started with a summary of the group getting a drink at Nasty Mimi’s Hooch Parlor and figuring out how to make some quick gold bits.


The group of green behind the ears Medieval Meat Bags decided it would be best to Forever Dungeon for their first official run and get some Doodads, booze, and Gold Bits.


What is The Forever Dungeon

No one knows who built the Forever Dungeon, and let’s face it- no Medieval Meat Bag worth their weight in smoked sausage gives a shit.  It’s a twisting labyrinth of rooms; some constructed of drab grey stone, others of smooth obsidian, others made of large vibrantly green jade bricks, and others of cool metal with alien technology infused throughout- so on and so forth.

Riddles and puzzles, traps, Nefarios, Gold Bits, and most importantly, Doodads, can be found throughout the rooms of the Forever Dungeon.  Medieval Meat Bag after Medieval Meat Bag runs into this dangerous dungeon in the hopes of striking it rich or nabbing a powerful Doodad!  Many don’t make it out, instead ending up a bloody smear on the ground.

However, there’s a couple catches (isn’t there always?): First- almost every time the Forever Dungeon is vacated of Medieval Meat Bags, it seems to rearrange itself (that’s just mean, right?!), so it makes mapping the damned thing impossible!  Second- you may think you made it big with a bunch of powerful Doodads, but there is a pretty good chance they are illusions that only function when you’re in the Forever Dungeon.  The moment you walk out the door: poof, they’re gone!  Not all Doodads are illusions though, and that’s what keeps Medieval Meat Bags going back, time and time again- like rats in a maze hitting a button for a fucking food pellet!

Into the Dungeon

Entrance– The band of Medieval Meat Bags walked through a hallway and came to a door at the opposite end.  Nothing of interest encountered.  Bjorc opened the door.

Dead Elf Room- The door opened and the group saw the dead body of an elf; his chest crushed with a large object.  Morty looted the body and found a collection of colorful rocks.  He sighed and gave Cheshire, who had a sling.

The group headed east.

Aside: I used my Loot Die Drop Table to generate any objects found on the body and it worked really well.  By telling the players that they could choose how long they search the body, which allows them to possibly find more goodies, but comes with increasing risk worked! 

The Creepy Jack in the Box Room- As Bjorc entered the room a lazy, creepy version of Maple Leaf Rag echos through the chamber.

A large box is in the room and the handle is turning slowly.  The music ends and a giant Jack pops out of the box.  Bjorc goes to investigate and the Jack attacks, smacking the shit out of him.  Morty is caught off guard and is unable to act this round.  The fight took Bjorc out of commission (although he didn’t die) and they were able to finish off the Jack (sounds dirty) after a few rounds.  It was a good first combat and a refresher on DitNP combat.

The group searched the room and decided to head north.

The Mirror Room- In this room was a dusty mirror with a pink frame.  The group tried to avoid the room.  Morty looked in the mirror and saw himself even more awesome than he already is, gaining +1 to MOXY for the session.  Cheshire avoided the thing altogether and Bjorc looked in it and saw himself as a haggard son of a bitch, but suffered nothing else.

The group headed east.

The Room of the Three Doodads- The group walked into this room and saw doors leading west and north and along the southern wall, three dais, upon each rested a Doodad.  One held a maul with a pink handle and skulls with spikes coming out of the eye sockets on the flat parts of the hammer.   Another held a viking helmet with horns.  The horns didn’t end in tips however, but were flat and had circular openings.  The final one housed a laser gun.  The group talked among themselves and decided who would get what.

Morty went after the helmet and picked it up with no problem and got: Dwarven Horned Party Helmet: The greatest and heartiest of warriors don this helmet.  The copper metal dome protects the noggin, while the elongated bull horns give it a fierce appearance. The horns are magically enchanted to always be full of tasty Dwarven Brew. The horns can be turned upside down so the tips are pointed towards the wearer’s mouth, allowing easy hands-free consumption of the brew.

Chesire went after the maul and nabbed it and got: The Mangler: This maul’s (pg XX) attacks always land in the targets genitals. The target must succeed a BAD save or be stunned for 1 round. If the target takes critical damage, it’s bad. Really bad.

Bjorc went to the ray gun and went to grab it, but his hand passed through it.  A hologram!  He was able to jump back just in time to avoid the lightning bolts that would have fried his ass to crispy chicken level.

