Category Archives: Megadungeon

Death is the New Pink: Going Medieval On Yo’ Ass Session Six- The Mystery of the Pink Rubber Ducky!

We continue our playtesting of the new Death is the New Pink project I’m working on, Going Medieval on Yo’ Ass.  The group did another romp into the Forever Dungeon.

Players

Liam– Human- Mort (Morty for short)- Lives for combat- good at killing things dead and keeps on slicing.

John– Human- Cheshire- Stealthy.  Good at being cautious and grounded.  

Omar- Human- Cleaveland- Needlessly shouts aggressively and states the obvious.

Last session the group had gone after an extremely powerful Doodad in the Whispering Tunnels beneath the streets of Flotsam.  This time they decided to go after the chance of riches and more Doodads in the Forever Dungeon.

The session started with the group figuring out what happened to them in between sessions (Omar found a dead body in an ally way and looted it, finding a few useful items. John gambled and drank, but broke even.  Liam heard a rumor about a powerful witch that lives in an unsettled area of Flotsam.  People know she is near because hundreds of frogs are lurking about the area).

The group restocked needed items and Liam hired a torch boy (had some of the worst stats ever).

The Entrance

Omar lead the way through most of the dungeon, being the meatiest of the Medieval Meat Bags!  There were no traps on the door, so he opened it.

The Room With Three Doors

The group entered and found three doors standing in the middle of the room.  Nothing seemed to be holding these doors up and the Medieval Meat Bags could walk around them and view both sides.  They decided to open the doors.  The door opened and the group saw a a giant pot-bellied goat-headed demon who was staring at sobbing women.  The group became immediately concerned that they were gonna have to deal with this, but weren’t sure if it was real or if they could be seen.  To test the theory Liam pushed the torch boy through the portal.  “Yup.  It’s real.”  He closed the door.

 

Orcus+Clean

A few moments went by and John decided to open the first door again and saw the poor torch boy on a rack being flayed alive by the sobbing woman as the demon watched, gently rubbing his nipples.  John closed the door, “Well he’s dead.”

Omar opened the middle and saw a wizard with stereotypical wizard clothing on sitting on a throne with a guitar made of an axe.  John and Liam recognized him immediately as the Heavy Metal Wizard!

Heavy Metal Wizard

I have no clue who drew this, but I love it!

 

The group talked to the wizard through the door and realized that he could hear them, but no see them.  They asked the Heavy Metal Wizard if he knew of a goat-headed demon, “Oh… Orcus is around, eh?  He has a portal in the dungeon that connect with his realm of Hell.  He’s a disgusting sexual deviant and bringer of suffering and waste.  Best avoid him if you can.”

John opened the third door and found the frame bricked up.  They decided was that way for a reason and did not break it open.

The group moved to the east.

HOW: As I’ve mentioned in previous session recaps, the Forever Dungeon is procedurally generated, so I pulled the dungeon tile with three doors on it.  When Liam opened the first door, I asked him to roll a d6 while I shuffled my dungeon tiles and pulled out six.  The result he rolled got the Orcus room.  John rolled a 1d8 and got the Heavy Metal Wizard room.  Since the third door was not opened, no rolling was necessary.

The Pink Rubber Ducky Room

The group entered the room and saw a small pond in the center of the floor.  The vegetation and lily pads around it were all fake (like those you would buy from a craft store) and by the bank was a plastic nest with an Easter egg in it.  Floating in the water was a pink rubber ducky.  It quacked and floated away from the group as a real duck would.

IMG_4817

This lil bugger was the star of the session

This lil duckie fucked with  my group.  They were so scared of what this thing might actually be.  The group pondered it for a moment and then decided to push on to the east.

Aside: They later found out that the duckie is actually a Doodad, but guarded by something terrible- more on this later.

Adorable Windup Rubber Duckie Bomb (A.W.R.D.B.): This Mister Quack Quack was designed to distract Nefarious and blow shit up.  Wind it up and let it go.  It’ll walk 30’ and start quacking and doing cute little flips.  Targets within 10’ of the device succeed a MOXY save or stop what they’re doing and walk over to the device.  On the next round the A.W.R.D.B. explodes, dealing 1d12 damage to all in a 10’ radius.  Usable once per day.

The Lever Room

The group entered this chamber and saw that a gnarled staff resting in a display stand in the center of the room.   To the right of the door was a large lever.  Liam pulled it without hesitation.  The constant grinding and humming noise that is constantly in the background of the Forever Dungeon stopped.   Liam was immediately attacked by an anthropomorphic rat creature with bloody skin and clown face paint.  He killed the creature with his scythe before it even had a chance to attack.

HOW: Levers are strange (and possibly dangerous) things in the Forever Dungeon.  Aside from being trapped or guarded by tough Nefarios, levers usually do one of two things 1) stop the dungeon from resetting for 1d4 runs after the current group exits (as it normally rearranges itself upon the Medieval Meat Bags exiting); 2) Instantly causes the dungeon rearrange itself, meaning the group is stuck in there and has to figure their way out.  This time Liam was lucky and the dungeon is stuck in its current layout for 3 runs.  The first of these three will occur with my RL Rochester group on Wednesday.  I am keen to see how this works/fits with the Forever Dungeon design philosophy.

The group decided to give the staff a wide berth, worrying it was of sinister intent and head further east.

The Room of the Living Mole

Aside: Not gonna lie.  I’ve been waiting for this room for a LONG time.  When I was designing Nefarios for Going Medieval on Yo’ Ass, I always ponder what could be the “pink” portion of the piece (if I were to have it illustrated) and I pictured a giant skin mole with large thick pink hairs.  The thought grossed my wife out, so in the book it went!

Living Mole

BAD 10, DSS 10, MOXY NA, HP 20, AP 0

DRIVEN TO JUST BE GROSS AND PLAIN MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE

This disgusting creature is a gigantic dismembered growth, roughly 10’ in diameter that undulates and moves slowly on the ground as it secretes a layer of mucus underneath its body while it contracts and undulates its muscle structure, much like a snail.  The mole has five large hairs that gently wave in the wind and snatches unsuspecting prey.  Targets attacked by the mole must succeed a DSS save or become entangled by the hair and begin giggling as the hairs tickle them pink.  An entangled target is moved to rest atop the mole, where it suffers 1d8 damage per round until dead or freed.  A target that suffers critical damage is broken down into a sick-looking foam and fully absorbed by the mole.  The Living Mole is immune to all mind-altering effects.

mole-with-hair-1504094102

No… this is not mine… however I DID have to look at too many disgusting pictures of moles to find this one…

The group saw hutch at the eastern end of the room with six vials in it.  Omar moved to investigate and a long pink hair uncoiled from the ceiling and attacked Omar, ensnaring him and tickling him pink.  He was giggling and laughing and couldn’t act.

This fight was fun, but not as deadly as I was hoping thanks to Liam’s quick use of his last vial of Frozen Tears of the Spoiled Princess (see below).  The body of the mole became frozen and unable to move (and unable to break down living tissue), but the hairs could move around and still ensnare people.  The mole was frozen for 9 rounds.  Even with having Advantage on attacks the group had a hell of a time hitting the fucking thing.  Finally killing it when it only had 1 round left.

Frozen Tears of the Spoiled Prince(ss): There once was a spoiled prince(ss) (or maybe he/she was just really sad) and he/she cried and cried and blah blah blah.  Anyways, these tears are magically frozen and when one is thrown at a target they must succeed a BAD save or become frozen for 2d6 rounds.  If the target is at 0 HP and fails their save, they are permanently frozen.  *If you start with this Doodad from a Starter Package, start with 2d2 of these.

Omar nabbed the potions and \got a few good ones (I can’t remember what they are as I use a table to generate them on the fly).  With that, the group headed back to the Lever Room and decided to head South.  The door to the southern area shimmered with magical energy.  Liam decided to throw something at the door (it may have been the partially dead parrot he found inside the carcass of the Living Mole, but may not have been).  The moment the item hit the door a cloud of black smoke filled the room, causing all to cough and sputter.  Liam failed his BADassery save and fell unconscious.   Omar pulled out his jug of spoiled milk he got from the infected udder of Mi Mi Mi Moo Moo Moo the magical talking cow from a few session ago and held it under Liam’s nose.  Liam woke up instantly, gagging and sputtering but managed to keep his chow down.

The group headed through the southern door.

The Potion Room

The group entered the room and saw an alchemist’s station at the eastern wall and the body of man in robes on the floor.  The group thought maybe he was knocked unconscious by the same trap as Liam.  Omar put the milk under the man’s nose.  Engorged veins shot out of the man’s nose, like sick nose hairs and wrapped around Omar’s forearm.  The man’s face began to bulge and his skin tore away.  The brain levitated out of the skull, a yellow blinking eye center mass of the frontal lobe.

The fight was difficult as the brain was hard to hit and Omar took several points of damage, including a vicious critical fumble attack by Liam, nearly severing his arm.  Omar used his Doodad, Friendly Symbiotes to heal the damage instantly (expending the Doodad for the day).

Eventually the brain was sliced in half by Liam (Liam killed the clown rat, the mole, and now the brain thing- man he is the Bringer of Death, which is his Muscle Up!).

The group found a few potions and Liam looted the body of the now-brainless man, finding a nice long sword.

The group moved back to the rubber duckie room, pondering it again, and then moved to the west past the room with three doors and into the next room.

Samuel’s Room… Let’s Barter

Merchant

The room was much larger than any room they had been in before, forested, dirt on the ground, and a camp fire crackling merrily  in the center of the room, which provided a natural clearing.  In the middle of the room was a hooded and robed man.  He coughed and got to his feet and laughed.  He threw open his coat and said, “Well!  What are you buyin’?!”

Aside: Omar got a big kick of my including the merchant from Resident Evil 4 in adventure- but fuck yea!  He was my favorite part of the game!

The group talked to the merchant, who said his name was Samuel and found out some info about the Forever Dungeon and restocked on some supplies.  They also saw a door to the west in the distance and asked what was in there.  Samuel mentioned a drunken dwarf sleeping one off in there.

The group decided to go talk to the dwarf.

