The Armadite Race for Barbarians of the Ruined Earth

With Matt Hildebrand and myself hard at work on the preliminary layout of Barbarians of the Ruined Earth (cover art here), I’ve started writing a supplement for the book (as this will take time to do).  I’ll have some new races, house rules, monsters, Sorcerer-fiends, packed into this baddy!

The first one that I wanted to do was an insect-type creature.  I always dug the Kreen  in Dark Sun and wanted to do something in that vein.  However, I didn’t want to do a beetle or a praying mantis, because those are in so many different RPG books, so what to do…?  I know…  An anthropomorphic roly-poly!

Here it is, enjoy!

Awwww… Look at how cute it is!!

 

ARMADITE

Armadites are the result of a Stupendous Science accident involving a broken canister of secret ooze and a colony of pill bugs.  These cute little roly-pollys grew into 7’ anthropomorphic creatures.  As the ages passed, the creatures named themselves Armadites, honoring their scientific Ancient Earth heritage and developed a proud warrior shamanistic culture.  Armadites paint their carapace with intricate symbols (some taken from Ancient Earth pop culture or commercials) and revere Terramancers (pg XX).

“Predators seek us, yet we stand resolute.  Raiders attack and we show our resolve. We flow with the wind, move with the earth, and our rage burns like fire.  Our spears are sharp, our armor thick, and our people proud.”

Starting HP: 1d8+4

Hit Points Per Level/Resting: 1d8 HP/lvl

Weapon and Armor: All Shields, Clubs, Swords, Maces, Spears, Axes, and Bows.

Weapon Damage: 1d6/1d4 Unarmed or Improvised

SPECIAL FEATURES

Armored: Armadites have thick chitin armor which gives them hearty protection in combat.  They have 2 RP.

The armor on their back is somewhat thicker, meaning they do not suffer extra damage from sneak/back attacks.

Four-Armed Fighter: Armadites have four arms, they can hold several weapons (or objects) at one time.  They can hold up to four one-handed weapons, two small shields, two two-handed weapons, or a mix of all three.  Large shields are too bulky to hold two at once.

An Armadite can make two attacks per round with ease.

If the Armadite is wielding four one-handed melee weapons they attack with a flurry of four blows against one (or two) targets.  All four attacks are made with Disadvantage.

Rolling Attack: As an invertebrate, Armadites can fold in on themselves, becoming a sphere of their tough chitin armor.  While in this state Armadites can attempt to roll over a target, dealing damage.  They must succeed a Dexterity roll.  If successful, the attack deals 1d10 damage.

While in this form, the Armadite can decide to absorb the damage of a single attack as if a shield were equipped (BotRE, pg XX), but it immediately pops the Armadite out of their ball and they must succeed a WIS save or be stunned for 1 round.

Antenna: The antenna of the Armadite is very sensitive and allows them to detect vibrations.  They make any test against detecting ambushes or hidden foes with Advantage.

Multi-legged: The Armadite can get on all its legs and travel faster than normal, moving up to Not-so-Nearby on their movement or Far Away if they move twice.  Up to two medium sized humanoids can ride on the back of an Armadite.

Leveling Up:

Roll all Attributes to see if they increase, roll twice for STR or DEX

STARTING EQUIPMENT

CHOOSE TWO*: Short spear, short bow, short sword, two-handed sword, axe, mace, or spiked club

ARMOR: None.

ADDITIONAL ITEMS: Ammo for ranged weapon if taken, rations (d6), waterskin (d6), bedroll, torches x6 (d6), and healing salve (1 HD of HP restored).

*All starting weapons are made of wood, bone, or stone. For each weapon, there is a 15% chance it is made of metal (i.e., the arrowheads, the sword blade, etc.).

INTERESTING TRINKET (roll 1d6): 1) A headdress of leather and antlers worn by a kind Ecomancer; 2) A box of Ancient Earth acrylic paints (they are still good!); 3) A leather saddle that fits your back; 4) An Ancient Earth Civil War saber; 5) A gorgeous set of Ancient Earth Russian Dolls; 6) A box of fire crackers (1d8 Usage Die)

LIFE EVENT (roll 1d8): 1) You were a slave and escaped; 2) You were destined to be chief of your village, but were driven out by a rival; 3) Pig Raiders wiped out your village; 4) You encountered a Cosmic Being (choose one, pg XX) and hear its desires; 5) You killed a skilled warrior in a warring Armadite tribe; 6) You were part of a scouting party that helped find your tribes current home; 7) You glimpsed the Horrible Bear Monster (BotRE, pg XX) and lived to tell the tale.  Many of your hunting party weren’t so lucky; 8) Your brood mother was killed and taken in a Vulturefolk (BotRE, pg XX) attack.

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Barbarians of the Ruined Earth Just Got Itself a Cover (and a Character Sheet too)

Matt Hildebrand knocked this motherfucker out of the park!  I really appreciate all his hard work on the whole project!  Matt and I really wanted to convey that Thundarr the Barbarian-type feeling with this and he nailed it!

Barbarians of the Ruined Earth is a fantasy post-apocalyptic setting inspired by Thundarr the Barbarian, Pirates of Dark Water, Mad Max, etc.  It uses a modified version of The Black Hack rules. KICKSTARTER COMING IN THE NEAR FUTURE!!

Matt also designed an awesome character sheet for BotRE!

Here’s the PDF version: BotRE_CharacterSheet_color_v3

 

Barbarians of the Ruined Earth- Session Two- The Plight of the Gulpmongers

This adventure our group continues their adventure towards the town of Stinky Peat, all believing they are seeking answers on how to defeat the Chimera, but are really traveling to the town so Ashak, who lied to them about what the spirits told him, so he can try the best burger in the swamp.