The group headed west.

The Fish Hook Room- The group entered the room and saw a human-sized fishhook.  On the end was a parcel.  Bjorc couldn’t contain himself and jumped on the hook and attempted to wrestle the package free.  He felt the hook jerk and was able to let go just in time as it disappeared through the ceiling of the dungeon, which rippled like a stone hitting the water, and then went still again.


The group moved to the north door and Bjorc, in a fit of pouting rage after losing the package, kicked it open.  The loud noise attracted the attention of a Nefario in the south room.

The southern door crashed opened and a massive orc lumbered into the room, carrying a shield, a two-handed maul in one hand, and came to fuck shit up.



BAD 16, DSS 10, MOXY 8, HP 16, AP 2


Orcs are massive creatures with green skin, beady red eyes, giant tusks, ham-sized fists that they use to punch the shit out of soft weak Medieval Meat Bags (1d8 damage), intimidating spikey armor, shields (pg XX), and over-sized weapons (almost as if they are overcompensating for something, right?!  Weapons deal 1d10 damage).  Orcs smell like garbage and death and take pride in that.  Orcas are immune to fear effects and once per combat an orc gains resistance to all physical damage for 1 turn.

Aside: One thing that has always bothered me about orcs in D&D is they are portrayed as huge vicious fighters- and they are- for the first level (maybe two levels), but then after that- they are kinda meh cannon fodder.  I want orcs to be a scourge and something that’s terrifying for a Medieval Meat Bag at Ye Olde Weenie Level or even up to Grand Poobah Meat Bag Level.  Based on the fight last night- I think I achieved this.

The group set to wailing away on the orc.  This fight was fucking hard as hell.  Cheshire got off a hit in the opening round with the Mangler, busting the orc right in the balls, stunning him.  This let the group get some attacks in with Advantage.  Eventually the orc started swinging and Cheshire went down (but didn’t die), and Bjorc was nearly killed.  Morty blinded the orc and snuck up on him and got a back attack and critically succeeded, killing him.

The group looted the body, took the shield (shields absorb the damage of two attacks before being made useless) and went north.

The Room of the “Know Know Bird”

In this room was a large flamingo in a wooden cage.  It talked.  The group approached it carefully.  It asked to be let out.  The group asked why they should do that.

“Ah come on guys.  You lemme out- you get something in return.  I’m good for it.  You lemme out and I’ll answer one question each about the dungeon.  My name is the Know Know Bird.  I know shit, know what I’m sayin’.”

Aside: I did a voice and motivations very similar to a character in Hawaii 5.0 for some reason.  Scumbag guy with a mullet.  I said the flamingo had a pink mullet…  Why not, right?

After the group let the Know Know Bird out, they asked their questions for information, and moved on.

The group went west.

Crazy Helga’s Den

Bjorc asked where he could get some supplies.  The Know Know Bird had pointed them to the western door, to Crazy Helga.

Crazy Helga

Crazy Helga collects stuff.  She wanders The Forever Dungeon and picks up stuff from the dead bodies.  She sells stuff too… for a decent price or a future favor.

Bjorc bought some Healing Vapor Rubs, Morty bought a book called, “Dum Dum’s Guide on How to Pick up Chicks” and Cheshire bought some drugs: Nightshade Goblin Nuggets (150 GB, drug): Smoked, allows you to use one Mystic power once (roll randomly for power) and gives you Advantage on saves against Mystic abilities for 1d4 hours.  Once drug has worn off make a MOXY roll.  If save fails, permanently reduce MOXY by 1.

The group headed back through the Know Know Birds room to the east to find the wizard that held an invisibility cloak.

Snail Boy Room

In this room the group fought an anthropomorphic snail creature that had the legs of a child and the upper body and shell of a snail with hands with long claws.  The group was getting their butt kicked by the creature, but eventually hit it (it only had 1 HP and a 9 BAD score).  They killed it.

Snail Man

During the fight Cheshire had smoked his drugs and could cast the spell Poison Heart

Poison Heart: You remove the heart from a dead body and work necrotic magics into it.  The heart becomes rotten, vile, and really ichy!  You can throw this nasty piece of corpse meat at another target, who must succeed a BAD save or suffer 1d20 Bad damage.  The heart explodes upon impact and releases poison cloud in 10’ radius for 2d6 damage to all (no save).