The Ale Room

The group found a passed out dwarf sleeping amid barrels of ale.  After waking him up he introduced himself as Grrrr Mustachio.  He is the last survivor of his band.  The group then asked him if he knew anything the pink rubber duckie.  Grrrr’s faced darkened.  His wife Grrrretta was just killed by the terrible guardian in the pond.  “Two hundred feet wide it was!  And two hundred feet tall!  Long tentacle things that ooze sulfuric pus!  Pulled my wife into the pond, it did!”

The group invited Grrr to join them and get revenge against the creature.  Then Liam used his Dwarven Party Helmet AND double fisted the strong ale in the casks to get black out drunk!  The group went back to Flotsam to carouse and we ended there.

Grrrr Mustachio (Dwarf Mercenary, 20 GB/day)

BAD 13, DSS 10, MOXY 12, HP 9

DRIVEN TO COLLECT ALL HIS EARWAX TO USE ON HIS AWESOME MUSTACHE OR TO ADD TO HIS IMPRESSIVE COLLECTION.

Gear: Bow (1d6), warhammer (1d6), shield, leather armor (AP 1), rations (X5), waterskin, 93 GB.

Race Stuff: Grrrr can see in the dark up to 30’.  Stout: Grrrr is immune to all poisons; Know Stone: Grrrr knows stone and can tell its secrets (MOXY roll with Advantage if roll is needed in a hurry- otherwise automatically succeed); Slayer: The thrill of combat excites Grrrr.  Each successful attack Grrrr makes grants +1 to damage.  Resets after each fight.

Here’s the final dungeon layout for this session

IMG_4816

Leveling Up

Liam and John leveled up to Ye Olde Quarter Pounder- each gaining 1d6 HP, attempting to increase their stats, and each gained a Muscle Up!

It was a great session.  I’m excited to see what will happen on Wednesday.

The Graveyard

Graveyard

Dwarf With No Name (Kevin)– “Here lies the Dwarf With No Name,

He done got dissolved by a puddle of goo-

So pathetic, so lame.”

Tooth (Fletch)– “Not much you could say about Tooth,

Except faces he liked to smash,

And was disintegrated; gone in a poof,

Ain’t nothing left by ash.”

Scotch (Omar)– “No one seemed to care when Scotch died,

No one cared for his life.

No one cried,

Not even his wife.”

The Torch Boy (NPC)

“Oh with torches this boy played

Until he ran across a demon

And got himself flayed…”

 

Advertisements

Death is the New Pink: Going Medieval On Yo’ Ass Session Four- Curing the Infection of Mi Mi Mi Moo Moo Moo’s Left Udder

A new group of Medieval Meat Bags took a dive into the Forever Dungeon as we continue our playtesting it and the rules for Death is the New Pink: Going Medieval on Yo’ Ass.

 

IMG_4655

All my Forever Dungeon stuff is in a handy dandy box.  I decided to put the cover for GMoYA on it and tape the title on- Punk Rock-style.

Players

Katie– Human- Uses a morning star and a shield.  Born to fight.

Jamie– Human– Not a bad scrapper.  Has a Doodad (The Foil Hat), and likes stabbin’ things.  Has an attack dog named Spikums.

Nate– Human- More of a lover than a fighter.  Has the ability to cast four Mystic spells.  Has tapeworm symbiotes in system that heals damage.

Into the Dungeon

As this group of players had never played DitNP or the Forever Dungeon, I decided to just start them right at the door and diving right in.  Jamie’s attack dog, Spikums, sniffed at the door, but didn’t seem to smell anything suspicious… so Jamie kicked it open aaaannnnnddd….

The Room With Rodents of Unusual Size

Rodent

Immediately had a Rodent of Unusual Size jump in his face and take a bite.  “Spikums, you’re useless!” Jamie cried as he was reduced to zero HP, but did not fall unconscious.  The group made quick work of the one rat.  Nate attempted to cast Poison Heart on the freshly removed heart of the rodent, but failed…  pouting, he fed the heart to Spikums.

HOW: Poison Heart (Mystic Spell): You remove the heart from a dead body and work necrotic magics into it.  The heart becomes rotten, vile, and really ichy!  You can throw this nasty piece of corpse meat at another target, who must succeed a BAD save or suffer 1d20 Bad damage.  The heart explodes upon impact and releases poison cloud in 10’ radius for 2d6 damage to all (no save).

The group headed east.

The Home of Mi Mi Mi Moo Moo Moo

The group walks in to the room and sees a cow chewing grass on a hillock.  They were immediately wary of the beast and started to approach cautiously.

Aside: Nate looked at me and laughed.  “There’s a cow…. a cow in the dungeon.  eating grass…?  Where’d the hillock even come from?”

“Oh… Hello.” said the cow.

“uuuuuummmmm…. the cow is talking.” Said Katie.

Aside: Nate said, “And the cow talks…?!”

Nate saw the bovine’s udders and went to get some milk.  The cow moved his udder out of the way, “excuse me!  These are mine, thank you very much.  You could AT LEAST introduce yourself before you start attempting to touch me.”

The group introduced themselves and the cow replied, “Hello.  I am Mi Mi Mi Moo Moo Moo- a magical cow.  I am in need of your services!  I have a terrible infection in my left udder and I need help finding a rare plant that grows within the dungeon called Allofus Gropus.  It will heal my infection!  If you agree to find some, I’ll give you some magical milk.

Kate and Jamie agreed to the quest and each got a pint of magical milk (heals 1d12 HP and 1d6 BAD).  Nate did not want to be bound to help the bovine, so he passed.

After resting for a few minutes the group continued to head east.

How: Last session I had fun introducing Mi Mi Mi Moo Moo Moo that I decided to introduce him to my Rochester group.  I also wanted him to have a quest/plot hook to dish out and rolled “Rare plant Allofus Gropus.”  Last session I had mentioned that the cow had an infection in his left udder and thought this would tie in rather nicely.

The Treasure Room

The group came across a beautiful looking treasure chest.  Nate moved closer to examine it and saw that a black ichor was seeping up from inside down onto the latch and lock.  He could also hear a scratching noise coming from within.

As he was paying attention to this a small otter with bejeweled eyes and gems along its spine and covered in a pink acidic goo emerged from underneath the treasure chest.  Nate attempted to cast Watch It Die, but failed.  Katie ran up and attempted to calm the creature and rolled a critical success on her MOXY save, instantly taming the creature and gaining a small pet.  She named the otter Cuddles.

The group decided to ignore the treasure chest and move on, continuing east.

How: Watch it Die (Mystic Spell): You channel your hatred and wrath into a creature.  Creatures with 1 HD (or less) are instantly killed (no save).  Creatures with 2 HD are allowed a BAD save to avoid dying.  If the creature dies, make a Luck roll- if it favors you, the dead creature transforms into a Mashed Meat Monster and serves you until slain (can only have one Mashed Meat Monster under your control at a time.

Stats: BAD 10+1d6, DSS 2d6, MOXY 1d6, HP 2d6, Pseudopods x2 1d6, Can climb walls, DRIVEN TO BE A CREEPY, GROSS AND SLIMEY MESS.

When a Medieval Meat Bag is doing something like picking a lock, disarming a trap, ect. I do not make them make a roll if they are taking their time.  They automatically do it.  However, because they are taking their time there is a chance of a random encounter.  If the group decides to kick down a door and make a bunch of noise, then there is definitely something that is going to happen.  If they are hurriedly attempting to disarm a trap, unlock a door, etc. I make them roll the appropriate save to avoid damage, etc.

While Nate was looking at the treasure chest, I rolled a 1d6 and got a 2- meaning there as a random encounter.  I opened my book to Nefarios and rolled a 1d20 three times and got “Bejeweled, Acidic, and Otter.”  Boom.  There’s my monster.  I rolled 1d10 and got a 1, so it’s a 1 Hit Die creature.  Then I rolled a 1d8 and got a 2, so it has 10 in all of its stats.  Done.

The Baby Rattle Room

The room was dark and nothing could be heard.  Jamie lit a torch.  While Jamie and Katie were too focused on the torch to notice anything, Nate saw two creepy looking children (don’t they all look this way…?) standing at the far end of the room.

Evil Kids

Nate gasped and blinked in shock and the kids had vanished.  On a pedestal in the room was a blue baby rattle that was the size of a sledge hammer.

Nate: “I get in front of the two of them before they can go into the room and quickly close the door.”  

As Nate closes the door they all hear, “We’re gonna get you… we’re gonna get you.”

The group said fuck it and headed north.

Doodad Room

Jamie opened the door and found a large blow gun on a dais.  He quickly grabbed it and found the Doodad, The Giant Spitball Blowgun.

How: I am not making people “identify” Doodads found in the Forever Dungeon.  Especially as Doodads only have a 15% chance of being real when the Medieval Meat Bags exit.  Let them have fun with it now, that’s what I say.

Giant Spitball Blowgun: Pack a wad of chewed paper into this blowgun and puff your cheeks and blow, motherfucker!  The soggy wet spitball that shoots forth grows in size and smacks a target in their head, completely enveloping their stupid face. They are unable to see or breathe and stumble about. They must succeed a BAD save (with Disadvantage) to remove the gummy spitball from their face. The target can survive a number of rounds equal to their BAD score. After that duration they suffocate. What a sad, pathetic way to die.

The Deadite Room

The group opened the door and found the floor covered in blood, four dead bodies strewn about, and one man on his knees, his back to them, apparently weeping.  “Help me…  Please help me.”

The group stood in the doorway, “What happened in here.”

The figure said, “We found a treasure chest…  And we went to open it.”

“I KNEW that chest was bad news.” Nate said quickly.

The figure shuddered, “And they died.  They died.  They died!  THEY DIED!!”

The figure turned around revealing a horrible visage and milky white eyes

deadite ash

Nate closed the door again worked before right?!) and the Deadite slammed against the door, “We’re gonna get you!  We’re gonna get you!” it screamed.

The group decided that Jamie would stand at the other end of the room and use his new spitball blowgun on the fucker and that Nate would stand against the wall and open the door.

Nate did so, but I allowed the Deadite a Dodging Some Shit (DSS) roll with Disadvantage to see if it would catch Nate’s wrist.  It succeeded.  Nate felt the creature clasp its hand on his wrist and pull him towards the door.  The Deadite’s head poked around the door frame, “Come inside with me darling… it’s so dark in here.”