 

Players

Liam- Ashak- Death Priest

Omar- “Tip Toe” Tyron Thompson- Scavenger

Fletch- Shaw Shir- Vek

Kane- Vyvyan- Barbarian

John- Vinsmoke the Sorcerer (Alt Casting Rules)

Unable to Attend

Gene- Beastman

Kane did this in photoshop.  Inspired by the Young Ones show

 

I’ll I Want is a Stupid Burger

The session begins with the group about to cross the land bridge of Lake Pontchartrain so they can quickly get to Stinky Peat.  As the group set foot on the bridge, the sounds of bodies landing on rusted cars, water splashing, and croaking greeted their ears.

The group turned to see 10 frog beastmen had appeared from the waters of the lake, surrounding them.  The frogmen had spears and swords made of wood, bone, and stone.  Some had weapons fashioned from Ancient Earth rubbish.  The heroes drew their weapons, ready to do battle when a deep croaking voice cried out, “Wait…  Do you mean us harm?”

Vyvyan, afraid of nothing, said, “No.  We are on our way to Stinky Peat and needed to use this bridge.  Is it yours?”

“Yes.” Replied the croaking voice.  A large brown hand splashed out of the water, followed by another, then the huge squat head and rotund body of a 10‘ tall toad man lifted from the waters.  Finally, the creature pulled all of itself from the water and landed with a thud on the crumbling concrete.

“The bridge is part of our village.  We are call themselves Gulpmongers.” The toad beastman issued a warbling croak, echoed by the frog beastman.  “I am Mog.  Chief of my people.”

“You look like you can handle yourselves in a fight.  Might yo–”

“Well that’s debatable.” Said Vinsmoke.

Mog cleaned his throat, “Might  you listen to our plight?”

Mog explain the Gulpmongers have been hunted by a band of raiders.   In the past, the Gulpmongers have always been able to stand toe to toe with the raiders, suffering only minor losses, but since the band moved into an Ancient Earth factory to the southwest of the lake, the Gulpmongers haven’t stood a chance.

“These humans have found new and powerful weaponry and armor.  All of it looks like mirrors.  All our stone arrows and spears bounce off of them uselessly.  Their sharp jagged swords pierce our flesh, and they take my people to be slaughtered or enslaved.”

“If we help you…  what’s in it for us?” Asks the barbarian.

“We have something that will very much interest the village of Mardi Grass and its peoples.  We have an orb that we believe belongs to the Luminescent Mother, a being I believe you all worship.  If you help us, I will give this strange object to you.  It will be considered a symbol of friendship with the Gulpmongers.”

“Annnnnddd some coin?”

The chief looked irritated, “And 500 ceramic coins.  They are white, minted by sorcery of Tygham the Fearless- ruler of the Swamps.”

The group agreed and Mog sweetened the pot by giving the group two Gulpmonger warriors to accompany them.

With that the group turned around and headed to the base of the raiders.

Best Laid Plans + Impatient Banging on Front Door/Bad Rolls = Pain, Bleeding, and Crying

The group made it to the factory, a rectangular two-story building, without incident and saw three raiders outside, moving around patrolling.  All three of the raiders were dispatched quickly, but not exactly quietly.  As the band of heroes approached the front door another raider opened it to see what was going on.   Seeing the heroes walking up the raider shouted, “Oh shit!” and slammed the door.

Vyvyan walked confidently up and banged on the door.  The group then hatched a plan.  Vinsmoke would open the door and Vyvyan would toss in an exploding hedgehog (see below) and that would take care of any raiders laying a trap for them.

This part of the plan went of perfectly.  Vinsmoke opened the door, revealing the faces of three shocked raiders and Vyvyan tossed in this cute lil soon to be exploded hedgehog and shut the door.  An explosion shook the building.

Explosive Hedgehog: These small hedgehogs are flung at a target from a sling.  When they strike, they explode, dealing Class damage to the target.  The explosion is powerful enough to destroy thin wooden walls.

At this point this is when things started to kinda go downhill.  Now COMPLETELY aware of intruders, the raiders fortified their positions and made it harder for them to be killed.  The second in charge, Mr. Mustachio, threw an explosive hedgehog at the group.  Vinsmoke had held his action and acted by casting a spell enveloping the creature and tried to fling it back at the group… and he rolled a 1…  So the hedgehog bounced against the door and landed at their feet… and John rolled a 10 on damage.  BOOM.

Captain Mustachio is gone, but not forgotten!

The group was hurting and barely maintaining from that point on (they also lost their NPC Gulpmongers, attack dogs, and warriors from Mardi Grass).  They all hunkered in a room for an hour, rested, and got a few HP back.

The group took some time to look around the group saw some of the mirror armor and weaponry that the Gulpmongers had described.  The group took a few pieces and set off downstairs.

The sound of a large squeaky wheel echoing off the walls.  The group saw a huge hamster wheel, on it was a rotting undead giant rat (this was Liam’s idea from the collaborative world-building).  The wheel was sparking sickly greenish-yellow electric bolts that traveled along transistors.  Eventually, when enough energy was built up, a loud hum filled the room and with a whoosh the energy traveled down wiring under the ground.

As the group looked around, the leader of the raiders, a dastardly hillbilly Scavenger, 2nd level, lurked in the shadows while the group descended into a large basement. With him were two undead giant rats and his son, a wet-behind-the-ears-raider.

The fight was hard, but not as hard as it could have been.  Ashak used his curse ability and against the leader, causing him to lose several rounds of action.

Curse: The Death Priest must succeed a WIS test to curse a living target. The target is cursed for 1 hour. Each time the character must make a decision roll 1d8: 1-4) do nothing; 5) act normally; 6) attack ally) 7) flee for 1d4 rounds (do not roll during this time); 8) attack self.

