Good day peeps! Hope everyone is doing well and kicking ass!
First I have two new tasty Barbarians of the Ruined Art pieces for your viewing pleasure. These two pieces are by James Hanson!
HD 2; RP 1; Dagger (2d4) or Mace (2d4) or Bow (2d4)
Description: Cultists are deranged individuals who worship and follow the creed of some sinister being. They care not for the people they harm or lives they take in the service of their dark master. Blessed Cultists have been impregnated with an alien creature; when they die, their heads explode and a barbed spinal cord holds up a blue, pulsating brain and soggy, red eyes. The creature is restored to full health to fight on.
Special: Blessed Cultists are immune to mind-altering effects.
Hideous: When the creature inside a Blessed Cultist is exposed, its visage is so horrible that attackers must succeed a WIS test to resist running away in fear. Even those that are successful suffer Disadvantage on attack rolls against the creature.
HD 2; RP 0; Claws (2d4) or Spiked Tail (2d4)
Description: This giant lizard can be found nearly anywhere on the Ruined Earth. It is a keen hunter that is highly patient and will even wait hours before striking.
Special: Can climb almost sheer surfaces. Targets attempting to spot a Giant Lizard that is lying in wait suffer Disadvantage to their roll.
The book is looking FANTASTIC! I’m really thrilled with how each artist is adding their voice to the looks and actions of the three heroes! Matt Hildebrand’s layout (and art) is killer and I couldn’t be happier (or more excited) for this fucking book to release.
Quick Summary First
It’s been awhile since I’ve done a session recap! I’ve been focusing on working on my upcoming rules (more on this in a deluge of blog posts, first one will be on Monday) and doing proofs/tweaks to the Slave Mines of Vindicus the Terrible (a level zero adventure for Barbarians of the Ruined Earth), but I figured it was a good time to do one.
The group was wandering the Western Sands and came across a female Strange One who was badly injured. Before she died she said a different tribe of Strange Ones kidnapped her baby to use in a ritual to summon their god.
The group left the body to the desert and went looking for the ritual. After they stumbled across it, they fought valiantly, but were unable to stop the completion. The baby was murdered and the dark god rose from the earth, a 20ft tall Bob’s Big Boy!
My group looked at me like I was crazy when I described what was going on and then showed them this picture… It’s like they don’t know me at all.
The group went to the Strange One’s hidden village in an Ruined Earth Subway station and found out about the war going on between the two tribes. They agreed to help, so the Matriarch snorted some hallucinogens and had a vision of a similar being that could help destroy the Bob’s Big Boy! The heart of the creature was in a strange temple located in the very tunnels they were in. The body was cast aside in a place filled with the refuse and rubbish of the Ruined Earth (a junk yard).
The group spent the next three sessions in a crystalline dungeon fighting their way through shit to get to the heart.
After passing all the trials the group met the Cosmic Being, The Luminescent Mother. She was interested in them, gave them each a power, either from light or dark as she is both, everything and nothing, life and death. She then presented them with the heart! A souped-up motor engine!
Last Night’s Session
Angie- Isosceles the Sorcerer
Emma- Robbie the Robot
Nate- Pongo the Armadite
Sami- Zoom the Death Priest
Kevin- Short Round the Urban Urchin
Jamie- Kermie the Toad Beastman
Katie- Xena the Barbarian
We only get to play once a month and there have been more than a few times that we’ve had to cancel, so it’s be a VERY long build to this point. I’m very happy that last night’s session went so well!
In true Saturday Morning Cartoon (and Thundarr) fashion, I nixed the “traveling” portion of the session and the group found themselves standing at the entrance of the Los Angeles Junk Yard. Instead of scouting or investigating the group walked right in and were immediately attacked by a group of gross living booger people (roughly 3 1/2″ tall).
These creatures surrendered quickly after Isosceles the Sorcerer stunned two of them. After a quick conversation the group realized these creatures, who introduced themselves as Gooblins, were just trying to protect their home.
The group was taken to Gooblinville and introduced to the chieftain, The Big Booger. The heroes were told that fearsome beasts barred the way from that which they seek. The Big Booger offered the group room and board and they would talk more about the dangers in the morning.
Aside: The group had a blast in Gooblinville. I treated the beings like Smurfs. There was Warrior Gooblin, Angry Gooblin, Sleepy Goolin, Diarrhea Gooblin, you know the normal tropes. The only one that was different was the general store, who I portrayed as Vince Clortho from Ghostbusters- this about broke my players and I had to do the impression several times through the night.