Jamie shot a massive spitball at the creature (with Disadvantage for firing into melee), but still hit the Deadite in the face.  The creature fell back into the room.

Katie rushed in and saw its back to her and seemed to be struggling with the spitball on its face.  The spitball landed on the ground with a sloppy slap (like soggy urine-soaked paper towel) and the Deadite turned to face her, “Just kidding…” it said with a smile.

The rest of the fight was quick, but several injuries occurred.  Eventually Katie dashed the Deadite’s brains out all over the wall with her morning star.

The group took a moment to bandage their injuries, drink some magic milk, and then headed west.

Jamie looted the bodies and also found another Doodad, The Blanket of Saddness

HOW: Blanket of Sadness: Cover some poor fool like they were a bird in a cage with this blanket.  They must succeed on a MOXY save or just sit on the ground and start balling like a baby.  They receive a new save every 10 minutes.  If any blood gets on the blanket, it ceases to function until thoroughly cleaned (costing roughly 50 GB).

The Grove Room

The group found themselves in a room much larger than any they had been in.  Large trees, thick vegetation, and fireflies flitted around.  Walking around the room was a gorgeous elk-like creature covered in vegetation.

Elk

They attempted to communicate with the creature, thinking it would be able to speak like Mi Mi Mi Moo Moo Moo, but it didn’t seem to want to, and got indignant at the mention of the magical cow.

The group eventually found a plant that they thought was Allofus Gropus and left back to see Mi Mi Mi Moo Moo Moo.

The Rest of the Session

The group found out that the plants were not, in fact, Allofus Gropus, but instead were Dingelberries (which does have healing properties).  The group went back to the Grove Room and found the right plant.  On the way back they heard the scritching from the treasure chest in the Treasure Room and decided to pour holy water on the ichor, which hissed, smoked, and dissolved.

Nate opened the chest and found 300 Gold Bits (yay).  However, three Necrotic Mice jumped out of the chest, one biting down on Nate’s finger.  Nate critically succeeded is BAD save and is now forever immune to the effects of Necrotic Mice.  Kate smashed one with her morning star, which burst like a gooey poptart.

The fight was quick, but not without its cost.  Katie gained a mutation (a really big nose) and Nate got the index finger of his right hand bitten off.

The group returned to Mi Mi Mi Moo Moo Moo and gave him the Allofus Gropus, which he excitedly started rubbing on his udder.

The group left the dungeon.  Sadly neither of the two Doodads that Jamie found turned out to be real (he was really sad about losing the Sad Blanket).  With that the group headed back to Nasty Mimi’s Hooch Parlor in Flotsam.

Carousing

Everyone caroused, gaining some reputation, helping some people being bullied, found some items, went on a spending spree and got arrested for streaking through the streets!

The Graveyard

Graveyard

Dwarf With No Name (Kevin)– “Here lies the Dwarf With No Name, he done got dissolved by a puddle of goo- so pathetic, so lame.”

Tooth (Fletch)– “Not much you could say about Tooth,

Except faces he liked to smash,

And was disintegrated; gone in a poof,

Ain’t nothing left by ash.”

Scotch (Omar)– “No one seemed to care when Scotch died,

No one cared for his life.

No one cried,

Not even his wife.”

The Final Map of the Session

IMG_4656


Death is the New Pink: Going Medieval On Yo’ Ass Session Three- Talking Cows, Talking Flamingos, and Melted Medieval Meat Bags- oh and the Cover is DONE, SON!

First Aside : Matthew Seagle has started running Hubris for his group (fucking awesome!) and has started doing fantastic session recaps.  The thing I really enjoy is the “HOW” portion of the recaps.  I really enjoy this because it let’s me see unique parts of his group and how Matthew runs his games.  Second (and as a game designer, this is more important to me)- it let’s me see that my design philosophy for Hubris works for other people (yay).

I enjoy Matthew’s methodology on the “HOW” so much I will endeavor to include that in my session recaps going forward (where applicable).

Second Aside: Kelvin Green just finished the cover for DitNP: GMoYA!

medieval cover layout 4 2552x3508 300dpi

So damned sexy!  Kelvin did a great job paying homage to Jeremy Duncan’s original DitNP cover!

Finally on to the Recap

So we continue our playtesting two new Death is the New Pink projects I’m working on.  The first is Death is the New Pink: Going Medieval on Yo’ Ass and the second is The Forever Dungeon.

Returning Players

Liam– Human- Mort (Morty for short)- Level Ye Olde Lean Bacon Sammich

Muscle Up! for being human- I am the Bringer of Death– When you kill a target you are able to make another attack (this can go on and on if you keep killing the target).

Starting Equipment– Scythe, Vial of Poison, Flashbang Powder Pouch, Human, Believes Sculpting Their Mashed Potatoes Means Something, Doodad (Frozen Tears of the Spoiled Princess)

Frozen Tears of the Spoiled Prince(ss): There once was a spoiled prince(ss) (or maybe he/she was just really sad) and he/she cried and cried and blah blah blah.  Anyways, these tears are magically frozen and when one is thrown at a target they must succeed a BAD save or become frozen for 2d6 rounds.  If the target is at 0 HP and fails their save, they are permanently frozen.  *If you start with this Doodad from a Starter Package, start with 2d2 of these.

John– Human- Cheshire- Level Ye Olde Lean Bacon Sammich

Muscle Up! for being human- Ninja– You can hide in shadows that normal people could not.  Also when you make a successful Back Attack (pg XX) you add your level as bonus damage.

Starting Equipment- Short Spear, Sling, Epic-Looking Helmet Made of Antlers, Necklace of Monster Teeth, Human, Fierce and Wild-looking, Killer (Muscle Up!)

Chad– Half-orc- BJ Orc (friends call him Bjorc)- Level Ye Olde Lean Bacon Sammich

Race Stuff: Increase your BAD to 13 if less was rolled.  Fearless: You ain’t afraid of shit. You are immune to fear effects.  Two-handed Fighter: You grew up knowing how to handle large weapons.  When using two-handed melee weapons you gain +2 to damage, but doesn’t suffer +2 to attack (pg XX); Orkish-Resistance: Once per day you can become enraged, gaining Resistance (pg XX) to all physical damage for a number of rounds equal to half your BAD score (round down).  This is a free action on their turn.

Starting Equipment- Maul, Spiked Braces That Look Fucking Metal, Half-orc, Pouch Filled With Small Ceramic Animals, Doodad (Decoy Mixing Powder)

Decoy Mixing Powder: Add hot water and stir for two rounds- creates a squishy version of you that enemies will attack (and eat) unless they succeed on a MOXY save.  What flavor are you, roll 1d6: 1) strawberry; 2) lime; 3) orange; 4) raspberry; 5) blueberry; 6) pineapple mango banana (yummy).  *If you start with this Doodad from a Starter Package, start with 2d2 of these.

New Players

Omar- Human- “Scotch” as name- always drunk.  Peg Leg (with secret compartment to hold booze)- Level Ye Olde Weenie.

Muscle Up! for being human- Ninja– You can hide in shadows that normal people could not.  Also when you make a successful Back Attack (pg XX) you add your level as bonus damage.

Starting Equipment: Crossbow, Crutch (functions as a Club), Thieves Tools, Doodad

Starting Doodad: Invisibility Cloak: While wearing this cloak you are invisible until you remove the cloak or you attack.  Your first attack made on an unaware target is made with Advantage.

Fletch- Dwarf- Called “Tooth”- Albino with a necklace of smelly cheese.  Tattoos on face and arms of robots being chopped into pieces and impaled.  

Race Stuff- Dwarf- You’re a gruff asshole.  You are stout, smell like shitty beer, and stand roughly 4 ½” tall.  You live for combat, drinking, arm wrestling, and stating the obvious to people as if they are all morons.  You can see in the dark up to 30’.  Stout: You are immune to all poisons; Know Stone: You know stone and can tell its secrets (MOXY roll with Advantage if roll is needed in a hurry- otherwise automatically succeed); Slayer: The thrill of combat excites you.  Each successful attack you make grants +1 to damage.  Resets after each fight.

Starting Equipment: Great Axe, and Chainmail Armor (ignores 2 points of damage per attack).

Muscle Up!: I am the Bringer of DEATH!: When you kill a target you are able to make another attack (this can go on and on if you keep killing the target).

Gene- Human- Tyoni- has long hair and exquisite pubic hair, a soul patch, and believes descendant from wolves. Claims to be From the Future (mentions a great city called “Scratchtown”).

Starting Equipment: Wheellock Rifle, Dagger, Flashbang Powder Pouch, and Doodad.

Starting Doodad: Friendly Symbiotes: These little buggers like you.  You swallow this small tape-worm looking creatures.  They heal you quickly, so you can get on with your Medieval Meat Baggy day!  Once per day they will heal you for 1d6 BAD or DSS damage.  If you ever take cold damage, they are killed.  Sometimes you hear them whispering stuff in your brain, like that you’re the herald and savior of all humanoids or a recipe for really delicious pizza sauce.

HOW: I’ve changed character creation in GMoYA slightly from the original DitNP and Into the Odd.  Instead of consulting your strongest attribute and your HP against a chart, just roll 1d100 and consult the table- this gives a 100 different options and allowed me to insert a decent number of race options (i.e., dwarf, elf, halfling, and half-orc- three each, I think- the rest are all human).  The starter package highlights race, quirk/descriptor, unique starting item/equipment, and whether you start with a Muscle Up! or a Doodad.

The group started at Nasty Mimi’s Hooch Parlor after a two weeks of debauchery and laziness.

Liam, Chad, and John rolled on what happened to them between sessions (as they were in the first session).

Liam found some random equipment.  Chad puked on Ol’ Gin (regular at Nasty Mimi’s), and John got black out drunk.

What Happened Between Sessions- Death is the New Pink- Going Medieval on Yo Ass

While the group was drinking, a scraggly pirate came up to them and introduced himself as Slim Jim.  He heard tales that Liam, John, and Chad had found the Know Know Bird (a smarmy/know-it-all Pink Flamingo with a pink mullet) in the Forever Dungeon.  For an escort through the Forever Dungeon and finding the Know Know Bird, Slim Jim was willing to give them the location of a powerful Doodad, The Tree Hand of Glamglug Glamall.  