Cheshire then cast the spell on the heart from the Snail Boy and Bjorc cut off the creature’s shell.

The group headed east.

Dead Head Room- The group came across three severed heads and another body nailed to the wall in this room.  Bjorc stuffed the three heads into the snail shell and they moved on east to the next room.

The Room of the Heavy Metal Wizard- Sitting on a metal throne was a wizard with a stupid pointy hat covered in stars and moons, petting an imp.  In his other hand was an epic guitar.

“Who dares enter the throne room of the Heavy Metal Wizard?!” The wizard held up the guitar and sparks shot from the neck!

Heavy Metal Wizard

I love this picture.  Found it here

The group talked with the wizard for a few minutes.  Bjorc offered the severed heads to the wizard.

“Those were my previous band mates!  They were fucking lame!  However… I do miss them.”  The wizard took the heads and put them on the throne, “you’re home now guys.”

Morty then offered a book on how to pick up chicks in exchange for his invisibility cloak.  The Heavy Metal Wizard asked to look through the book and then, if it held the promises Morty was making, he would offer up the cloak.  Morty agreed and handed the book over.

The Heavy Metal Wizard started thumbing through, “Oh… I see!  Yes.  It’s so simple!  You just have to pretend to give a shit about what they’re saying!  I get it now!  Oh yes!  Here- take the cloak!”

With the cloak in hand, the Heavy Metal Wizard created a portal for the group to head back to Flotsam.

The group caroused (that’s how you get back lost ability score points).

Bjork burnt down a shack (Cheshire saw him do it) and got a magical tattoo.

Cheshire joined a medieval bowling league and went on a drunken shopping spree, going in debt and buying a bunch of shit he didn’t need.

Morty got drunk and fell down a well for a few hours and found a hidden stash of Gold Bits and a few items in the process.

And that’s where we wrapped up the session for the night.

As I was doing with my Barrowmaze campaign, I will be running this for both my group concurrently and see how their shit fucks with one another!


Here’s the final layout for the dungeon

Carousing Rules

Pink are positive outcomes, white are neutral or negative outcomes.

You can gamble 1, 2, or 3d6s.

Drop the number of dice you choose on the chart. If the die is on a line, it is moved into the box which the die occupies the most.

Add all the numbers together and x by 10. That’s how many Gold Bits you blew on your bender!

Death is the New Pink- Going Medieval on Yo Ass Carousing Table

What is Death is the New Pink: Going Medieval on Yo’ Ass? Oh and Here’s a Loot Die Drop Chart!

I’m about done with the first draft of Death is the New Pink: Going Medieval on Yo’ Ass (DitNP: GMoYA), which is the “fantasy” version of Death is the New Pink!  Now that I’m nearly done with the first draft I can start playtesting it.  I will be running my group through the Forever Dungeon.

What is Death is the New Pink: Going Medieval on Yo’ Ass!

DitNP: GMoYA is a fantasy version of Death is the New Pink.  It is inspired by rpgs like Earthdawn and Warhammer and movie

This strange, zany, twisted, and bizarre world setting uses a mash-up of the fun Into the Odd rules by Chris McDowall and The Black Hack by David Black plus my own variations/house rules and is inspired by Tank Girl, Mad Max, Adventure Time, the Evil Dead Trilogy, and RPGs like Earthdawn and Warhammer Fantasy Role-playing Game.  Players take on the roles of Medieval Meat Bags that wander the twisting, packed and malformed streets of Flotsam, travel through this newly formed jungle world on various beasts of burden, or catch a ride on a zeppelin (should they dare).  Their goal: to find Doodads, obtain materials for trade, or to cause mayhem, death and destruction just for the sake of it.  Medieval Meat Bags have lost everything, their world is gone, and the new one is filled with horrific creatures and strange inhabitants, nearly all whom want to kill and devour the tender body of a Medieval Meat Bag, so the prospect of death is common and accepted as par of course.  Death is the New Pink: Going Medieval on Yo’ Ass! is brutal, bloody, and chaotic.  Things should be kept fast-paced and it’s more than fine if it doesn’t make sense!  Character death is fairly common and should be embraced; a particularly blood death should be applauded and celebrated!  Enjoy spreading chaos in the Yet-to-be-Wasted World (trust me, eventually it’s gonna go tits up… big time)!