When the leader finally acted, he pulled a jagged mirror blade from a scabbard and released a volley of shards of glass at the group, causing heavy damage.  The group pelted the leader with arrows, shotgun blasts, magic, and swords- most of which, even when paralyzed, bounced of off him harmlessly.

“Fools!  This armor and sword were a gift from Shanton, the Sorcerer of Mirrors, for my loyalty!  I cannot be beaten by the likes of  you!”

Eventually he was.  Vyvyan took the sword and someone else took the armor (can’t remember who though).

With the raiders broken, the group made their way back to the Gulpmonger village, retrieved their reward of 400 ceramic coins and the glowing orb.  The group decided, considering how battered and blood they were, to head back to Mardi Grass to recoup.

When the group arrived there was concern at their return and bloodied appearance.  Vinsmoke offered an explanation as the group made their way to the shrine of the Luminescent Mother.  Vyvyan placed the orb in the statue’s hands.  The hands of the statue closed on the orb, then parted.  The orb in the statue’s right hand, the left open and empty.  The statues left eye will glow yellow like the orb.  The right blank stone.

The group heard a voice echo softly on the wind.

“You are close.  For I am one- yet two.  You have found the Light Orb.  It is life, love, and health.  Yet I am missing the Dark Orb.  It is death, anger, and decay.   I am the cycle, the beginning and the end.  Find the Dark Orb and I will grant you a gift.”

The group asked if the Luminescent Mother knew where the orb was.

“I sense the Dark Orb lies forgotten in the ruins of a human settlement to the West.”

The group knew of talk of such a village… the ruins of the village Laundr-o-Mat to the west.

This is where we ended for the evening.

Next session the group now has several plot hooks to decide on.  Will the group continue to Stinky Peat to find the best damned burger in the swamps?  Will they attempt to find the Dark Orb in the rancid haunted ruins of Laundr-o-Mat?  Or will they seek information on this Sorcerer of Mirrors?

Find out next time on:

Barbarians of the Ruined Earth- Session One- Attack of the Chimera

Aside: I’ve been rewatching Thundarr the Barbarian recently, analyzing the episode structure- this is for a future BotRE book- and jotting down notes on the various locations, monsters, goals, etc.  So many episodes will have enemies that are flying robots, molten magma men, mutant overseers, sorcerers, etc… In an episode I just watched called Wizard Wars (awesome episode) cracked me up, because one of the enemies… midgets- yep there is no getting around that these are the rejects from the lollipop guild…

Oh sure they call them “Sand People”… but you know…  You know who and what they are.

 

Anyways- enough of that…

Last session the group finished the creative world building and we decided we would start in the town called Mardi Grass close to the ruins of New Orleans.

Here’s the town map:

And here’s a map of the surrounding area:

Session 1- There’s Trouble Brewing

Note: I will put all creature stats at the end of the recap.  If the monster has a “*” in front of its name, then it will be in the BotRE book, otherwise I created it specifically for the session.  

Players

Liam- Ashak- Death Priest

Omar- “Tip Toe” Tyron Thompson- Scavenger

John- Vinsmoke the Sorcerer (Alt Casting Rules)

Unable to Attend

Fletch- Shaw Shir- Vek

Gene- Beastman

The session started with the group slogging through the swamp with Mama Cleo.  Several days ago hunters from Mardi Grass spotted a large chunk of the moon, that had crashed nearby during the calamity, was glowing red.  Mama Cleo took the group, especially the Sorcerer Vinsmoke and her disciple, Ashak, to investigate.  She was worried about this strange omen- the moon rock only glows prior to the arrival of the Chimera, once every 30 years.  It’s not supposed to glow fir another 10 years.

Mama Cleo explained the situation, “the last time the Chimera showed up, I was a young woman- just understanding my gifts…  the Chimera is a fearsome beast; we believe it was once a man, but now corrupted and ferocious.  It has the head of a man, with long mandibles like a beetle, large leathery bat wings, the body of a bear, with the legs of a massive boar, snakes for arms, and a tail that shoots flames from Hell. Every 30 years it descends from the sky and snags some of our kin and then leaves to feast and slumber.  We are powerless to stop it.  Of course the brave, and ultimately foolish, warriors have left to track it to its lair.  None have returned.”

Eventually the group came through the clearing and found the huge chunk of rock glowing vibrantly red.  As the group got closer, the moon rock hummed and pulsed for a brief second before red lightning arced out, a bolt struck a rusted bicycle and another a VW Bug and two washing machines (because you know it makes PERFECT sense for two washing machines and a VW Bug to be near each other in a dilapidated post-apocalyptic setting- don’t dispute me!).  A third bolt shot off through the trees.

All the rubbish struck became suffused with red light and transformed into monstrous automatons!

This fight was fun.  Both enemies resembled humanoid shapes.  The bicycle had a wheel for a head capable of disarming any who attempted to attack it (sadly no one attacked the creature with a melee weapon!- oh well, best laid plans and all that), while the car/washing machine creature was the heavy hitter.  Belching smog and its washing machine arms chugging, filled with soapy swamp water.  Once per combat it could open a washing machine and release a spout of water at a target, knocking them prone.

After two rounds a scream issued somewhere beyond the trees.  Vinsmoke looked around and saw Fiona, the daughter of his friend Cobb, pressed against a tree, recoiled in terror from a similar monster to the ones they faced- a bunch of garbage joined together, resembling a hideous inchworm-like creature, towards her.  The head of the monster a large old oak trunk, snapping hungrily.   Vinsmoke immediately left the group to fight the bike and car monsters so he could go to Fiona’s aid.  He used his magic to summon spikes up from the muddy ground, attempting to impale the beast.  Sadly, the spikes did not pierce the creatures armor, but it lifted the trash inchworm  up, causing it to lose its balance and fall prone on the ground.  Vinsmoke got a free attack with his Sorcerer’s staff.