The Tree Hand of Glamglug Glamall: The staff of the great living tree Glamglug Glamall is known for its expert craftsmanship, beautifully etched runes, oh and its ability to summon a massive hand out of the ground that grabs people (sometimes it can get a little pervy).  When the staff is stabbed into the soil, the user can summon forth a 10’ high wooden hand with jagged bark fingernails and shoots of branches at random spots.  A target must make a DSS save (with Disadvantage) to avoid becoming ensnared by the hand.  The hand remains until the staff is pulled from the ground or the sun sets.  The user can command the hand to crush a target for 1d6 damage per round.    The ensnared target can make a new DSS save each round to break free.  This can be used once per day, however a Medieval Meat Bag can attempt to force the staff to work additional times by passing a MOXY save.

The group agreed.  Fletch hired a mercenary (which had better stats than nearly ALL of them) and they headed to the Forever Dungeon.

HOW: I am designing the Forever Dungeon to be run with zero prep and using die drop charts, tables, and Luck rolls (roll 1d6- if the result is 1-3, it favors the GM/monsters, if the result is 4-6 it favors the players), etc. to be the determining factor rather than me constantly making ultimate decisions.

Kelvin Green and I are working hard to develop this.  Kelvin is doing the art and (along with myself) coming up with zany rooms and fun!  We will have more news on this in the near future!

Here’s info on the Forever Dungeon and how I handle Looting the Body.

Entrance– The band of Medieval Meat Bags walked through a hallway and came to a door at the opposite end.  Nothing of interest encountered.  Liam opened the door.

The Room of the Talking Cow- The group walked into a room with a small hillock on the ground with a cow chewing on some grass.  Omar hobbled into the room and looked at the cow.

The cow raised its head, “Oh…  Hello.”

Omar blinked at it and then put on his invisibility cloak and walked away, not wanting to deal with what just happened.  The cow looked around for a second and then focused on Gene, “Oh… Hello.”

The group talked with the cow, finding out its name is Mi Mi Mi Moo Moo Moo and that he is a magical cow.  He had a quest for the brave Medieval Meat Bags- Find the Heavy Metal Wizard and convince him to throw a concert for Mi Mi Mi Moo Moo Moo’s 13th birthday.  In exchange he offered the group milk from his udders (hey!  Fuck you- he’s a magical cow- he can make milk too, ok?!).

“You’ll have to take it from the right udder- my left has an infection.  Sorry about that.”  The group each got a glass of magical milk (heals 1d12 HP and 1d6 BAD instantly).  While the cow was busy milking itself, Omar snuck up and took some infected milk.  Since he’s drunk, he forgot to label which is which.

The group then asked if the cow knew where the Know Know Bird was.  The cow failed his MOXY roll and told them the Know Know Bird was off to the south west.  In actuality, the Know Know Bird was in the room directly north (heh).

The group headed west.

The Treasure Room- The group found a large treasure chest that was cursed with magical aura.  John was able to circumvent the trap and found some Gold Bits and a few other baubles, one of which was an expensive spy glass.

After everything was looted the group headed west.

The Room of Deadly Pink Flowers

foreverdungeontestroom0011

This is a sketch piece for the Forever Dungeon- art by Kelvin Green

The group came into this room and saw a wall of beautiful pink flowers and a skeleton entangled in the vines, two flowers popping out of the eye sockets.

Liam went over and used his scythe to cull the evil flowers.  They attacked!  The group made quick work of the vines and they withered and died.  Giving high fives and epic bro-like chest bumps, the group headed south.

The Prison Cage Room

The group walked into this room and saw four rusty cages suspended from the ceiling.  Two were empty, one had a skeleton, and the other a human.  He leaned against the cage the moment the group entered.  “Water…” His voice croaked.

Liam walked over and gave him water without hesitation and then freed him.  He got to the ground and stretched and squealed with laughter.   Liam now had a steadfast friend!

l

“Who are you?” Asked Liam.

“My name is Mad Mulligan!”

“Mad Mulligan?” asked John.

“Well yes- you know- because of copyright laws and all that- can never be too careful.  Anyways- I am the greatest swordsman who’s ever lived.”

And thus Mad Mulligan joined the party.

While this was going on, Fletch decided to investigate the rest of the room and found a secret compartment with a small treasure chest.   The bricks were off colored with a fine dust around them.  Fletch took a stick and touched the bricks to move it.  Nothing happened.  He then touched it with his hands.  Green light enveloped his body as he dehydrated and was reduced to dust!  His belongings clattered to the ground.

Mad Mulligan looked over at the noise, “oh hey!  Be careful…  I saw a Mystic put a disintegrating curse over there- oh… too late.”

With that- Fletch took on the role of his Mercenary and the group moved north back through the Pink Flower Room and north again.

HOW: Fletch said he wanted to look around the room for secrets.  I made a Luck roll and it favored the party, so yeah- there was a secret compartment.  I rolled what was in the secret compartment and it was 1d3 random items and some Gold Bits.  Then I made a Luck roll to see if it was trapped- that didn’t favor the players- so it was.

The Room With the Toxic Gelatin

The room was dark and nasty.  Burbling, wet slapping noises echoed off the walls.  Chad and Gene lit their torches and saw a green ooze with the skeleton of a dwarf inside it (this was Kevin’s character who died last session in the Make Out Room).  Gene lost his shit and smacked his face into a wall, stunning himself.  John grabbed him and started backing out of the room.  Omar and Chad rushed in to beat the shit out of the thing.  Omar put on his invisibility cloak (very Harry Potter-esque, eh?!) and moved up behind it and delivered a damaging blow with his crutch.  The ooze turned around and a pseudo-pod lashed out and smashed Omar in the face, melting his head, killing him.

BOOM!  Two Medieval Meat Bags down!

Chad then delivered the killing blow and the thing burbled one last time and then popped and dissolved.

Clambering out of the rubble in the corner was Omar’s new character, Cleave-land!  A 6’9″ hulking mass of muscles.  Human.  Lil brain/bro-type with shreds of clothing, long hair, and beautiful brown skin and tribal tats.

Starting Muscle Up!Fighter: Gain a second attack per round.

After dusting themselves off, the group headed north.

The Library Room

foreverdungeontestroom0010

This is a sketch piece for the Forever Dungeon- art by Kelvin Green

The group found a room filled with pink bookcases and a skeleton “reading” a book.  John moved over to the skeleton and looked at the book.  The writing was illegible and hummed with electric blue energy.  The skeleton turned and looked at John, “Do you MIND…?  It’s rude to read over someone’s shoulder.”

“Oh sorry.”  Said John.  “Say…. you don’t know where the Know Know Bird is, do you?”

“Oh that bird…  yes- I believe he’s over to the east somewhere.”

“Thanks.  I’ll let you get back to your book.”

The others searched for secrets and Liam found a small compartment with some gold.  Chad took some books on vegetarian orc burgers, a book on knitting, and a book on the history of the Forever Dungeon.

With that the group headed east.

The Puuuurrrrfect Room

 

foreverdungeontestroom0003

This is a sketch piece for the Forever Dungeon- art by Kelvin Green

The group saw that the room was empty except for a large metal grate in the center.  “Oh I am staying FAR away from that!” John said and started edging down towards the southern door.

 

As John got halfway through the room they heard a voice issue from the grate and a smoky cat apparition flowed through the grate.

“Noooowwww what tasty morsels do we have here?”

HOW: This room image was inspired by the cat smoke gif- Kelvin did a great job capturing that!

Cat Smoke

The group talked to the cat creature for a few minutes- asking about the Know Know Bird.  The cat creature became indignant.  “Oh.  Him… Ever since someone let him out of his cage (which happened to be John, Chad, and Liam), he’s been walking around all free and acting like he owns the place.  Oh excuuuuuuuuse me that he has a fabulous pink mullet- what a jerk.”

Chad, Liam, and John eyed one another nervously.

“Why look for him?  I’d make a much better friend than him!”

“I’ll be your friend,” Chad said.  “We aren’t looking for him to be friends.  We were hired to find him by that guy (points at Slim Jim who is hiding in the back of everyone).”

“Oh…  well then.  Good luck.  See you soon!”  The cat reached smoky arms and paws out and stretched.  Huge silver scythe-like claws manifested and then retracted.  The cat creature retreated back into the grate.

The group decided to head South.

The Spring Spike Trap Room

The room was filled with white and off-white checkered floor tiles.  John used his sling and sack full of colorful rocks to test the tiles.  When a rock landed on the white tiles, nothing happened.  When one landed on the off-white, 3′ high spikes shot through the ground for a moment and then retreated.

“Well shit…” Said John.  John decided to take his time getting across the room to the eastern door.

As John made it to the door, the group heard a gross squealing from behind them.  A horrific giant pig with rotting flesh and foot long blades poking out of its hide walked into The Puuuurrrrfect Room. 

HOW: Since John stated that he was taking his time, I rolled a random encounter- rolled a 1 (encounter time- first time all session!!!).  I then rolled on my table to create a Nefario on the fly and rolled the words “rotting”, “Blade-covered”, and “Pig”.  BOOM!  There’s the enemy.  Gave it 10 in all stats and rolled 1d3 to determine it’s HD (I rolled a 3).  I rolled 3d6 and it started with 15 HP.

Chad used his shield to push the pig creature into the spike trap room, causing it to set off a trap and take 8 points of damage.  Omar jumped into the room to attack it and failed his Dodging Some Shit roll- impaling himself on the spikes (losing his left eye in the process) and falling unconscious.

The pig creature made it’s way back to Chad and headbutted his ass hard (critical success).  Down went Chad- unconscious and possibly dead.  John then mock squealed at the pig and enraged it, causing it to come back into the spike trap room.  Again, it failed its MOXY save and was impaled on a trap twice, killing it.  John walked back and revived Omar and Chad.  The group headed through the eastern door and found…

The Room of the Know Know Bird

Sitting in a dapper nest atop a ruined cage was a regal pink flamingo.

“Oh hey you guys!  How’s going on?  Not many people come to see me twice!”