The State of the World

“It was pretty bad… the skies turned upside down, the air became fetid and choking, my insides boiled, and I wretched until there was nothing left but dry heaving.  And then nothing… Just empty darkness.  I awoke covered in my own filth and someone had drawn huge genitals on my fucking forehead!  That’s why I don’t dare drink Nasty Mimi’s hooch anymore!  You’d have thought I’d have learned that after I got drunk on the stuff and got a giant tattoo on my back of me snugglin’ a kitten!  Anyways, the way I felt after drinking that hooch was nothing compared to how I felt after waking up from The Tanks.

No one really knows how it all started, but basically every fucking bad thing you could imagine happening happened.  The seas turned red, the skies boiled, death and disease, violent earthquakes, robot overlords (I didn’t even know what the hell a robot was until one blasted off my damned leg with their laser beams!), the undead rose up and walked the earth, horrible mutated beasts wandered the wilderness stalking us, demon princes spewed forth from the bowels of hell, killer clowns (have you see how scary those fuckers are?!), human sacrifices, cats and dogs living together, mass hysteria, and worse all happened at once!  We call it the Calamity.  Simple, right?  Gets the point across…

No two ways about it; we were fucked.  The great sages concocted a plan to save us.  They called it The Tanks.  These large vats were built in underground vaults constructed by the dwarves and filled with slimy alchemical liquids brewed by Mystics and elves.  The chosen few (don’t ask me how I got on that list- I thought I was gonna die) were strapped into seats (they weren’t very comfortable) and submerged into the goo.

The idea was we’d sleep for just long enough for the evil crazy fucked up shit going on around the planet to burn itself out and we’d emerge, well-rested mind you, and reclaim our world.  The sages anticipated that we’d sleep for two hundred years… well the jokes on us because we slept for two thousand years and all those crazy evil bastards are all still here.  Now there may not be as many nasties as when it all started, but there are still plenty out there wanting nothing more than to fuck our faces with lasers, wear our hearts as jewelry, or lay eggs in our chest cavity!

The world as we knew it is gone!  It’s all about setting out and killing the bad shit, finding Doodads to make us stronger, and getting piss drunk to blur out the horrors.

Anyways, all of this really isn’t important- I mean really- who cares about how the world got this way?  The reality is at some point you’re gonna end up a bloody smear on the ground!  It’s kill or be killed.  Might as well fucking enjoy it!”

The Forever Dungeon

No one knows who built the Forever Dungeon, and let’s face it- no Medieval Meat Bag worth their weight in smoked sausage gives a shit.  It’s a twisting labyrinth of rooms; some constructed of drab grey stone, others of smooth obsidian, others made of large vibrantly green jade bricks, and others of cool metal with alien technology infused throughout- so on and so forth.

Riddles and puzzles, traps, Nefarios, Gold Bits, and most importantly, Doodads, can be found throughout the rooms of the Forever Dungeon.  Medieval Meat Bag after Medieval Meat Bag runs into this dangerous dungeon in the hopes of striking it rich or nabbing a powerful Doodad!  Many don’t make it out, instead ending up a bloody smear on the ground.

However, there’s a couple catches (isn’t there always?): First- almost every time the Forever Dungeon is vacated of Medieval Meat Bags, it seems to rearrange itself (that’s just mean, right?!), so it makes mapping the damned thing impossible!  Second- you may think you made it big with a bunch of powerful Doodads, but there is a pretty good chance they are illusions that only function when you’re in the Forever Dungeon.  The moment you walk out the door: poof, they’re gone!  Not all Doodads are illusions though, and that’s what keeps Medieval Meat Bags going back, time and time again- like rats in a maze hitting a button for a fucking food pellet!

Looting the Body

To find out what is on the body of a fallen Nefario, a player can roll 2-6 d6’s on this table.  Whatever square the die occupies the most is what the player obtains.  If multiples are rolled (i.e., two 3’s, four fives, etc.) then that means the item is cursed, trapped, or a random encounter occurs.  If a die rolls off the table, it counts as finding nothing on the body, but the number still counts towards determining multiples.  Feel something is unique– just cross it off and write something in it’s place.

