Death is the New Pink: Going Medieval On Yo’ Ass Session Four- Curing the Infection of Mi Mi Mi Moo Moo Moo’s Left Udder

A new group of Medieval Meat Bags took a dive into the Forever Dungeon as we continue our playtesting it and the rules for Death is the New Pink: Going Medieval on Yo’ Ass.


All my Forever Dungeon stuff is in a handy dandy box.  I decided to put the cover for GMoYA on it and tape the title on- Punk Rock-style.


Katie– Human- Uses a morning star and a shield.  Born to fight.

Jamie– Human– Not a bad scrapper.  Has a Doodad (The Foil Hat), and likes stabbin’ things.  Has an attack dog named Spikums.

Nate– Human- More of a lover than a fighter.  Has the ability to cast four Mystic spells.  Has tapeworm symbiotes in system that heals damage.

Into the Dungeon

As this group of players had never played DitNP or the Forever Dungeon, I decided to just start them right at the door and diving right in.  Jamie’s attack dog, Spikums, sniffed at the door, but didn’t seem to smell anything suspicious… so Jamie kicked it open aaaannnnnddd….

The Room With Rodents of Unusual Size


Immediately had a Rodent of Unusual Size jump in his face and take a bite.  “Spikums, you’re useless!” Jamie cried as he was reduced to zero HP, but did not fall unconscious.  The group made quick work of the one rat.  Nate attempted to cast Poison Heart on the freshly removed heart of the rodent, but failed…  pouting, he fed the heart to Spikums.

HOW: Poison Heart (Mystic Spell): You remove the heart from a dead body and work necrotic magics into it.  The heart becomes rotten, vile, and really ichy!  You can throw this nasty piece of corpse meat at another target, who must succeed a BAD save or suffer 1d20 Bad damage.  The heart explodes upon impact and releases poison cloud in 10’ radius for 2d6 damage to all (no save).

The group headed east.

The Home of Mi Mi Mi Moo Moo Moo

The group walks in to the room and sees a cow chewing grass on a hillock.  They were immediately wary of the beast and started to approach cautiously.

Aside: Nate looked at me and laughed.  “There’s a cow…. a cow in the dungeon.  eating grass…?  Where’d the hillock even come from?”

“Oh… Hello.” said the cow.

“uuuuuummmmm…. the cow is talking.” Said Katie.

Aside: Nate said, “And the cow talks…?!”

Nate saw the bovine’s udders and went to get some milk.  The cow moved his udder out of the way, “excuse me!  These are mine, thank you very much.  You could AT LEAST introduce yourself before you start attempting to touch me.”

The group introduced themselves and the cow replied, “Hello.  I am Mi Mi Mi Moo Moo Moo- a magical cow.  I am in need of your services!  I have a terrible infection in my left udder and I need help finding a rare plant that grows within the dungeon called Allofus Gropus.  It will heal my infection!  If you agree to find some, I’ll give you some magical milk.

Kate and Jamie agreed to the quest and each got a pint of magical milk (heals 1d12 HP and 1d6 BAD).  Nate did not want to be bound to help the bovine, so he passed.

After resting for a few minutes the group continued to head east.

How: Last session I had fun introducing Mi Mi Mi Moo Moo Moo that I decided to introduce him to my Rochester group.  I also wanted him to have a quest/plot hook to dish out and rolled “Rare plant Allofus Gropus.”  Last session I had mentioned that the cow had an infection in his left udder and thought this would tie in rather nicely.

The Treasure Room

The group came across a beautiful looking treasure chest.  Nate moved closer to examine it and saw that a black ichor was seeping up from inside down onto the latch and lock.  He could also hear a scratching noise coming from within.

As he was paying attention to this a small otter with bejeweled eyes and gems along its spine and covered in a pink acidic goo emerged from underneath the treasure chest.  Nate attempted to cast Watch It Die, but failed.  Katie ran up and attempted to calm the creature and rolled a critical success on her MOXY save, instantly taming the creature and gaining a small pet.  She named the otter Cuddles.

The group decided to ignore the treasure chest and move on, continuing east.

How: Watch it Die (Mystic Spell): You channel your hatred and wrath into a creature.  Creatures with 1 HD (or less) are instantly killed (no save).  Creatures with 2 HD are allowed a BAD save to avoid dying.  If the creature dies, make a Luck roll- if it favors you, the dead creature transforms into a Mashed Meat Monster and serves you until slain (can only have one Mashed Meat Monster under your control at a time.

Stats: BAD 10+1d6, DSS 2d6, MOXY 1d6, HP 2d6, Pseudopods x2 1d6, Can climb walls, DRIVEN TO BE A CREEPY, GROSS AND SLIMEY MESS.

When a Medieval Meat Bag is doing something like picking a lock, disarming a trap, ect. I do not make them make a roll if they are taking their time.  They automatically do it.  However, because they are taking their time there is a chance of a random encounter.  If the group decides to kick down a door and make a bunch of noise, then there is definitely something that is going to happen.  If they are hurriedly attempting to disarm a trap, unlock a door, etc. I make them roll the appropriate save to avoid damage, etc.

While Nate was looking at the treasure chest, I rolled a 1d6 and got a 2- meaning there as a random encounter.  I opened my book to Nefarios and rolled a 1d20 three times and got “Bejeweled, Acidic, and Otter.”  Boom.  There’s my monster.  I rolled 1d10 and got a 1, so it’s a 1 Hit Die creature.  Then I rolled a 1d8 and got a 2, so it has 10 in all of its stats.  Done.

The Baby Rattle Room

The room was dark and nothing could be heard.  Jamie lit a torch.  While Jamie and Katie were too focused on the torch to notice anything, Nate saw two creepy looking children (don’t they all look this way…?) standing at the far end of the room.