HOW: For some reason the Know Know Bird is a mix of Christopher Walken and Joe Pesci when I voice him…. Whatever- but it’s fun.

The group exchanged banter and allowed Slim Jim to ask his question- which surmounted to “where’s my wife?”

“Oh- she died.  In the Calamity.  Pretty horrible too, ya know.  I mean shit wasn’t kind to her.”

“But- she had a place in The Tanks!” Cried Slim Jim.

“Yeah well- your wife thought that it was a form of governmental overstepping and control and skipped out- figuring she would actually just become brainwashed.”

Slim Jim needed booze and wanted to leave.

Omar had never seen the Know Know Bird and asked for the history of the Forever Dungeon.

“Oh- that’s interesting.  During the Calamity some entities made this place- and they made me.  Are they gods…?  Is this an experiment upon which our benefactors and creators watch us repeatedly engage in the same dance and routine over and over again…?  Is it for their humor?  Is this merely a dream, repeated as an example of the futility of attempting to escape ones fate…?”

Omar scratched his head- the answer too confusing for him.

“Oh hey guys- You know I’ve decided to branch out now- you know- gotta market myself better!  Have a fortune cookie.  Crack that sucker open and get lucky!”

Aside: The fortune cookies give Advantage on one Luck roll.  

With that the group decided to do one more room and headed South…

Back to The Room of the Talking Cow.

There was quite a bit of laughter at the fact that if they had just headed north they would have found the damned bird right away…

So the group said hi to Mi Mi Mi Moo Moo Moo again and headed east.

The Man With Tumorous Growth Room

this-amazingly-creepy-art-looks-like-something-out-of-hellraiser

This guy was in the center of the room, covered in these growths.  His moans were pitiful, indecent, and horrific.

The group launched into combat and… got really really hurt (except for John).  By this point we were down to just John, Omar, and Chad… and Omar and Chad were already hurting pretty bad.

Omar went unconscious again.  John and Chad finished the creature off and revived Omar.  When he came to, he had gained a mutation- and oddly enough I rolled whole body and covered in tumorous growths…  Omar lost a permanent 4 MOXY, however if he touches a target they must succeed a BAD save or be stunned for 1d4 rounds.

With that the group went to Nasty Mimi’s Hooch Parlor to carouse and blot out the terribleness of the adventure.

Carousing Results

John- Didn’t need much and just drank a little.  Ended up streaking through the Flotsam square and got arrested and had to pay a fine.

Omar- helped a small orphan from getting beat up and now has a loyal companion named Sonny Jim.  He also got a magical tattoo of a broken heart on his chest.  It allows him to cast the Mystic spell Recipe For Hate once and then it will fade away.

Recipe for Hate:  You touch an ally, causing them to become consumed with rage and hate.  All attacks are made with Advantage and they gain an extra 1 armor point.  The ally will attack enemies first, however if there are no more enemies and they are still under the effects of the spell they must succeed a MOXY save (made with Disadvantage) or attack one of their own.  Lasts 1 minute.

Chad- Pissed himself and will now be ridiculed for the next session (Disadvantage on MOXY saves with bartering/schmoozing), now has an animal friend (a pig- go figure), and joined a protest- it was boring- just like his life.

Next session this Wednesday

The Graveyard

Graveyard

 

Dwarf With No Name (Kevin)“Here lies the Dwarf With No Name, he done got dissolved by a puddle of goo- so pathetic, so lame.”

Tooth (Fletch)“Not much you could say about Tooth,

Except faces he liked to smash,

And was disintegrated; gone in a poof,

Ain’t nothing left by ash.”

Scotch (Omar)“No one seemed to care when Scotch died,

No one cared for his life.

No one cried,

Not even his wife.”

The Final Map of the Session

The Forever Dungeon


Death is the New Pink: Going Medieval On Yo’ Ass Session Two- Making Out in the Forever Dungeon

Yesterday I got to run my RL group (based in Rochester, NY) through my upcoming Death is the New Pink project, DitNP: Going Medieval on Yo’ Ass! and the Forever Dungeon.  Last post I mentioned that I was playtesting these rules and gave some info on the Forever Dungeon and GMoYA.

Players

Liam- Elf- Oberon- Spouts off cliche life lessons- Ye Olde Weenie (level)

Race Stuff- Elf- You are tall, standing up to 7’ high, gorgeous, haughty, and just plain smug as fuck.  People get annoyed with your constant reminders of how great the Elven Kingdoms once were, your stupid Elven pride, your insanely long lifespan, and your epic snootiness.  Race Stuff: You can see in low-light conditions as if it were daylight up to 60’.  Arcane-Blooded: Roll for one spell from the Mystic spell list (pg XX).  You can cast the spell 1d3 times per day (roll the die each morning to see how many times you can cast.  This ability stacks if you take/have the Mystic Muscle Up!).  Gorgeous Demeanor: You are beautiful and you know it.  Once per day you can automatically succeed at a MOXY save for influencing someone.  Keen Eyes: You roll with Advantage on spotting secret doors (if a roll is necessary.  Otherwise automatically succeed).

Archer Muscle Up- Fire two shots at once at one target (if attack is successful, roll damage with Advantage) or attack two different targets at once (roll attack with Disadvantage) with a bow or darts.

Starting Equipment: Jar full of honey, bow, sword, and steadfast hawk (pet).

Kevin- Dwarf- Dwarf With No Name- Pierced nipples and a “Get off my lawn attitude”- Ye Olde Winnie (level)

Race Stuff- Dwarf- You’re a gruff asshole.  You are stout, smell like shitty beer, and stand roughly 4 ½” tall.  You live for combat, drinking, arm wrestling, and stating the obvious to people as if they are all morons.

Race Stuff: You can see in the dark up to 30’.  Stout: You are immune to all poisons; Know Stone: You know stone and can tell its secrets (MOXY roll with Advantage if roll is needed in a hurry- otherwise automatically succeed); Slayer: The thrill of combat excites you.  Each successful attack you make grants +1 to damage.  Resets after each fight.

Starting Equipment: Morning Star, Handaxe, and Doodad (Mohawk goop).

Mohawk Goop: Sticky hair product that keeps your mohawk looking awesomely exceptional and hardcore!  When applied, it will dye your mohawk the color of your choosing.  You have 10 applications of this stuff!

Tyler- Human- Joey Crab- Blames others for his own mistakes- Ye Olde Weenie (level)

Muscle Up for being Human- Stabbing Things- Increase damage with melee weapons to 1d8.

Starting Muscle Up- Second Wind- Once per day you can muster your strength and instantly regain 50% of your HP while in combat.

Starting Equipment: Morning Star, Shield (absorbs two chosen attacks before breaking), and Lard Popper Jug (throw and creates a nasty slippery mess).

Sammi- Human- Sammi- Pink mohawk and punk rock sneer- Ye Olde Weenie (level)

Aside: Sammi thought I had said “Punk Rock Smear”… So for awhile there were jokes about less-than-reputable doctors performing punk rock smears in seedy back alley dens.

Muscle Up! for being Human: I Have a Friend: You’ve attracted the attention of someone. When you are drop to 5 or fewer HP, make a Luck roll. If it favors you, this friend shows up, fully loaded with a wheellock pistol, a short sword, a shield, and a kick-ass attitude, to save your sorry butt.  Roll Friend’s ability scores.  They start at level 2.  Roll a Starter Package (pg XX).  The Friend levels when player’s Meat Bag does.  If your Friend dies, you attract another after one month (they start at level 2).  It’s because you are THAT cool.

Starting Equipment: Spiked Chain, Spiked Leather Armor, and Doodad (Vial of Hemogoblin Blood).

Vial of Hemogoblin Blood: This blood is taken from the foul Hemogoblin.  When splashed on a target they suffer 2d6 damage and succeed on a BAD save to avoid becoming intoxicated by oxygen (suffering Disadvantage to all rolls for 1d4 hours).  If the target suffers critical damage from the blood, they must make a BAD save to avoid developing massive painful hives and exploding 1d4 rounds later.  *If you start with this Doodad from a Starter Package, start with 2d2 of these.

Let’s Start…

Entrance– The band of Medieval Meat Bags walked through a hallway and came to a door at the opposite end.  Nothing of interest encountered.  Dwarf With No Name opened the door.

The Bowling Ball Room

Dwarf With No Name opened the door and saw a dead body in the middle of the floor.  Peering into the room, Dwarf With No Name saw that the bodies’ head had been smashed by a pink bowling ball.  Dwarf With No Name ran into the room and started tearing off the plate mail and began putting it on.  Sammi and Oberon heard a giggle from the ceiling.

foreverdungeontestroom0001

This is a sketch piece for the Forever Dungeon- art by Kelvin Green

Upside down on the ceiling was an emaciated human-looking creature with saddle bags draped over it’s stomach.  It began pulling a bowling ball out of the saddle bags and let it fall on Dwarf With No Name- who took 3 points of damage (ouch!  Kevin’s character only has 4 HP).

Oberon quickly fired off an arrow and killed the creature, which fell with a clunk on the ground.  Dwaft With No Name finished putting on the boss plate armor and the group took the five remaining bowling balls, and headed west.

The Tumor Thing That Cries Like a Baby Room

Joey Crab opened the door and peered inside and saw a disgusting mound of flesh sitting in the room.  Tyler rolled a bowling ball at it, hit it, and it began to cry like a baby, so they shut the door hurriedly and marched east.

The Apple on a Stool Room

Sammi opened the door the to room and saw a single wooden stool in the middle of the room with a crisp-looking red apple on top.  Sammi aimed a bowling ball at the apple and let go.  The apple was knocked off the stool and fell to the ground, bursting into a bunch of glittering Gold Bits (34 in all).  Sammi quickly gathered them up.

foreverdungeontestroom0007

Sketch for the Forever Dungeon- art by Kelvin Green

As Sammi gathered up the coins, the rest of the Medieval Meat Bags watched as a small rickety tree grew from the stool seat and budded.  Dwarf With No Name excited picked up the stool and watched sadly as the tree withered, died, and fell off.  He still took the stool.

The group headed back to the Bowling Ball Room and then headed north.