The fight lasted a few more rounds, but eventually the heroes were victorious.  Panting from the fight, they began to bandage their wounds, but their rest was cut short when an explosion echoed in the distance and a terrible, spine-tingling roar met their ears.  Mama Cleo stiffened, “No… The Chimera has arrived.”

The group rushed back to Mardi Grass and found it under siege of the Chimera.  Several buildings were on fire, bodies lay on the ground, unmoving.  The beast stood in the center of town, two unconscious humans limp in its snake arms.

High overhead disgusting birdlike humanoid creatures circled the scene.

Gorn was SUCH a fucking cool enemy in Thundarr I totally had to take inspiration from it!- From episode 17, City of Evil

Several villagers, including Nomi, leader of the small town guard, were pointing spears at the Chimera.  It lazily flapped its wings, sending a huge gust of wind out, knocking everyone over.  The Chimera opened its wings, let out another roar, and took to the skies with its freshly caught prey.

As the Chimera left the buzzard creatures sped to the ground, looking for easy prey.  The heroes  gathered themselves to protect their friends and village.

This fight was a little tough.  “Tip Toe” Tyrone Thompson had to leave at this point, so it was only Vinsmoke and Ashak.  Each had used their spells for the day.  I was nice and said they had regained their Luck abilities to cast one more spell each (I am SUCH a nice person!).

Eventually the group killed all three of the vulturefolk and the villagers started taking care of the damage inflicted by the Chimera’s attack.  Mama Cleo looked at one of the vulturefolk corpses and recognized it to be the previous town mayor.  He and his wife were ones that were taken years ago!

Ashak cast Talk With Spirits and asked the deceased mayor three questions.

Question One: What happened to you?

Answer: The Chimera put me in a hideous stinking sack and I was slowly transformed into a cruel bloodthirsty monster.

Question Two: How do we stop the Chimera?

Answer: Only magic and powerful items of Sorcery or Stupendous Science will wound the creature.

Question Three: Where can I find the best burger in the area?

Answer: There was a place in the village of Stinky Peat called Ol’ Smokey’s BBQ.  The burgers there were delicious.

After the third answer the spirit of the mayor disappeared, finally allowed to rest.

Askak turned to the village at large, “The spirit of this mayor told me how to defeat the Chimera!  The answer lies to the north in the village of Stinky Peat!

We all chuckled at his complete BS of the situation.

The current mayor, Kane, came into the scene and told the group he would send two warriors and attack dogs with them- as the terror of the Chimera must end.

Kane: Kane is known for his rambunctious spirit and ability to fight (Barbarian, 2^nd level).  He has defended Mardi Grass many times.  He always carries his prized spear, The Man-Splitter- a remarkable piece of Stupendous Science with an electrified, motorized blade.  Kane constantly rubs himself with baby lotion to keep his skin moist and shiny.  He has a collection of Ancient Earth action movies and a working entertainment center.  He is obsessed with Chuck Norris and John McClain.

We ended there for the night!

MONSTERS

Car Golem

HD 2; RP 1; Fists (2d4)

Description: This massive creature was constructed from Stupendous Science and sorcery.  Several cars have been melded together to form a 12’ monstrosity.  The engines sputter and belch exhaust.

Special: Washer Fists: Once per combat, can open the washer lid and send a deluge of water at a target, knocking them prone (no save) and they suffer damage.

Smog: Once per hour can release a cloud of exhaust that blinds all in Nearby radius for 2d4 rounds.

 

Bicycle Golem

HD 1; RP 2; Fists (1d6)

Description: Bike in a humanoid form, with a wheel as a head.

Special: Spokes: When attacked with a slashing or piercing weapon, there is a chance that the weapon gets stuck in the head spokes (PC makes a Luck roll).  If it favors the monster, it’s caught in the spokes and the PC must succeed a STR save or have the weapon ripped from the grasp and flung into the swampy water.  They must spend 1d3 rounds finding it.

 

Rubbish Golem

HD 1; RP 2; Head Bash (1d6)

Description: Large trash caterpillar

Special: Swallow Whole: An attack means the target is scooped into the trunk and begins to be compressed, taking 1d6 damage per round. When target is killed the body is spit out.

*Vulturefolk

HD 1-3; RP 0-1; Claws (1d6-1d10)

Description: These fetid creatures live off the putrid meat of the dead, and prefer areas of decay to cleaner, drier climates.  While many tribes of Vulturefolk will attack humanoid settlements outright, looking for a meal, some will attempt to barter or form an uneasy alliance.  However, it doesn’t take much for a Vulturefolk to rescind their promise and still attack the settlement.

Special: Fly: Vulturefolk can fly quite fast.  While flying, ranged attacks against them are made with Disadvantage.

 

 

Barbarians of the Ruined Earth Campaign Kickoff- World Building

Art for BotRE- by Kelvin Green

My online group and I have decided we wanted to take a break from Death is the New Pink: Going Medieval on Yo’ Ass and play some Barbarians of the Ruined Earth.

We played for a few months back and moved to GMoYA, but now with the book in the beginning parts of layout (being done by the awesome and sexy Matt Hildebrand), I’ve really been craving the heroic science, sword, and sorcery vibe again (it also doesn’t help I’ve started rewatching all of Thundarr the Barbarian AGAIN).

A few weeks ago I bought a Nintendo Switch and the Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild and was inspired by how open the world is (and approachable) and wanted to capture that with this BotRE campaign (I may have to do a post on BotW and lessons/takeaways for tabletop gaming…).

When you first start BotW, Link runs up to an expansive vista, showing the beautiful world.  Everything you see you can travel to.  That is exciting and is a perfect example of show, don’t tell.  I want to avoid info dumps…  We play once to twice a month and sometimes info gets lost, forgotten, etc. and that’s wasted effort on my part.