Here’s the PDF: Death is the New Pink Loot Die Drop Chart PDFDeath is the New Pink Loot Die Drop Chart


Old School Revival +5 Bundle of Holding is Waiting for YOU!

Recently Bundle of Holding launched a new deal- the OSR +5!  There are tons of great RPG products in this bundle including… GATHOX Vertical Slum by David Lewis Johnson and published by DIY RPG Productions!



What do you get in the Bundle?

Currently this is the stats!


  • The Nightmares Underneath
  • Mortzengersturm (also an awesome fucking product by Trey Causey!)
  • Gathox Vertical Slum
  • Red Tide



  • Index Card RPG
  • Dragon Kings
  • An Echo, Resounding
  • 2016 Dodecahedron Cartographic Review
  • The Crimson Pandect
  • City of Poison

Currently $25.48 to get both of these collections!

Don’t wait!  Now’s the time to nab this awesome collection!



Barrowmaze Season 6- A Druid Joins the Party- and Then Dies. Oh and Treasure!

My online group got together for the first time in nearly two months (damn the busy schedule!) and got to play some more in our Barrowmaze campaign.

The Party

  • John- Half-demon Paladin (follower of Sylvanus)- level 2
  • Liam- Half-orc Cleric/Ranger (follower of Sylvanus)- level 1
  • Gene- Dwarf Warrior- level 2
  • Fletch- Gnome Druid- level 1

Not Present

  • Omar- Human Paladin (follower of Sylvanus)
  • Chad- Halfling Thief- level 2
  • Nate- Human Warlock- level 1

We started with the group deciding whether to carouse or not.  Liam and Gene decided not to, but Fletch was all for it.  He ended up getting a work of art tattoo on his back.

Aside: I was super excited to have the group carouse, as it would let me get to use my new Carousing in Barrowmaze stuff!  Alas, only Fletch choose to…  Oh well- another time!

Liam got some new chainmail as his armor was destroyed last session and then the group decided to explore the Barrowmounds again.

Barrowmounds Map Online

This is a map I’m making on Hexographer.  Red icons are explored or at least ventured into.  Black are ones that have been spotted, but not traveled to.

Barrowmound 1 

barrow mound photo

Mound sealed. Group came across grave robbers (10 of them).  Gene attempted to sneak up on them, failed, and was discovered.  He smoothed things over and leave.  Met up with Fletch and Liam.  They decided to watch these grave robbers open the mound, get eaten by whatever was inside, and then attack.  Five grave robbers entered the mound and then screaming was heard, “oh god!  They are killing us!”  One human ran out of the mound and a ghoul leapt out, smashing the fool’s face into the mud and drowning them.  The five remaining grave robbers fled.  The group rolled really well and killed two ghouls before they even got to act.  Decided to go inside.  A child ghoul dropped down from the ceiling and petrified Fletch (in boar form).  Gene critically failed the attack roll and stabbed the petrified Fletch, killing him.

  • Found gold and Assassin’s Dagger- small hole in handle to load vials in so no risk of accidentally poisoning self. Liquid travels down rivets in blade and is released when a target is stabbed.

Barrowmound 2

Mound sealed. Broke through with sledgehammers, did not attract trouble.  Broke in and found a sarcophagus.  Opened it and was attacked by a zombie.  Gene decapitated the fool and then they stole the ring on its finger and some pouches of gold.  Fletch’s new character (a survivor of the grave robbers killed in Mound 1) set the corpse and sarcophagus on fire.

Barrowmound 4

Mound sealed. Broke through with sledgehammers.  They did attract trouble (five corpses of the grave robbers from Mound 1).  Inside was a large sealed stone sarcophagus.  Group went to work busting it up with sledgehammers.  Set upon by 5 zombies.  Fletch and Gene got chomped on a few times before killing everything.  Found a wooden sarcophagus inside the stone one.  Picture of beautiful woman on the wood.   Burned everything.

  • Treasure found- four expensive bottles of perfume.

Barrowmound 7

Mound sealed by beautiful brass doors covered in filigree pattern. Liam and John noticed that a skull symbol (they recognized it as the symbol of Negral, God of Death) manifested itself in the center of the doors (no one else could see them).  Liam convinced Gene to touch what he couldn’t see (sounds like a bad sex joke).  Gene touched it and the skull became visible to all.  The filigree pattern wilted away to reveal small pentagrams.