The Three Doodad Room

The band of Medieval Meat Bags discovered a raised stairway with a dais.  On the dais was three items- A six pack of tall can beer, a jar of grape jelly, and a mallet.

foreverdungeontestroom0009

Sketch for the Forever Dungeon- art by Kelvin Green

Dwarf With No Name took the mallet, which ended up being a Box-o-Mallet (think Who Framed Roger Rabbit).  Squeeze the handle and a boxing glove on a spring pops out and punches a Nefario on the face for 1d6 damage.

Oberon took the six pack of beer and discovered that it was actually Mead of Whoop Ass!  Mead of Whoop Ass: YOU FEEL SUPER PUMPED AND EXTREME!  LIKE THE ENTIRE WORLD IS YOUR PLAYGROUND AND YOU HAVE TO SHOUT SO YOU CAN ANNOUNCE YOU’RE AWESOMENESS AND YOU THINK EVERYONE LIKES YOU ALTHOUGH PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY JUST ANNOYED BY YOUR LOUD VOICE!  Your next four attacks deal max damage if they land successfully.  Suffer Disadvantage to all MOXY saves for the next hour due to the crash.

Joey Crab took the jar of Jelly and I called on him to make a successful MOXY save, which he failed and began snarfing down the jelly.  I then asked for another BAD save to begin the process of the Jelly Walker (see below) consuming his innards, but the motherfucker critically succeeded.

Well… Joey Crab coughed and coughed and coughed and coughed until he felt a cracking and then coughed up a huge pile of grape jelly and one of his ribs.  The puddle of jelly moved and became a blob creature with the rib acting as its shoulders, tiny gooey arms dangling from the bone.

Joey Crab then made peace with the creature, and gained a companion- THE GRAPENATOR!!!

With that the group headed west.

 

 

The Jelly Walker

Jelly Monster

Jelly Walker piece by Evlyn for DitNP

BAD 10, DSS 14, MOXY 6, HP 10, AP 3
DRIVEN TO BE BURBBLE, GURGLE, OOZE, AND RUIN YOUR SAMMICH TIME!
Jelly Walkers are terrible creatures that ruin even the best PB&J!  Jars of jelly that have sat on shelves for the decades (or has it been centuries?) since the world fell have grown sour and become full of hatred.  When a Meat Bag opens these jars of jelly, they must succeed a MOXY save or be enticed to eat the entire thing!  Each day the Meat Bag must make a BAD save or suffer 1d10 BAD damage as the Jelly Walker consumes their insides.  Once a Meat Bag’s BAD reaches 0, their flesh dissolves and the Jelly Walker rises from the skeletal remains.  The creature’s sticky pseudopods cause the skeleton’s hands and legs to move, like a creepy marionette.  A Jelly Walker can attack with its tongue of a thousand jelly flavors (1d6 damage and the target must succeed a DSS save to avoid becoming coated in sticky jelly and stuck to the ground).  A Jelly Walker will swallow stuck targets and digest them in their stomach.  Jelly Walkers are capable of climbing vertical surfaces and love hiding in corners to spring attacks on fleshy, super-tasty Meat Bags!

The Make Out Room 

The group opened the door and saw it was shrouded in darkness and a strange, indecent noise echoed off the walls.  Sammi threw a lit torch into the room and saw two large heads on opposite walls, their tongues stretching 15′ out of their mouths, intertwined and twirling, while they moaned in pleasure.  The floor was covered in a gross green goo.

Forever Dungeon 1

 

Aside: I KNEW I wanted to put this in the dungeon when I came across it looking for inspirational  images for a dungeon.  It reeeeeeaaaaaallllly crept my group out- so yay!

Dwarf With No Name decided to enter the room.  I had Kevin make a Luck roll (which he failed) to see if the room had a hazard…  it did.  When Dwarf With No Name stepped on the ground, the goo started raising up and eventually formed a lime-flavored Toxic Gelatin.

 

Forever Dungeon 2

The fight was over before it really began.  Dwarf With No Name critically failed his attack roll and instead of attacking, head butted the Toxic Gelatin, dying instantly and started dissolving.  The group closed the door and headed back through the Three Doodad Room and to the east.  Kevin made a new character.

Kevin- Human– Human With No Name- Smells of Cheap Wine and Cheaper Perfume- Ye Olde Winnie (level)

Muscle Ups!:  Bullseye: Increase damage with ranged weapons to 1d8.

Mechanic: Really good at fixing machines and automatons.

Starting Gear: Wheellock pistol and broken wine bottle (as dagger).

The Ray Gun Room

The group entered the room and discovered a futuristic ray gun on a dais.  There were two bell-looking things on opposite ends of the room, pointed at the Dais.  The group began to try to fiddle with them (including hitting them with bowling balls) until Human With No Name (gotta introduce him somehow) burst into the room.  Seeing allies he shouted, “GOBLINS!”

Fourteen goblins began hassling the band of Medieval Meat Bags.  The group took some hard licks, but eventually killed 7 of the little fuckers, causing the remaining 7 to flee back into the dungeon (oh and Kevin nearly died… again).  The group looted the goblins, each getting a crazy/random item.

With that the group headed back to Flotsam to Nasty Mimi’s Hooch Parlor to carouse and regroup.

Oberon was in an epic bar brawl gaining people’s respect, but then made a drunk idiot of himself and now people are embarrassed for him.   He also won over a dog and now has two animal friends.

Sammi beat the shit out of ruffian that was hassling some piss ass NPC.  She’s now got a buddy.  Then she went all punk rock and graffitied a wall- cause she’s a rebel!

Joey Crabs did drugs and has a dose of Nightshade Goblin Nuggets left to smoke (gives you the use of one Mystic spell when smoked)!

Human With No Name found a rug that really tied his room together.

We then leveled everyone up to Ye Olde Lean Bacon Sammich and called it a night!

I am really happy with the DitNP: GMoYA rules and feel!  It’s quick, easy, and deadly!

Below is what the dungeon looked like by the end of the session.

 

IMG_4588


Death is the New Pink: Going Medieval On Yo’ Ass Session One- Into the Forever Dungeon

Yesterday we kicked off playtesting two new Death is the New Pink projects I’m working on.  The first is Death is the New Pink: Going Medieval on Yo’ Ass and the second is The Forever Dungeon.  I did a post the other day with a little info on DitNP: GMoYA and The Forever Dungeon.

Players

Liam– Human- Mort (Morty for short)- Level Ye Olde Weenie

Muscle Up! for being human- I am the Bringer of Death– When you kill a target you are able to make another attack (this can go on and on if you keep killing the target).

Starting Equipment– Scythe, Vial of Poison, Flashbang Powder Pouch, Human, Believes Sculpting Their Mashed Potatoes Means Something, Doodad (Frozen Tears of the Spoiled Princess)

Frozen Tears of the Spoiled Prince(ss): There once was a spoiled prince(ss) (or maybe he/she was just really sad) and he/she cried and cried and blah blah blah.  Anyways, these tears are magically frozen and when one is thrown at a target they must succeed a BAD save or become frozen for 2d6 rounds.  If the target is at 0 HP and fails their save, they are permanently frozen.  *If you start with this Doodad from a Starter Package, start with 2d2 of these.

John– Human- Cheshire- Level Ye Olde Weenie

Muscle Up! for being human- Ninja– You can hide in shadows that normal people could not.  Also when you make a successful Back Attack (pg XX) you add your level as bonus damage.

Starting Equipment- Short Spear, Sling, Epic-Looking Helmet Made of Antlers, Necklace of Monster Teeth, Human, Fierce and Wild-looking, Killer (Muscle Up!)

 

Chad– Half-orc- BJ Orc (friends call him Bjorc)- Level Ye Olde Weenie

Race Stuff: Increase your BAD to 13 if less was rolled.  Fearless: You ain’t afraid of shit. You are immune to fear effects.  Two-handed Fighter: You grew up knowing how to handle large weapons.  When using two-handed melee weapons you gain +2 to damage, but doesn’t suffer +2 to attack (pg XX); Orkish-Resistance: Once per day you can become enraged, gaining Resistance (pg XX) to all physical damage for a number of rounds equal to half your BAD score (round down).  This is a free action on their turn.

Starting Equipment- Maul, Spiked Braces That Look Fucking Metal, Half-orc, Pouch Filled With Small Ceramic Animals, Doodad (Decoy Mixing Powder)

Decoy Mixing Powder: Add hot water and stir for two rounds- creates a squishy version of you that enemies will attack (and eat) unless they succeed on a MOXY save.  What flavor are you, roll 1d6: 1) strawberry; 2) lime; 3) orange; 4) raspberry; 5) blueberry; 6) pineapple mango banana (yummy).  *If you start with this Doodad from a Starter Package, start with 2d2 of these.

Quick Start

Nasty Mimi

We made characters and then started with a summary of the group getting a drink at Nasty Mimi’s Hooch Parlor and figuring out how to make some quick gold bits.

 

The group of green behind the ears Medieval Meat Bags decided it would be best to Forever Dungeon for their first official run and get some Doodads, booze, and Gold Bits.

 

What is The Forever Dungeon

No one knows who built the Forever Dungeon, and let’s face it- no Medieval Meat Bag worth their weight in smoked sausage gives a shit.  It’s a twisting labyrinth of rooms; some constructed of drab grey stone, others of smooth obsidian, others made of large vibrantly green jade bricks, and others of cool metal with alien technology infused throughout- so on and so forth.

Riddles and puzzles, traps, Nefarios, Gold Bits, and most importantly, Doodads, can be found throughout the rooms of the Forever Dungeon.  Medieval Meat Bag after Medieval Meat Bag runs into this dangerous dungeon in the hopes of striking it rich or nabbing a powerful Doodad!  Many don’t make it out, instead ending up a bloody smear on the ground.

However, there’s a couple catches (isn’t there always?): First- almost every time the Forever Dungeon is vacated of Medieval Meat Bags, it seems to rearrange itself (that’s just mean, right?!), so it makes mapping the damned thing impossible!  Second- you may think you made it big with a bunch of powerful Doodads, but there is a pretty good chance they are illusions that only function when you’re in the Forever Dungeon.  The moment you walk out the door: poof, they’re gone!  Not all Doodads are illusions though, and that’s what keeps Medieval Meat Bags going back, time and time again- like rats in a maze hitting a button for a fucking food pellet!