I decided that I would take a page from Beyond the Wall‘s Further Afield and do some fun and exciting collaborative world building with my group.  I figured this would be as close to show, don’t tell as I could get for a campaign kick off.

Only three of my six players could make the session on Sunday, but we came up with some great ideas and I’ve sent the info to the three who couldn’t make it to give them a chance to create a few things.

First I asked each of my players what state this was taking place in.  After each pitched their idea, they talked and decided on New Orleans, super swamps, mutated rednecks, etc.

Then we rolled characters.  John is a Sorcerer (alternate spell casting rules here), Liam is a Death Priest, and Fletch created a Vek (raptor people).

Sorcerer Art for BotRE by Matthew Adams

 

Death Priest Art for BotRE by Matthew Adams

 

After the group made their characters I had them each create two interesting NPCs that they have each developed a bond with and what that NPC does.  I’ll roll some secret stuff about them that the players will discover (i.e., ar they in a cult, selling people to raiders/slavers, do they have perpetual RBF, etc.).

After each group created their NPCs, I had them roll on a table that I lifted (and only altered slightly) from Further Afield to generate an interesting thing nearby their village.  Each of my three players did this twice.

Roll 1d8: 1) Major city; 2) Ancient ruins; 3) Human settlement; 4) Recent ruins; 5) Inhuman settlement (roll 1d3: 1) Vek; 2) Beastman; 3) GM Chooses from bestiary); 6) Monster’s Lair; 7) Source of power; 8) Interesting location (i.e., mushroom forest, natural canyons, etc.)

With these, I’ll roll to see how accurate what they came up with is.  Is it true, is there a twist to this location, or are they WAY off base.

Finally I had each of my three players come up with a descriptive term or phrase that would guide me in the creation of the town leader.  I told them that if it something was too off base with another descriptive term, we would discuss until we got to a happy medium/compromise.  Thankfully that didn’t happen at all.

The members of the group that made it to the session start with a magic item/piece of Stupendous Science.

The three players that didn’t make it will make their characters when they play, but I am allowing them to create a single interesting location (I rolled for what it is) and a NPC.  The town and leader are already determined.

Here is what the group came up with.  Once I get the entries from my other three players, I will do all my rolls and map out the village, layout the surrounding locations, and add a few myself.

Environment

New Orleans- Humid, swampy, mutated rednecks.

 

Settlement
“Mardi Grass”: Semi-floating landmass of junk and soil/silt.  Just slightly outside of New Orleans.

 

Town Mayor

Kane: Kane is known for his rambunctious spirit and ability to fight (Barbarian, 2^nd level).  He has defended Mardi Grass many times.  He always carries his prized spear, The Man-Splitter- a remarkable piece of Stupendous Science with an electrified, motorized blade.  Kane constant rubs himself with baby lotion to keep his skin moist and shiny.  He has a collection of Ancient Earth action movies and a working entertainment center.  He is obsessed with Chuck Norris and John McClain.

Interesting People

Cobb: A gardener who has some sort of innate magical abilities, but not a sorcerer (John).

Mama Cleo: A voodoo priestess who can speak with spirits and create strange alchemical concoctions.

Birch: Owns/runs the general store.  Became mutated early in life and has gills and webbed hands and feet (Fletch).

Nomi: Guard of Mardi Grass.  Decent fighter.  Escaped mines with group (John).

The Undertaker: Undertaker of Mardi Grass.  Scrawny and lanky.  Androgynous (Liam).

Jean: Junk dealer.  He is mad as a hatter, but smart and ornery (Fletch).

Nearby Locations

Monster Lair: Vicious and savage frog-dog creatures lurk in rudimentary huts (John).

Settlement: Strange Ones (sky blue skin and bulbous heads) inhabit an abandoned Ancient Earth television station.  They worship Ancient Earth technology (Fletch).

Source of Power: Giant undead rats run endlessly on hamster wheels to generate electricity (Liam).  Rumored to be created by Tygham the Fearless, the Sorcerer of the Swamps.

Crystal Towers: These crystalline towers are made of soft gems (ruby, etc.) and attract large beetles, the size of dogs, which feast on the structures (Fletch).

Lair of the Croconator: Massive crocodile monster that lurks in the swamps.  A few days travel from Mardi Grass (John).

The Ruins of Bourbon St: Mostly underwater.  Aquatic people live here.  Underwater ruins and avenues exist (Fletch).

Magic Items

Liam: Liam has a teddy bear named Balfour, which he found on the mummified remains of a small girl from Ancient Earth- The girl’s name is Maggie and acts as a spirit guide. Liam can speak to her as spirit (Death Priest ability) or increase Luck range from 4-6 to 3-6 once per day.

John: John has an attack drone that looks like a sphere with a giant lightbulb eye.  The drone hovers around him and attacks a target designated by John.  6HP, 1 RP, 1d6 damage, uses John’s stats to attack.

Fletch: Fletch has a shield that can be activated to absorb damage.  When turned on, roll 2d4.  That is how much damage it will absorb.  Once depleted, deactivates and take damage as normal.  Recharges when the sun rises.

Death is the New Pink: Going Medieval On Yo’ Ass Session Six- The Mystery of the Pink Rubber Ducky!

We continue our playtesting of the new Death is the New Pink project I’m working on, Going Medieval on Yo’ Ass.  The group did another romp into the Forever Dungeon.

Players

Liam– Human- Mort (Morty for short)- Lives for combat- good at killing things dead and keeps on slicing.

John– Human- Cheshire- Stealthy.  Good at being cautious and grounded.  

Omar- Human- Cleaveland- Needlessly shouts aggressively and states the obvious.

Last session the group had gone after an extremely powerful Doodad in the Whispering Tunnels beneath the streets of Flotsam.  This time they decided to go after the chance of riches and more Doodads in the Forever Dungeon.

