Yesterday I got to run my RL group (based in Rochester, NY) through my upcoming Death is the New Pink project, DitNP: Going Medieval on Yo’ Ass! and the Forever Dungeon. Last post I mentioned that I was playtesting these rules and gave some info on the Forever Dungeon and GMoYA.
Liam- Elf- Oberon- Spouts off cliche life lessons- Ye Olde Weenie (level)
Race Stuff- Elf- You are tall, standing up to 7’ high, gorgeous, haughty, and just plain smug as fuck. People get annoyed with your constant reminders of how great the Elven Kingdoms once were, your stupid Elven pride, your insanely long lifespan, and your epic snootiness. Race Stuff: You can see in low-light conditions as if it were daylight up to 60’. Arcane-Blooded: Roll for one spell from the Mystic spell list (pg XX). You can cast the spell 1d3 times per day (roll the die each morning to see how many times you can cast. This ability stacks if you take/have the Mystic Muscle Up!). Gorgeous Demeanor: You are beautiful and you know it. Once per day you can automatically succeed at a MOXY save for influencing someone. Keen Eyes: You roll with Advantage on spotting secret doors (if a roll is necessary. Otherwise automatically succeed).
Archer Muscle Up- Fire two shots at once at one target (if attack is successful, roll damage with Advantage) or attack two different targets at once (roll attack with Disadvantage) with a bow or darts.
Starting Equipment: Jar full of honey, bow, sword, and steadfast hawk (pet).
Kevin- Dwarf- Dwarf With No Name- Pierced nipples and a “Get off my lawn attitude”- Ye Olde Winnie (level)
Race Stuff- Dwarf- You’re a gruff asshole. You are stout, smell like shitty beer, and stand roughly 4 ½” tall. You live for combat, drinking, arm wrestling, and stating the obvious to people as if they are all morons.
Race Stuff: You can see in the dark up to 30’. Stout: You are immune to all poisons; Know Stone: You know stone and can tell its secrets (MOXY roll with Advantage if roll is needed in a hurry- otherwise automatically succeed); Slayer: The thrill of combat excites you. Each successful attack you make grants +1 to damage. Resets after each fight.
Starting Equipment: Morning Star, Handaxe, and Doodad (Mohawk goop).
Mohawk Goop: Sticky hair product that keeps your mohawk looking awesomely exceptional and hardcore! When applied, it will dye your mohawk the color of your choosing. You have 10 applications of this stuff!
Tyler- Human- Joey Crab- Blames others for his own mistakes- Ye Olde Weenie (level)
Muscle Up for being Human- Stabbing Things- Increase damage with melee weapons to 1d8.
Starting Muscle Up- Second Wind- Once per day you can muster your strength and instantly regain 50% of your HP while in combat.
Starting Equipment: Morning Star, Shield (absorbs two chosen attacks before breaking), and Lard Popper Jug (throw and creates a nasty slippery mess).
Sammi- Human- Sammi- Pink mohawk and punk rock sneer- Ye Olde Weenie (level)
Aside: Sammi thought I had said “Punk Rock Smear”… So for awhile there were jokes about less-than-reputable doctors performing punk rock smears in seedy back alley dens.
Muscle Up! for being Human: I Have a Friend: You’ve attracted the attention of someone. When you are drop to 5 or fewer HP, make a Luck roll. If it favors you, this friend shows up, fully loaded with a wheellock pistol, a short sword, a shield, and a kick-ass attitude, to save your sorry butt. Roll Friend’s ability scores. They start at level 2. Roll a Starter Package (pg XX). The Friend levels when player’s Meat Bag does. If your Friend dies, you attract another after one month (they start at level 2). It’s because you are THAT cool.
Starting Equipment: Spiked Chain, Spiked Leather Armor, and Doodad (Vial of Hemogoblin Blood).
Vial of Hemogoblin Blood: This blood is taken from the foul Hemogoblin. When splashed on a target they suffer 2d6 damage and succeed on a BAD save to avoid becoming intoxicated by oxygen (suffering Disadvantage to all rolls for 1d4 hours). If the target suffers critical damage from the blood, they must make a BAD save to avoid developing massive painful hives and exploding 1d4 rounds later. *If you start with this Doodad from a Starter Package, start with 2d2 of these.
Entrance– The band of Medieval Meat Bags walked through a hallway and came to a door at the opposite end. Nothing of interest encountered. Dwarf With No Name opened the door.
The Bowling Ball Room
Dwarf With No Name opened the door and saw a dead body in the middle of the floor. Peering into the room, Dwarf With No Name saw that the bodies’ head had been smashed by a pink bowling ball. Dwarf With No Name ran into the room and started tearing off the plate mail and began putting it on. Sammi and Oberon heard a giggle from the ceiling.