Into the Dungeon

Entrance– The band of Medieval Meat Bags walked through a hallway and came to a door at the opposite end.  Nothing of interest encountered.  Bjorc opened the door.

Dead Elf Room- The door opened and the group saw the dead body of an elf; his chest crushed with a large object.  Morty looted the body and found a collection of colorful rocks.  He sighed and gave Cheshire, who had a sling.

The group headed east.

Aside: I used my Loot Die Drop Table to generate any objects found on the body and it worked really well.  By telling the players that they could choose how long they search the body, which allows them to possibly find more goodies, but comes with increasing risk worked! 

The Creepy Jack in the Box Room- As Bjorc entered the room a lazy, creepy version of Maple Leaf Rag echos through the chamber.

A large box is in the room and the handle is turning slowly.  The music ends and a giant Jack pops out of the box.  Bjorc goes to investigate and the Jack attacks, smacking the shit out of him.  Morty is caught off guard and is unable to act this round.  The fight took Bjorc out of commission (although he didn’t die) and they were able to finish off the Jack (sounds dirty) after a few rounds.  It was a good first combat and a refresher on DitNP combat.

The group searched the room and decided to head north.

The Mirror Room- In this room was a dusty mirror with a pink frame.  The group tried to avoid the room.  Morty looked in the mirror and saw himself even more awesome than he already is, gaining +1 to MOXY for the session.  Cheshire avoided the thing altogether and Bjorc looked in it and saw himself as a haggard son of a bitch, but suffered nothing else.

The group headed east.

The Room of the Three Doodads- The group walked into this room and saw doors leading west and north and along the southern wall, three dais, upon each rested a Doodad.  One held a maul with a pink handle and skulls with spikes coming out of the eye sockets on the flat parts of the hammer.   Another held a viking helmet with horns.  The horns didn’t end in tips however, but were flat and had circular openings.  The final one housed a laser gun.  The group talked among themselves and decided who would get what.

Morty went after the helmet and picked it up with no problem and got: Dwarven Horned Party Helmet: The greatest and heartiest of warriors don this helmet.  The copper metal dome protects the noggin, while the elongated bull horns give it a fierce appearance. The horns are magically enchanted to always be full of tasty Dwarven Brew. The horns can be turned upside down so the tips are pointed towards the wearer’s mouth, allowing easy hands-free consumption of the brew.

Chesire went after the maul and nabbed it and got: The Mangler: This maul’s (pg XX) attacks always land in the targets genitals. The target must succeed a BAD save or be stunned for 1 round. If the target takes critical damage, it’s bad. Really bad.

Bjorc went to the ray gun and went to grab it, but his hand passed through it.  A hologram!  He was able to jump back just in time to avoid the lightning bolts that would have fried his ass to crispy chicken level.

The group headed west.

The Fish Hook Room- The group entered the room and saw a human-sized fishhook.  On the end was a parcel.  Bjorc couldn’t contain himself and jumped on the hook and attempted to wrestle the package free.  He felt the hook jerk and was able to let go just in time as it disappeared through the ceiling of the dungeon, which rippled like a stone hitting the water, and then went still again.

Gif

The group moved to the north door and Bjorc, in a fit of pouting rage after losing the package, kicked it open.  The loud noise attracted the attention of a Nefario in the south room.

The southern door crashed opened and a massive orc lumbered into the room, carrying a shield, a two-handed maul in one hand, and came to fuck shit up.

Orc

Orc

BAD 16, DSS 10, MOXY 8, HP 16, AP 2

DRIVEN TO INTIMIDATE AND BE A TERRIFYING BAD ASS!

Orcs are massive creatures with green skin, beady red eyes, giant tusks, ham-sized fists that they use to punch the shit out of soft weak Medieval Meat Bags (1d8 damage), intimidating spikey armor, shields (pg XX), and over-sized weapons (almost as if they are overcompensating for something, right?!  Weapons deal 1d10 damage).  Orcs smell like garbage and death and take pride in that.  Orcas are immune to fear effects and once per combat an orc gains resistance to all physical damage for 1 turn.

Aside: One thing that has always bothered me about orcs in D&D is they are portrayed as huge vicious fighters- and they are- for the first level (maybe two levels), but then after that- they are kinda meh cannon fodder.  I want orcs to be a scourge and something that’s terrifying for a Medieval Meat Bag at Ye Olde Weenie Level or even up to Grand Poobah Meat Bag Level.  Based on the fight last night- I think I achieved this.

The group set to wailing away on the orc.  This fight was fucking hard as hell.  Cheshire got off a hit in the opening round with the Mangler, busting the orc right in the balls, stunning him.  This let the group get some attacks in with Advantage.  Eventually the orc started swinging and Cheshire went down (but didn’t die), and Bjorc was nearly killed.  Morty blinded the orc and snuck up on him and got a back attack and critically succeeded, killing him.

The group looted the body, took the shield (shields absorb the damage of two attacks before being made useless) and went north.

The Room of the “Know Know Bird”

In this room was a large flamingo in a wooden cage.  It talked.  The group approached it carefully.  It asked to be let out.  The group asked why they should do that.

“Ah come on guys.  You lemme out- you get something in return.  I’m good for it.  You lemme out and I’ll answer one question each about the dungeon.  My name is the Know Know Bird.  I know shit, know what I’m sayin’.”

Aside: I did a voice and motivations very similar to a character in Hawaii 5.0 for some reason.  Scumbag guy with a mullet.  I said the flamingo had a pink mullet…  Why not, right?

After the group let the Know Know Bird out, they asked their questions for information, and moved on.

The group went west.

Crazy Helga’s Den

Bjorc asked where he could get some supplies.  The Know Know Bird had pointed them to the western door, to Crazy Helga.

Crazy Helga

Crazy Helga collects stuff.  She wanders The Forever Dungeon and picks up stuff from the dead bodies.  She sells stuff too… for a decent price or a future favor.

Bjorc bought some Healing Vapor Rubs, Morty bought a book called, “Dum Dum’s Guide on How to Pick up Chicks” and Cheshire bought some drugs: Nightshade Goblin Nuggets (150 GB, drug): Smoked, allows you to use one Mystic power once (roll randomly for power) and gives you Advantage on saves against Mystic abilities for 1d4 hours.  Once drug has worn off make a MOXY roll.  If save fails, permanently reduce MOXY by 1.

The group headed back through the Know Know Birds room to the east to find the wizard that held an invisibility cloak.

Snail Boy Room

In this room the group fought an anthropomorphic snail creature that had the legs of a child and the upper body and shell of a snail with hands with long claws.  The group was getting their butt kicked by the creature, but eventually hit it (it only had 1 HP and a 9 BAD score).  They killed it.

Snail Man

During the fight Cheshire had smoked his drugs and could cast the spell Poison Heart

Poison Heart: You remove the heart from a dead body and work necrotic magics into it.  The heart becomes rotten, vile, and really ichy!  You can throw this nasty piece of corpse meat at another target, who must succeed a BAD save or suffer 1d20 Bad damage.  The heart explodes upon impact and releases poison cloud in 10’ radius for 2d6 damage to all (no save).

Cheshire then cast the spell on the heart from the Snail Boy and Bjorc cut off the creature’s shell.

The group headed east.

Dead Head Room- The group came across three severed heads and another body nailed to the wall in this room.  Bjorc stuffed the three heads into the snail shell and they moved on east to the next room.

The Room of the Heavy Metal Wizard- Sitting on a metal throne was a wizard with a stupid pointy hat covered in stars and moons, petting an imp.  In his other hand was an epic guitar.

“Who dares enter the throne room of the Heavy Metal Wizard?!” The wizard held up the guitar and sparks shot from the neck!

Heavy Metal Wizard

I love this picture.  Found it here

The group talked with the wizard for a few minutes.  Bjorc offered the severed heads to the wizard.

“Those were my previous band mates!  They were fucking lame!  However… I do miss them.”  The wizard took the heads and put them on the throne, “you’re home now guys.”

Morty then offered a book on how to pick up chicks in exchange for his invisibility cloak.  The Heavy Metal Wizard asked to look through the book and then, if it held the promises Morty was making, he would offer up the cloak.  Morty agreed and handed the book over.

The Heavy Metal Wizard started thumbing through, “Oh… I see!  Yes.  It’s so simple!  You just have to pretend to give a shit about what they’re saying!  I get it now!  Oh yes!  Here- take the cloak!”

With the cloak in hand, the Heavy Metal Wizard created a portal for the group to head back to Flotsam.

The group caroused (that’s how you get back lost ability score points).

Bjork burnt down a shack (Cheshire saw him do it) and got a magical tattoo.

Cheshire joined a medieval bowling league and went on a drunken shopping spree, going in debt and buying a bunch of shit he didn’t need.

Morty got drunk and fell down a well for a few hours and found a hidden stash of Gold Bits and a few items in the process.

And that’s where we wrapped up the session for the night.

As I was doing with my Barrowmaze campaign, I will be running this for both my group concurrently and see how their shit fucks with one another!

IMG_4346

Here’s the final layout for the dungeon

Carousing Rules

Pink are positive outcomes, white are neutral or negative outcomes.

You can gamble 1, 2, or 3d6s.

Drop the number of dice you choose on the chart. If the die is on a line, it is moved into the box which the die occupies the most.

Add all the numbers together and x by 10. That’s how many Gold Bits you blew on your bender!

Death is the New Pink- Going Medieval on Yo Ass Carousing Table


What is Death is the New Pink: Going Medieval on Yo’ Ass? Oh and Here’s a Loot Die Drop Chart!

I’m about done with the first draft of Death is the New Pink: Going Medieval on Yo’ Ass (DitNP: GMoYA), which is the “fantasy” version of Death is the New Pink!  Now that I’m nearly done with the first draft I can start playtesting it.  I will be running my group through the Forever Dungeon.

What is Death is the New Pink: Going Medieval on Yo’ Ass!