The session started with the group figuring out what happened to them in between sessions (Omar found a dead body in an ally way and looted it, finding a few useful items. John gambled and drank, but broke even.  Liam heard a rumor about a powerful witch that lives in an unsettled area of Flotsam.  People know she is near because hundreds of frogs are lurking about the area).

The group restocked needed items and Liam hired a torch boy (had some of the worst stats ever).

The Entrance

Omar lead the way through most of the dungeon, being the meatiest of the Medieval Meat Bags!  There were no traps on the door, so he opened it.

The Room With Three Doors

The group entered and found three doors standing in the middle of the room.  Nothing seemed to be holding these doors up and the Medieval Meat Bags could walk around them and view both sides.  They decided to open the doors.  The door opened and the group saw a a giant pot-bellied goat-headed demon who was staring at sobbing women.  The group became immediately concerned that they were gonna have to deal with this, but weren’t sure if it was real or if they could be seen.  To test the theory Liam pushed the torch boy through the portal.  “Yup.  It’s real.”  He closed the door.

 

A few moments went by and John decided to open the first door again and saw the poor torch boy on a rack being flayed alive by the sobbing woman as the demon watched, gently rubbing his nipples.  John closed the door, “Well he’s dead.”

Omar opened the middle and saw a wizard with stereotypical wizard clothing on sitting on a throne with a guitar made of an axe.  John and Liam recognized him immediately as the Heavy Metal Wizard!

I have no clue who drew this, but I love it!

 

The group talked to the wizard through the door and realized that he could hear them, but no see them.  They asked the Heavy Metal Wizard if he knew of a goat-headed demon, “Oh… Orcus is around, eh?  He has a portal in the dungeon that connect with his realm of Hell.  He’s a disgusting sexual deviant and bringer of suffering and waste.  Best avoid him if you can.”

John opened the third door and found the frame bricked up.  They decided was that way for a reason and did not break it open.

The group moved to the east.

HOW: As I’ve mentioned in previous session recaps, the Forever Dungeon is procedurally generated, so I pulled the dungeon tile with three doors on it.  When Liam opened the first door, I asked him to roll a d6 while I shuffled my dungeon tiles and pulled out six.  The result he rolled got the Orcus room.  John rolled a 1d8 and got the Heavy Metal Wizard room.  Since the third door was not opened, no rolling was necessary.

The Pink Rubber Ducky Room

The group entered the room and saw a small pond in the center of the floor.  The vegetation and lily pads around it were all fake (like those you would buy from a craft store) and by the bank was a plastic nest with an Easter egg in it.  Floating in the water was a pink rubber ducky.  It quacked and floated away from the group as a real duck would.

This lil bugger was the star of the session

This lil duckie fucked with  my group.  They were so scared of what this thing might actually be.  The group pondered it for a moment and then decided to push on to the east.

Aside: They later found out that the duckie is actually a Doodad, but guarded by something terrible- more on this later.

Adorable Windup Rubber Duckie Bomb (A.W.R.D.B.): This Mister Quack Quack was designed to distract Nefarious and blow shit up.  Wind it up and let it go.  It’ll walk 30’ and start quacking and doing cute little flips.  Targets within 10’ of the device succeed a MOXY save or stop what they’re doing and walk over to the device.  On the next round the A.W.R.D.B. explodes, dealing 1d12 damage to all in a 10’ radius.  Usable once per day.

The Lever Room

The group entered this chamber and saw that a gnarled staff resting in a display stand in the center of the room.   To the right of the door was a large lever.  Liam pulled it without hesitation.  The constant grinding and humming noise that is constantly in the background of the Forever Dungeon stopped.   Liam was immediately attacked by an anthropomorphic rat creature with bloody skin and clown face paint.  He killed the creature with his scythe before it even had a chance to attack.

HOW: Levers are strange (and possibly dangerous) things in the Forever Dungeon.  Aside from being trapped or guarded by tough Nefarios, levers usually do one of two things 1) stop the dungeon from resetting for 1d4 runs after the current group exits (as it normally rearranges itself upon the Medieval Meat Bags exiting); 2) Instantly causes the dungeon rearrange itself, meaning the group is stuck in there and has to figure their way out.  This time Liam was lucky and the dungeon is stuck in its current layout for 3 runs.  The first of these three will occur with my RL Rochester group on Wednesday.  I am keen to see how this works/fits with the Forever Dungeon design philosophy.

The group decided to give the staff a wide berth, worrying it was of sinister intent and head further east.

The Room of the Living Mole

Aside: Not gonna lie.  I’ve been waiting for this room for a LONG time.  When I was designing Nefarios for Going Medieval on Yo’ Ass, I always ponder what could be the “pink” portion of the piece (if I were to have it illustrated) and I pictured a giant skin mole with large thick pink hairs.  The thought grossed my wife out, so in the book it went!

Living Mole

BAD 10, DSS 10, MOXY NA, HP 20, AP 0

DRIVEN TO JUST BE GROSS AND PLAIN MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE

This disgusting creature is a gigantic dismembered growth, roughly 10’ in diameter that undulates and moves slowly on the ground as it secretes a layer of mucus underneath its body while it contracts and undulates its muscle structure, much like a snail.  The mole has five large hairs that gently wave in the wind and snatches unsuspecting prey.  Targets attacked by the mole must succeed a DSS save or become entangled by the hair and begin giggling as the hairs tickle them pink.  An entangled target is moved to rest atop the mole, where it suffers 1d8 damage per round until dead or freed.  A target that suffers critical damage is broken down into a sick-looking foam and fully absorbed by the mole.  The Living Mole is immune to all mind-altering effects.