Angie- Isosceles the Sorcerer, Zoom the Death Priest, and Short Round the Urban Urchin decided to go to the tavern, The Spitoon, and drink some Gooblin brew, which ended up being post-apocalyptic Nyquil. Before drinking their brews, Zoom and Short Round snorted some booger crystles they had found in a previous session (the group dubbed these as Sugar Boogers) and gained the ability to permanently speak Gooblin (which is a complicated series of snorts, throat clears, and sniffs). The two also gained the ability to see in the dark for five days and were covered in large painful pustules for the same amount of time.
After snorting the Sugar Boogers, the group drank their Nyquil; Isoceles and Zoom got drowsy, but stayed conscious (and gained 6 temporary hit points), but were very drowsy. Short Round passed out on the bar (and gained 4 temporary hit points). They were all in a stupor, but dammit they could breathe again!
The next morning the group set out to fight some evil, save Gooblinville, and get the body of the godling they needed!
Isosceles the Sorcerer used her magic to transform into a mist and scout ahead. She discovered two hideous creatures in a clearing, the earth charred around them.
She thought, “Demon Dogs!”
Isosceles the Sorcerer returned and explained the peril the group was in. Short Round the Urban Urchin fished through his pack and found his Immun-o-Flame Ointment and smeared it all over his body, pulled out his motorized chainsaw bat, “Let’s rock.”
The group then, forming no plan what-so-ever walked into the clearing to do battle. Initiative was rolled and, appropriately, Short Round went first.
Short Round: I hit the Demon Dog with my chainsaw bat.
Me: Roll for damage.
Short Round: I deal 6 damage.
Me: Ok! You bring your chainsaw bat down on the Demon Dog, there’s a small flash and now there two dogs instead of one.
Short Round: I– wait, what?
This fight was beautiful. The group were pouring over their character sheets, Angie and Sami were frantically reading their spells and miracles, they were asking questions, they were engaged, and more importantly… they were afraid. Exactly what I wanted with the Demon Dog.
HD 3; RP 1; Bite (1d10)
Description: Demon Dogs are vicious creatures with ragged fur, bulging red eyes, and long yellowed fangs. These creatures are said to be spawned from the depths of Hell and wander the Ruined Earth looking for hapless prey. A keen adventurer can always tell when they are close to the den of a Demon Dog, for the smell of sulfur is thick upon the air.
Special: Flame Breath: Once per day a Demon Dog can spew a ball of flame at a target, dealing 1d8 damage. There is a 1-in-6 chance the target catches fire, taking 1d6 fire damage per round until extinguished.
Water Sensitivity: Demon Dogs take an additional 1d6 damage from water/cold magic. Dousing a Demon Dog in a large amount of water also deals 1d6 damage and stuns the creature for 1 round. Submerging a Demon Dog in a river, lake, etc. instantly kills the creature.
Split: One reason the Demon Dog is such a terrifying adversary is that any
physical damage to the creature causes it to split into two. Both copies have the same HP, which is equal to the remaining HP of the attacked Demon Dog. Magical damage does not cause a Demon Dog to split.
And Then The Fight Got… Gross
So you know you’re doomed when you start the session off with booger people and it’s only a matter of time before that manifests again.
The group tried various attacks from weapons, spells, etc. and were up to six Demon Dogs, finally realizing that water and magic were the only things that harmed the beasts… They were down to two Demon Dogs and ran out of water, so they did what any logical party would do, they began popping the Zoom’s and Short Round’s giant pustules on the Demon Dogs. Finally Angie said Isosceles grew nauseous from this shit going on and threw up on the head of the last Demon Dog. She hit and killed it… Yup, death from vomit on the head. A very epic end to an epic fight!
The group made their way through the rubbish piles and found their prize. Lying in a rubbish head, with molted, matted grey faux-fur, lay the goddling, a 20ft tall animatronic Chuck E Cheese!
Then the ground started rumbling and bags of garbage, junks of cars, and several old washer/dryers coalesced into a 15′ tall Animated Trash Man! The monster let out a roar and the group of heroes drew their weapons.
And that’s where we ended for the night!
We probably have one more session remaining before this arc concludes and we retire from playing Barbarians for awhile. We’ve been playing for over a year now and it’s been a blast, but I need to start playtesting my new rules to see if they work and/or are fun!