DitNP: GMoYA is a fantasy version of Death is the New Pink.  It is inspired by rpgs like Earthdawn and Warhammer and movie

This strange, zany, twisted, and bizarre world setting uses a mash-up of the fun Into the Odd rules by Chris McDowall and The Black Hack by David Black plus my own variations/house rules and is inspired by Tank Girl, Mad Max, Adventure Time, the Evil Dead Trilogy, and RPGs like Earthdawn and Warhammer Fantasy Role-playing Game.  Players take on the roles of Medieval Meat Bags that wander the twisting, packed and malformed streets of Flotsam, travel through this newly formed jungle world on various beasts of burden, or catch a ride on a zeppelin (should they dare).  Their goal: to find Doodads, obtain materials for trade, or to cause mayhem, death and destruction just for the sake of it.  Medieval Meat Bags have lost everything, their world is gone, and the new one is filled with horrific creatures and strange inhabitants, nearly all whom want to kill and devour the tender body of a Medieval Meat Bag, so the prospect of death is common and accepted as par of course.  Death is the New Pink: Going Medieval on Yo’ Ass! is brutal, bloody, and chaotic.  Things should be kept fast-paced and it’s more than fine if it doesn’t make sense!  Character death is fairly common and should be embraced; a particularly blood death should be applauded and celebrated!  Enjoy spreading chaos in the Yet-to-be-Wasted World (trust me, eventually it’s gonna go tits up… big time)!

The State of the World

“It was pretty bad… the skies turned upside down, the air became fetid and choking, my insides boiled, and I wretched until there was nothing left but dry heaving.  And then nothing… Just empty darkness.  I awoke covered in my own filth and someone had drawn huge genitals on my fucking forehead!  That’s why I don’t dare drink Nasty Mimi’s hooch anymore!  You’d have thought I’d have learned that after I got drunk on the stuff and got a giant tattoo on my back of me snugglin’ a kitten!  Anyways, the way I felt after drinking that hooch was nothing compared to how I felt after waking up from The Tanks.

No one really knows how it all started, but basically every fucking bad thing you could imagine happening happened.  The seas turned red, the skies boiled, death and disease, violent earthquakes, robot overlords (I didn’t even know what the hell a robot was until one blasted off my damned leg with their laser beams!), the undead rose up and walked the earth, horrible mutated beasts wandered the wilderness stalking us, demon princes spewed forth from the bowels of hell, killer clowns (have you see how scary those fuckers are?!), human sacrifices, cats and dogs living together, mass hysteria, and worse all happened at once!  We call it the Calamity.  Simple, right?  Gets the point across…

No two ways about it; we were fucked.  The great sages concocted a plan to save us.  They called it The Tanks.  These large vats were built in underground vaults constructed by the dwarves and filled with slimy alchemical liquids brewed by Mystics and elves.  The chosen few (don’t ask me how I got on that list- I thought I was gonna die) were strapped into seats (they weren’t very comfortable) and submerged into the goo.

The idea was we’d sleep for just long enough for the evil crazy fucked up shit going on around the planet to burn itself out and we’d emerge, well-rested mind you, and reclaim our world.  The sages anticipated that we’d sleep for two hundred years… well the jokes on us because we slept for two thousand years and all those crazy evil bastards are all still here.  Now there may not be as many nasties as when it all started, but there are still plenty out there wanting nothing more than to fuck our faces with lasers, wear our hearts as jewelry, or lay eggs in our chest cavity!

The world as we knew it is gone!  It’s all about setting out and killing the bad shit, finding Doodads to make us stronger, and getting piss drunk to blur out the horrors.

Anyways, all of this really isn’t important- I mean really- who cares about how the world got this way?  The reality is at some point you’re gonna end up a bloody smear on the ground!  It’s kill or be killed.  Might as well fucking enjoy it!”

The Forever Dungeon

No one knows who built the Forever Dungeon, and let’s face it- no Medieval Meat Bag worth their weight in smoked sausage gives a shit.  It’s a twisting labyrinth of rooms; some constructed of drab grey stone, others of smooth obsidian, others made of large vibrantly green jade bricks, and others of cool metal with alien technology infused throughout- so on and so forth.

Riddles and puzzles, traps, Nefarios, Gold Bits, and most importantly, Doodads, can be found throughout the rooms of the Forever Dungeon.  Medieval Meat Bag after Medieval Meat Bag runs into this dangerous dungeon in the hopes of striking it rich or nabbing a powerful Doodad!  Many don’t make it out, instead ending up a bloody smear on the ground.

However, there’s a couple catches (isn’t there always?): First- almost every time the Forever Dungeon is vacated of Medieval Meat Bags, it seems to rearrange itself (that’s just mean, right?!), so it makes mapping the damned thing impossible!  Second- you may think you made it big with a bunch of powerful Doodads, but there is a pretty good chance they are illusions that only function when you’re in the Forever Dungeon.  The moment you walk out the door: poof, they’re gone!  Not all Doodads are illusions though, and that’s what keeps Medieval Meat Bags going back, time and time again- like rats in a maze hitting a button for a fucking food pellet!

Looting the Body

To find out what is on the body of a fallen Nefario, a player can roll 2-6 d6’s on this table.  Whatever square the die occupies the most is what the player obtains.  If multiples are rolled (i.e., two 3’s, four fives, etc.) then that means the item is cursed, trapped, or a random encounter occurs.  If a die rolls off the table, it counts as finding nothing on the body, but the number still counts towards determining multiples.  Feel something is unique– just cross it off and write something in it’s place.

Here’s the PDF: Death is the New Pink Loot Die Drop Chart PDFDeath is the New Pink Loot Die Drop Chart

 


Barrowmaze Season 6- A Druid Joins the Party- and Then Dies. Oh and Treasure!

My online group got together for the first time in nearly two months (damn the busy schedule!) and got to play some more in our Barrowmaze campaign.

The Party

  • John- Half-demon Paladin (follower of Sylvanus)- level 2
  • Liam- Half-orc Cleric/Ranger (follower of Sylvanus)- level 1
  • Gene- Dwarf Warrior- level 2
  • Fletch- Gnome Druid- level 1

Not Present

  • Omar- Human Paladin (follower of Sylvanus)
  • Chad- Halfling Thief- level 2
  • Nate- Human Warlock- level 1

We started with the group deciding whether to carouse or not.  Liam and Gene decided not to, but Fletch was all for it.  He ended up getting a work of art tattoo on his back.

Aside: I was super excited to have the group carouse, as it would let me get to use my new Carousing in Barrowmaze stuff!  Alas, only Fletch choose to…  Oh well- another time!

Liam got some new chainmail as his armor was destroyed last session and then the group decided to explore the Barrowmounds again.

Barrowmounds Map Online

This is a map I’m making on Hexographer.  Red icons are explored or at least ventured into.  Black are ones that have been spotted, but not traveled to.

Barrowmound 1 

barrow mound photo

Mound sealed. Group came across grave robbers (10 of them).  Gene attempted to sneak up on them, failed, and was discovered.  He smoothed things over and leave.  Met up with Fletch and Liam.  They decided to watch these grave robbers open the mound, get eaten by whatever was inside, and then attack.  Five grave robbers entered the mound and then screaming was heard, “oh god!  They are killing us!”  One human ran out of the mound and a ghoul leapt out, smashing the fool’s face into the mud and drowning them.  The five remaining grave robbers fled.  The group rolled really well and killed two ghouls before they even got to act.  Decided to go inside.  A child ghoul dropped down from the ceiling and petrified Fletch (in boar form).  Gene critically failed the attack roll and stabbed the petrified Fletch, killing him.

  • Found gold and Assassin’s Dagger- small hole in handle to load vials in so no risk of accidentally poisoning self. Liquid travels down rivets in blade and is released when a target is stabbed.

Barrowmound 2

Mound sealed. Broke through with sledgehammers, did not attract trouble.  Broke in and found a sarcophagus.  Opened it and was attacked by a zombie.  Gene decapitated the fool and then they stole the ring on its finger and some pouches of gold.  Fletch’s new character (a survivor of the grave robbers killed in Mound 1) set the corpse and sarcophagus on fire.

Barrowmound 4

Mound sealed. Broke through with sledgehammers.  They did attract trouble (five corpses of the grave robbers from Mound 1).  Inside was a large sealed stone sarcophagus.  Group went to work busting it up with sledgehammers.  Set upon by 5 zombies.  Fletch and Gene got chomped on a few times before killing everything.  Found a wooden sarcophagus inside the stone one.  Picture of beautiful woman on the wood.   Burned everything.

  • Treasure found- four expensive bottles of perfume.

Barrowmound 7

Mound sealed by beautiful brass doors covered in filigree pattern. Liam and John noticed that a skull symbol (they recognized it as the symbol of Negral, God of Death) manifested itself in the center of the doors (no one else could see them).  Liam convinced Gene to touch what he couldn’t see (sounds like a bad sex joke).  Gene touched it and the skull became visible to all.  The filigree pattern wilted away to reveal small pentagrams.

Aside: At this point Gene and Fletch had to leave.  John, Liam, and I decided to play a little more.

Barrowmound 15

Mound sealed. Broke through with sledgehammers, did not attract trouble.  Large open barrow.  Doors to west and east are contained by rusty portcullises.  Found a secret door to the north.  Found a valuable urn (poisoned trapped- John succeeded save and didn’t die) and a locked chest with treasure!  Looked at two passageways and saw they were half or fully submerged with water.  Liam said, “I have a problem with water and bloated bodies.  Let’s leave.

  • Treasure found- Gauntlets of Dexterity (Liam took).

Barrowmound 14

Ebony wood double doors with intricately carved door handles resembling writhing worms. Group didn’t like this.  Ventured inside.  Found two pools of brackish water.  Discovered fading and damaged frescos on the walls of people bathing in two pools.  John said, “fuck that!”.  Went to doors at north, west, and east.  All locked.  Marked it as a place of interest to return.

This was a good stopping point.  The group went back to town.  They got experience and healed up.  John gained level 3.

The Graveyard

Graveyard

Liam- Elf Wizard (1st level)

Stan Human Torch Boy (Hireling)

Jamie- Halfling Paladin (1st level)

Nate- Human Warlock (1st level)

Chad- Halfling Thief (2nd level)

Samuel DaMule, Torch Boy (Hireling)

Kevin- Human Thief (2nd level)

Fletch- Gnome Druid (1st level)