No… this is not mine… however I DID have to look at too many disgusting pictures of moles to find this one…

The group saw hutch at the eastern end of the room with six vials in it.  Omar moved to investigate and a long pink hair uncoiled from the ceiling and attacked Omar, ensnaring him and tickling him pink.  He was giggling and laughing and couldn’t act.

This fight was fun, but not as deadly as I was hoping thanks to Liam’s quick use of his last vial of Frozen Tears of the Spoiled Princess (see below).  The body of the mole became frozen and unable to move (and unable to break down living tissue), but the hairs could move around and still ensnare people.  The mole was frozen for 9 rounds.  Even with having Advantage on attacks the group had a hell of a time hitting the fucking thing.  Finally killing it when it only had 1 round left.

Frozen Tears of the Spoiled Prince(ss): There once was a spoiled prince(ss) (or maybe he/she was just really sad) and he/she cried and cried and blah blah blah.  Anyways, these tears are magically frozen and when one is thrown at a target they must succeed a BAD save or become frozen for 2d6 rounds.  If the target is at 0 HP and fails their save, they are permanently frozen.  *If you start with this Doodad from a Starter Package, start with 2d2 of these.

Omar nabbed the potions and \got a few good ones (I can’t remember what they are as I use a table to generate them on the fly).  With that, the group headed back to the Lever Room and decided to head South.  The door to the southern area shimmered with magical energy.  Liam decided to throw something at the door (it may have been the partially dead parrot he found inside the carcass of the Living Mole, but may not have been).  The moment the item hit the door a cloud of black smoke filled the room, causing all to cough and sputter.  Liam failed his BADassery save and fell unconscious.   Omar pulled out his jug of spoiled milk he got from the infected udder of Mi Mi Mi Moo Moo Moo the magical talking cow from a few session ago and held it under Liam’s nose.  Liam woke up instantly, gagging and sputtering but managed to keep his chow down.

The group headed through the southern door.

The Potion Room

The group entered the room and saw an alchemist’s station at the eastern wall and the body of man in robes on the floor.  The group thought maybe he was knocked unconscious by the same trap as Liam.  Omar put the milk under the man’s nose.  Engorged veins shot out of the man’s nose, like sick nose hairs and wrapped around Omar’s forearm.  The man’s face began to bulge and his skin tore away.  The brain levitated out of the skull, a yellow blinking eye center mass of the frontal lobe.

The fight was difficult as the brain was hard to hit and Omar took several points of damage, including a vicious critical fumble attack by Liam, nearly severing his arm.  Omar used his Doodad, Friendly Symbiotes to heal the damage instantly (expending the Doodad for the day).

Eventually the brain was sliced in half by Liam (Liam killed the clown rat, the mole, and now the brain thing- man he is the Bringer of Death, which is his Muscle Up!).

The group found a few potions and Liam looted the body of the now-brainless man, finding a nice long sword.

The group moved back to the rubber duckie room, pondering it again, and then moved to the west past the room with three doors and into the next room.

Samuel’s Room… Let’s Barter

The room was much larger than any room they had been in before, forested, dirt on the ground, and a camp fire crackling merrily  in the center of the room, which provided a natural clearing.  In the middle of the room was a hooded and robed man.  He coughed and got to his feet and laughed.  He threw open his coat and said, “Well!  What are you buyin’?!”

Aside: Omar got a big kick of my including the merchant from Resident Evil 4 in adventure- but fuck yea!  He was my favorite part of the game!

The group talked to the merchant, who said his name was Samuel and found out some info about the Forever Dungeon and restocked on some supplies.  They also saw a door to the west in the distance and asked what was in there.  Samuel mentioned a drunken dwarf sleeping one off in there.

The group decided to go talk to the dwarf.

The Ale Room

The group found a passed out dwarf sleeping amid barrels of ale.  After waking him up he introduced himself as Grrrr Mustachio.  He is the last survivor of his band.  The group then asked him if he knew anything the pink rubber duckie.  Grrrr’s faced darkened.  His wife Grrrretta was just killed by the terrible guardian in the pond.  “Two hundred feet wide it was!  And two hundred feet tall!  Long tentacle things that ooze sulfuric pus!  Pulled my wife into the pond, it did!”

The group invited Grrr to join them and get revenge against the creature.  Then Liam used his Dwarven Party Helmet AND double fisted the strong ale in the casks to get black out drunk!  The group went back to Flotsam to carouse and we ended there.

Grrrr Mustachio (Dwarf Mercenary, 20 GB/day)

BAD 13, DSS 10, MOXY 12, HP 9

DRIVEN TO COLLECT ALL HIS EARWAX TO USE ON HIS AWESOME MUSTACHE OR TO ADD TO HIS IMPRESSIVE COLLECTION.

Gear: Bow (1d6), warhammer (1d6), shield, leather armor (AP 1), rations (X5), waterskin, 93 GB.

Race Stuff: Grrrr can see in the dark up to 30’.  Stout: Grrrr is immune to all poisons; Know Stone: Grrrr knows stone and can tell its secrets (MOXY roll with Advantage if roll is needed in a hurry- otherwise automatically succeed); Slayer: The thrill of combat excites Grrrr.  Each successful attack Grrrr makes grants +1 to damage.  Resets after each fight.

Here’s the final dungeon layout for this session

Leveling Up

Liam and John leveled up to Ye Olde Quarter Pounder- each gaining 1d6 HP, attempting to increase their stats, and each gained a Muscle Up!

It was a great session.  I’m excited to see what will happen on Wednesday.

The Graveyard

Dwarf With No Name (Kevin)– “Here lies the Dwarf With No Name,

He done got dissolved by a puddle of goo-

So pathetic, so lame.”

Tooth (Fletch)– “Not much you could say about Tooth,

Except faces he liked to smash,

And was disintegrated; gone in a poof,

Ain’t nothing left by ash.”

Scotch (Omar)– “No one seemed to care when Scotch died,

No one cared for his life.