Aside: At this point Gene and Fletch had to leave.  John, Liam, and I decided to play a little more.

Barrowmound 15

Mound sealed. Broke through with sledgehammers, did not attract trouble.  Large open barrow.  Doors to west and east are contained by rusty portcullises.  Found a secret door to the north.  Found a valuable urn (poisoned trapped- John succeeded save and didn’t die) and a locked chest with treasure!  Looked at two passageways and saw they were half or fully submerged with water.  Liam said, “I have a problem with water and bloated bodies.  Let’s leave.

  • Treasure found- Gauntlets of Dexterity (Liam took).

Barrowmound 14

Ebony wood double doors with intricately carved door handles resembling writhing worms. Group didn’t like this.  Ventured inside.  Found two pools of brackish water.  Discovered fading and damaged frescos on the walls of people bathing in two pools.  John said, “fuck that!”.  Went to doors at north, west, and east.  All locked.  Marked it as a place of interest to return.

This was a good stopping point.  The group went back to town.  They got experience and healed up.  John gained level 3.

The Graveyard


Liam- Elf Wizard (1st level)

Stan Human Torch Boy (Hireling)

Jamie- Halfling Paladin (1st level)

Nate- Human Warlock (1st level)

Chad- Halfling Thief (2nd level)

Samuel DaMule, Torch Boy (Hireling)

Kevin- Human Thief (2nd level)

Fletch- Gnome Druid (1st level)

Barrowmaze Season 5- Muck, Blood, Angela Lansbury Tattoo, and… Hey- No One Died This Time!

My Rochester delved once again into Barrowmaze!

Note: I am using my homebrew rules for The Black Hack to run this.  For more information, click here.


  • Emma- Elf Ranger
  • DJ- Dwarf Fighter
  • Tyler- Halfling Thief
  • Angie- Dwarf Druid
  • Nate- Half Demon Warlock
  • Sammi- Half-elf Wizard
  • Kevin- Human Thief

Couldn’t Make It

  • Jamie- Elf Cleric (Deity is Silvanus, the Green Man)
  • Katie- Half-elf Warrior

The group started about by carousing.  My next group (playing on Sunday) will get to use my carousing table made specifically for my Barrowmaze groups!  I’m pretty jazzed to give that a go.

A few peeps annoyed the local constable, but avoided serious trouble.  Sammi had a grand time.  Angie one big money at the Gambling Hall.  Tyler made an ass out of himself, but didn’t attract too much attention.  DJ got a tattoo of Angela Lansbury on his ass.  She has dicks for eyebrows.


The group woke up the next morning and decided they were too poor to hire out any help or buy any health potions or ANYTHING…

The group decided to shake things up this time and explore the Barrowmounds.



  • Black obelisk of crumbling stone. Glowing runes etched on sides.  Carved skull with candles in eye sockets.  The obelisk is recognized as honoring Nergal.  Kevin (half-orc paladin of St. Ygg) decides it’d be a good idea to blow out candles.  Fails Luck roll.  An angry voice bellows through area, “You dare defile this holy land!”  A Corpse Coffer appears.  Sami successfully casts sleep on it and the party runs.

Barrowmound 18

  • Group finds remnants of dead toads (from battle in online group). Mound previously plundered.  Knee deep fetid water.  Discover a large fist-sized ruby under the water (this was missed by online group).

Barrowmound 21

  • Group punches through wall and finds two stone slabs with the skeletal remains of a human on each, a decaying shall resting atop the bodies. The stone slabs each housed a secret compartment.  Skeletons animated and were immediately slain before they could act.  Treasure found: gold (Nate the half demon warlock stole it while no one was looking), an unidentified dagger, and two unidentified scrolls.

Barrowmound 20

  • Group finds mound already plundered. Explores inside and finds a stairwell leading down into the Barrowmaze.  Group decides to head down and explore the new area of the maze.

The Maze

Room 50

  • Group goes down stairs and finds large centipedes crawling on wall. Emma kills one with an arrow and Sami again successfully casts sleep, putting them all down.