Evil Kids

Nate gasped and blinked in shock and the kids had vanished.  On a pedestal in the room was a blue baby rattle that was the size of a sledge hammer.

Nate: “I get in front of the two of them before they can go into the room and quickly close the door.”  

As Nate closes the door they all hear, “We’re gonna get you… we’re gonna get you.”

The group said fuck it and headed north.

Doodad Room

Jamie opened the door and found a large blow gun on a dais.  He quickly grabbed it and found the Doodad, The Giant Spitball Blowgun.

How: I am not making people “identify” Doodads found in the Forever Dungeon.  Especially as Doodads only have a 15% chance of being real when the Medieval Meat Bags exit.  Let them have fun with it now, that’s what I say.

Giant Spitball Blowgun: Pack a wad of chewed paper into this blowgun and puff your cheeks and blow, motherfucker!  The soggy wet spitball that shoots forth grows in size and smacks a target in their head, completely enveloping their stupid face. They are unable to see or breathe and stumble about. They must succeed a BAD save (with Disadvantage) to remove the gummy spitball from their face. The target can survive a number of rounds equal to their BAD score. After that duration they suffocate. What a sad, pathetic way to die.

The Deadite Room

The group opened the door and found the floor covered in blood, four dead bodies strewn about, and one man on his knees, his back to them, apparently weeping.  “Help me…  Please help me.”

The group stood in the doorway, “What happened in here.”

The figure said, “We found a treasure chest…  And we went to open it.”

“I KNEW that chest was bad news.” Nate said quickly.

The figure shuddered, “And they died.  They died.  They died!  THEY DIED!!”

The figure turned around revealing a horrible visage and milky white eyes

deadite ash

Nate closed the door again worked before right?!) and the Deadite slammed against the door, “We’re gonna get you!  We’re gonna get you!” it screamed.

The group decided that Jamie would stand at the other end of the room and use his new spitball blowgun on the fucker and that Nate would stand against the wall and open the door.

Nate did so, but I allowed the Deadite a Dodging Some Shit (DSS) roll with Disadvantage to see if it would catch Nate’s wrist.  It succeeded.  Nate felt the creature clasp its hand on his wrist and pull him towards the door.  The Deadite’s head poked around the door frame, “Come inside with me darling… it’s so dark in here.”

Jamie shot a massive spitball at the creature (with Disadvantage for firing into melee), but still hit the Deadite in the face.  The creature fell back into the room.

Katie rushed in and saw its back to her and seemed to be struggling with the spitball on its face.  The spitball landed on the ground with a sloppy slap (like soggy urine-soaked paper towel) and the Deadite turned to face her, “Just kidding…” it said with a smile.

The rest of the fight was quick, but several injuries occurred.  Eventually Katie dashed the Deadite’s brains out all over the wall with her morning star.

The group took a moment to bandage their injuries, drink some magic milk, and then headed west.

Jamie looted the bodies and also found another Doodad, The Blanket of Saddness

HOW: Blanket of Sadness: Cover some poor fool like they were a bird in a cage with this blanket.  They must succeed on a MOXY save or just sit on the ground and start balling like a baby.  They receive a new save every 10 minutes.  If any blood gets on the blanket, it ceases to function until thoroughly cleaned (costing roughly 50 GB).

The Grove Room

The group found themselves in a room much larger than any they had been in.  Large trees, thick vegetation, and fireflies flitted around.  Walking around the room was a gorgeous elk-like creature covered in vegetation.


They attempted to communicate with the creature, thinking it would be able to speak like Mi Mi Mi Moo Moo Moo, but it didn’t seem to want to, and got indignant at the mention of the magical cow.

The group eventually found a plant that they thought was Allofus Gropus and left back to see Mi Mi Mi Moo Moo Moo.

The Rest of the Session

The group found out that the plants were not, in fact, Allofus Gropus, but instead were Dingelberries (which does have healing properties).  The group went back to the Grove Room and found the right plant.  On the way back they heard the scritching from the treasure chest in the Treasure Room and decided to pour holy water on the ichor, which hissed, smoked, and dissolved.

Nate opened the chest and found 300 Gold Bits (yay).  However, three Necrotic Mice jumped out of the chest, one biting down on Nate’s finger.  Nate critically succeeded is BAD save and is now forever immune to the effects of Necrotic Mice.  Kate smashed one with her morning star, which burst like a gooey poptart.

The fight was quick, but not without its cost.  Katie gained a mutation (a really big nose) and Nate got the index finger of his right hand bitten off.

The group returned to Mi Mi Mi Moo Moo Moo and gave him the Allofus Gropus, which he excitedly started rubbing on his udder.

The group left the dungeon.  Sadly neither of the two Doodads that Jamie found turned out to be real (he was really sad about losing the Sad Blanket).  With that the group headed back to Nasty Mimi’s Hooch Parlor in Flotsam.


Everyone caroused, gaining some reputation, helping some people being bullied, found some items, went on a spending spree and got arrested for streaking through the streets!

The Graveyard


Dwarf With No Name (Kevin)– “Here lies the Dwarf With No Name, he done got dissolved by a puddle of goo- so pathetic, so lame.”

Tooth (Fletch)– “Not much you could say about Tooth,

Except faces he liked to smash,

And was disintegrated; gone in a poof,

Ain’t nothing left by ash.”

Scotch (Omar)– “No one seemed to care when Scotch died,

No one cared for his life.

No one cried,

Not even his wife.”

The Final Map of the Session


Author: Mike Evans

I am the dude behind DIY RPG Productions. I have a fuck all punk rock attitude, love meeting new people, doing nature shit, and gaming (tabletop and console) and having a good time. I love craft beer (maybe too much), punk, grunge, and industrial music. I write books. Good for me.

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