No one cried,

Not even his wife.”

The Torch Boy (NPC)

“Oh with torches this boy played

Until he ran across a demon

And got himself flayed…”

 

The Gunslinger Class for Hubris (and DCC)

This class will be released with the Orcs! A High Octane Adventure (3rd level module) for Hubris.

The Gunslinger

 

Art is from Darkest Dungeon- Not for Hubris.

Fighters are brutes that hack away at their enemies with swords, axes, and maces.  Thieves prefer small blades and like to strike from the shadows.  Neither fully appreciate the sleek feel and cold efficiency of firearms, but you do.  The heft and weight, the acidic smell of the lit powder, the feel of the kick as a bullet flies from the barrel and lodges itself into the head of your target, blowing out the back of their skull.

No mark is safe from your sights.  They can attempt to run, but they’ll feel the stinging pain of your shot, and the horrible realization of death will greet them as they bleed out, slumped against a wall, the light fades from their eyes.

Your ability to make impossible shots and take out targets with ease makes you highly sought after.  Whether you swear loyalty to a king or army, or pay heed to no one and make your own way killing for coin or just simply the joy of it, your path is what you make it.  And no one will tell you otherwise.

 

Hit Points: A gunslinger gains 1d8 hit points each level.

 

Weapon Training: A gunslinger is trained in the following weapons: bolas*, club, crossbow*, dagger, handaxe, short sword, wheellock pistol, and wheellock rifle.  Gunslingers can wear any armor up to chain without suffering accuracy to their shots.  Bulkier armor interferes with their ability to hold and fire a wheellock weapon properly and they suffer the armor’s check penalty to their attacks.

 

Alignment: Gunslingers tend to be a cocky lot, assured in their use and mastery of wheellock weaponry.  Gunslingers that are loyal to a cause, military organization, or lord tend to be lawful, while those who sell themselves as guns for hire, glory-seekers, or assassins tend to be chaotic.  Very few gunslingers gravitate towards a neutral alignment.

 

Quick Loader: The gunslinger can reload a wheellock weapon in two rounds instead of the normal three.

 

Point Blank Shot: A gunslinger can shoot targets with a wheellock pistol without suffering negative modifiers (DCC, pg XX).

 

Rifle-butt Attack: A gunslinger receives a free attack at a d16 against any creature that comes into melee range if they have a wheellock rifle in their hands.

 

Sharpshooter: When a gunslinger spends a full round aiming and doing nothing else, their attack is more devastating. If their attack is successful, it deals an additional 1d10 damage.  The threat range for a critical success is increased from 20 to 19-20 when sharpshooting.

 

Trick Shot: Gunslingers train tirelessly with wheellock weaponry.  They can perform tricky shots that function similarly to a warriors Mighty Deeds ability (DCC, pg 42) ONLY when using wheellock weaponry.  Prior to a shot, a gunslinger can declare a Trick Shot.  The gunslinger’s Trick Shot die determines whether this was successful.  If the Trick Shot Die is a 3 or higher, and the attack lands, the Trick Shot is successful.  If the Trick Shot Die is a 2 or less, or the overall attack fails, the Trick Shot fails as well.  Similar to a Warrior’s Mighty Deeds, the Trick Shot die does factor into a gunslinger’s attack modifier and damage.

 

Examples of Trick Shots include feats such as:

 

• Calling a shot to blast away an object held in an opponent’s hand.
• Using a shot to snuff out the light of a candle.
• Shooting a bullet and having it ricochet off a wall and hit a target around the corner.
• Sliding down a staircase banister and shooting at a target.
• When fighting enemies that are single-file, shooting a wheellock weapon and having the bullet pass through all of them, dealing damage.

Skeletal Gunrunners from  Hubris- art by David Lewis Johnson

 

Level	Attack	Trick Shot Die	Crit Die/Table*	Action Die	Ref	Fort	Will
1	+1	+d3	1d10/II	1d20	+1	+1	+0
2	+2	+d4	1d12/II	1d20	+1	+1	+0
3	+3	+d4	1d14/II	1d20	+2	+1	+1
4	+4	+d5	1d16/II	1d20	+2	+2	+1
5	+5	+d6	1d20/II	1d20	+3	+2	+1
6	+6	+d6	1d24/II	1d20+1d14	+4	+2	+2
7	+7	+d8	1d30/II	1d20+1d16	+4	+3	+2
8	+8	+d10	1d30+2/II	1d20+1d20	+5	+3	+2
9	+9	+d10+1	1d30+4/II	1d20+1d20	+5	+3	+3
10	+10	+d10+2	1d30+6/II	1d20+1d20	+6	+4	+3
*The critical success tables can be found in DCC, pg 82-83.

 

 

Gunslinger Titles
Level	Title
1	Marksman
2	Sharpshooter
3	Sniper
4	Deadeye
5	Master Blaster

 

 

Weapon Damage By Class
Class	Light Weapon	Medium Weapon	Heavy Weapon
Gunslinger	1d4	1d6	1d8
This is an optional rule found in Hubris, pg XX.

 

Gunslinger Starting Equipment

Adventurer gear:

• Backpack
• Bedroll
• Torches x2
• Rations x5
• Waterskin
• Flint and Steel
• 1 healing potion (1d6+1 HP)
• Hemp rope (50ft)
• Adventurer’s Clothing

 

Gunslingers also start with the following- Studded leather armor, 1 dagger or short sword, a wheellock pistol or rifle (20 shots), and a Black Power with pouch and fuse (Hubris, pg XX).

 

Starting Gold

As stated in DCC (pg 70) all level 0 characters start with 5d12 copper pieces and the weapon and trade good of their profession.

 

Class	Level 1	Level 2	Level 3
Gunslinger	3d10	3d10 +(1d6x100)	3d10 +(3d6x100)