Room 56

  • Encounter a ghoul on ceiling while walking to this room. It is killed quickly thanks to high initiative rolls.  Find graffiti in room, “They are coming.”  Angie casts “Alarm” on a mouse and sends it into room 57.


Room 57

  • Room is empty save for a few dead bodies of animalistic-looking humans (mongrelmen).  Group finds a little bit of gold on the bodies and finds a secret door to room 92.

Room 91

  • Third Session- Group searches long hall and discovers several burial mounds. Searches through them and finds riches and isn’t attacked.

The group headed back to Helix and divided up the treasure and got XP.  Angie was the only one who leveled up (pays to carouse and be the GM’s wife- means she’s always at the sessions).

We will meet up again in November.  I run Barrowmaze for my online group on Sunday!

Carousing in Barrowmaze

In my current Barrowmaze game, carousing is one of the things we do to kick off each session.  I love the carousing table created by Jeff and Zak.  I built off of that one for this (and I did one for Hubris years ago).

I’m using The Black Hack mechanics for Barrowmaze, so that is reflected below.

Feel free to use!

Carousing in Barrowmaze

Carouse 1


Characters shrug off the horrors found in dungeons by delving deep into a pint of ale, mead, whisky, or whatever alcoholic beverage comes their way.  If characters are willing to pay gold and take a gamble on what happens for the evening, they gain XP.  When a player carouses they roll a die and spend an amount of gold equal to what was rolled x 100 gp.  The die rolled corresponds to how large the city is: 1d4 for villages; 1d6 for a town or city; 1d8 for a metropolis.  The character then must succeed on Constitution-based save.  If the number rolled on the die is higher than their level, they suffer Disadvantage to the roll.  If the character succeeds roll on the night passed without incident and a good time was had by all.  If the character fails they roll on the Carousing Mishaps Table.


The amount rolled on the die also equals the amount of XP gained for carousing.  If the player doesn’t have the actual amount of gold spent, they receive only half the XP gained and are now in debt to someone.



Carousing Mishaps Table

1- You make a complete fool out of yourself in public.  You gain no XP.  Roll a Luck roll.  If successful you suffer -2 to Personality rolls for 24 hours.  If the Luck roll failed you gain reputation as the drunken lout and all Personality rolls are made one step lower on the die ladder for the next 1d4 months.
2- Get into an epic pub brawl!  Roll 1d3: 1-2) there are an equal number of brawlers to party members; 3) There are 1d4 more brawlers to party members.  Party members suffer -2 to attack for being drunk.
3- A slight drunken misunderstanding with the local constabulary that results in a fine of 2d8x10gp.  Failure to pay said fine results in 2d10 days in jail.
4- You wake up in bed with someone… roll on Wake Up in Bed With… table below.
5- You lose an additional 1d10x50 GP in gambling loses.
6- You drank and celebrated and were the life of the party.  Roll a Charisma save- if you fail, you manage to be forgotten and fade into the mists of inebriation.  If you succeed on the roll you become the stuff of legend and all future carousing in this location cost double for the next month due to people who glom onto you for free drinks and revelry (however you gain double the experience).
7-8- You insult a notable person of importance.  Roll on Local Person of Rank table.
9- Sharing mugs, swapping spit (or worse) isn’t the smartest thing…  You picked up a disease!  Roll on the Diseases of Hubris table (pg 232).

10-You get hammered and decide it’s a great idea to get a new tattoo: Roll 1d8 1-2) PC chooses; 3) GM chooses; 4) player to your left chooses; 5) player to your right chooses; 6) PC carousing with you also gets the same tattoo; 7) PC chooses, but the tattoo artist botches it terribly; 8) PC chooses and the piece is a work of art.
11-The drunken player boasts about their vast amount of riches (whether true or not) and is set upon by a group of opportunistic thieves when the PC is alone (resolve combat as normal).  Roll 1d4: 1) 1d3 level 1 thieves; 2) 1d2 level zero mooks; 3) 2d2 level zero mooks; 4) 2d5 level zero mooks, but after 1d3 rounds two city watchmen get involved in the fight.

12-Make a Luck roll: Success- You were set upon by thieves that attempted to mug you!  You were able to fend them off and didn’t get harmed.  Failure- You lose 1d10 items, 2d100 GP, and take 1d6 points of damage.
13- You wake up with the hangover from hell.  All rolls (including spellcasting) are made with Disadvantage for 1d4 hours.

14- In your drunken stupor, you managed to upset a witch…  She casts a horrible curse upon you (the curse lasts until cured).  Roll 1d4: 1) turned into a goblin; 2) turned into a pig/goat/cat/or hawk; 3) become clumsy (suffer Disadvantage to all Dexterity rolls); 4) Bad luck (only 5-6 are successes for you on Luck rolls).
15-You joined a local organization… It’s kinda foggy on which one you joined, but you somehow remember all the secret codes, handshakes, and passwords.  Roll on Local Organization table below.
16-You had a night of gambling: Roll 1d6: 1) You bet on an arm wrestling match and won!  1d10x2 gp; 2) You bet on a boxing match and lost!  2d4x10 gp; 3) You bet on a boring chess match and won!  3d6 gp! 4) You went to an arm wrestling match that went OVER THE TOP!  Resolve with normal combat!; 5) You won big at a pie eating contest!  1d100 gp; 6) You went to a cage match- a giant spider VS a poodle…  You bet on the poodle… sure thing, right? Wrong- lose 2d100 gp!
17-Wake up stark naked in local temple, roll a 1d# on the Local Organizations table below.
18-Someone slipped you a love potion.  Roll on the Local Person of Rank table.  Effect lasts for 1d10 days.
19- You got yourself in some sort of mess while in your drunken stupor and begged and whined to your god to get you out of this mess… Unfortunately for you, your god heard and answered you.  Now they are demanding you go on a quest for them.

20- You manage to start a fire in your drunken idiocy.  Roll 1d6 twice: Part One- 1-2) burn down your favorite inn or tavern; 3-4) you burn down some other den off ill-repute; 5-6) you burn down a large portion of the town.  Part Two- 1-2) no one knows what you did; 2-3 your fellow carousers know what you did; 5) someone else knows and are planning on blackmailing you; 6) everybody knows and are quite angry…

 Carouse 2

Local Organizations (Roll 1d6 for deities only)

1- Herne the Hunter

2- Silvanus (AKA The Green Man)

3- Crom

4- Arcentryl

5- St. Ygg

6- Orcus

7- Thieves’ Guild

8- Silver Standard Merchants Caravan Co.

9- Mercenary Guild

10- Secret Cult to Orcus


Local Person of Rank (2d8)
2- Priest of a local religion- roll 1d6 on the Local Organizations table for the deity.
3- Billworth Turgen (halfling, merchant)
4- Vanarous (half orc, constable)
5- Osen (Guild master of Mercenary Guild)
6- Hanabis (Plague Doctor from distant lands)
7- Harold Humen Huffpuff (Halfling, jeweler and money lender)
8- Ballo (human, owner of Brazen Strumpet Tavern)

9- Taycee (human, barmaid)

10- Helga (human, barmaid)

11- Merda (half elf, barmaid/healer)

12- Pernicious “Perni” Ticklebottom (halfling, owns Gambling Den, and connections to black market)
13- Mazzah the Magnificent (human, eccentric wizard- will identify items for a price and sells trinkets)

14- Karg Barrelgut (dwarf, blacksmith)

15- Yargna the Witch (human, hedge magic user)

16- Burg Sawtooth (dwarf, woodcutter)
Wake Up In Bed/Smitten Subtable (1d)
1- A succubus- make a Luck roll- Success- she’s satisfied; failure- she’s not satiated and she’s angry.
2- A dead person: Roll 1d2- Even) random NPC (roll on favored NPC generator); Odd) roll on Local Person of Rank table
3- “Apparently” a normal attractive member of orientation-appropriate gender
4- Randomly determined other PC (neither remembers anything)
5- S/he’s ugly. You’re married.  Hurray!
6- (Roll again on this table.) You’re married.
7- Goblin female who loves you
8- Half demon who is filled with regret.
9- Most important NPC in game
10- A witch.  Look at the size of those warts!
11- Roll on “Local Person of Rank” table
12- Priest/ess of…Roll 1d6 on Local Organizations Subtable

13- A strange and hauntingly beautiful apparition.

14- A reoccurring villain of the game… they open dialogue with “so… what are you thinking about?”

15- A halfling crime boss.

16- A manifestation of yourself, but opposite gender.