Upside down on the ceiling was an emaciated human-looking creature with saddle bags draped over it’s stomach. It began pulling a bowling ball out of the saddle bags and let it fall on Dwarf With No Name- who took 3 points of damage (ouch! Kevin’s character only has 4 HP).
Oberon quickly fired off an arrow and killed the creature, which fell with a clunk on the ground. Dwaft With No Name finished putting on the boss plate armor and the group took the five remaining bowling balls, and headed west.
The Tumor Thing That Cries Like a Baby Room
Joey Crab opened the door and peered inside and saw a disgusting mound of flesh sitting in the room. Tyler rolled a bowling ball at it, hit it, and it began to cry like a baby, so they shut the door hurriedly and marched east.
The Apple on a Stool Room
Sammi opened the door the to room and saw a single wooden stool in the middle of the room with a crisp-looking red apple on top. Sammi aimed a bowling ball at the apple and let go. The apple was knocked off the stool and fell to the ground, bursting into a bunch of glittering Gold Bits (34 in all). Sammi quickly gathered them up.
As Sammi gathered up the coins, the rest of the Medieval Meat Bags watched as a small rickety tree grew from the stool seat and budded. Dwarf With No Name excited picked up the stool and watched sadly as the tree withered, died, and fell off. He still took the stool.
The group headed back to the Bowling Ball Room and then headed north.
The Three Doodad Room
The band of Medieval Meat Bags discovered a raised stairway with a dais. On the dais was three items- A six pack of tall can beer, a jar of grape jelly, and a mallet.
Dwarf With No Name took the mallet, which ended up being a Box-o-Mallet (think Who Framed Roger Rabbit). Squeeze the handle and a boxing glove on a spring pops out and punches a Nefario on the face for 1d6 damage.
Oberon took the six pack of beer and discovered that it was actually Mead of Whoop Ass! Mead of Whoop Ass: YOU FEEL SUPER PUMPED AND EXTREME! LIKE THE ENTIRE WORLD IS YOUR PLAYGROUND AND YOU HAVE TO SHOUT SO YOU CAN ANNOUNCE YOU’RE AWESOMENESS AND YOU THINK EVERYONE LIKES YOU ALTHOUGH PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY JUST ANNOYED BY YOUR LOUD VOICE! Your next four attacks deal max damage if they land successfully. Suffer Disadvantage to all MOXY saves for the next hour due to the crash.
Joey Crab took the jar of Jelly and I called on him to make a successful MOXY save, which he failed and began snarfing down the jelly. I then asked for another BAD save to begin the process of the Jelly Walker (see below) consuming his innards, but the motherfucker critically succeeded.
Well… Joey Crab coughed and coughed and coughed and coughed until he felt a cracking and then coughed up a huge pile of grape jelly and one of his ribs. The puddle of jelly moved and became a blob creature with the rib acting as its shoulders, tiny gooey arms dangling from the bone.
Joey Crab then made peace with the creature, and gained a companion- THE GRAPENATOR!!!
With that the group headed west.
The Jelly Walker
BAD 10, DSS 14, MOXY 6, HP 10, AP 3
DRIVEN TO BE BURBBLE, GURGLE, OOZE, AND RUIN YOUR SAMMICH TIME!
Jelly Walkers are terrible creatures that ruin even the best PB&J! Jars of jelly that have sat on shelves for the decades (or has it been centuries?) since the world fell have grown sour and become full of hatred. When a Meat Bag opens these jars of jelly, they must succeed a MOXY save or be enticed to eat the entire thing! Each day the Meat Bag must make a BAD save or suffer 1d10 BAD damage as the Jelly Walker consumes their insides. Once a Meat Bag’s BAD reaches 0, their flesh dissolves and the Jelly Walker rises from the skeletal remains. The creature’s sticky pseudopods cause the skeleton’s hands and legs to move, like a creepy marionette. A Jelly Walker can attack with its tongue of a thousand jelly flavors (1d6 damage and the target must succeed a DSS save to avoid becoming coated in sticky jelly and stuck to the ground). A Jelly Walker will swallow stuck targets and digest them in their stomach. Jelly Walkers are capable of climbing vertical surfaces and love hiding in corners to spring attacks on fleshy, super-tasty Meat Bags!
The Make Out Room
The group opened the door and saw it was shrouded in darkness and a strange, indecent noise echoed off the walls. Sammi threw a lit torch into the room and saw two large heads on opposite walls, their tongues stretching 15′ out of their mouths, intertwined and twirling, while they moaned in pleasure. The floor was covered in a gross green goo.
Aside: I KNEW I wanted to put this in the dungeon when I came across it looking for inspirational images for a dungeon. It reeeeeeaaaaaallllly crept my group out- so yay!
Dwarf With No Name decided to enter the room. I had Kevin make a Luck roll (which he failed) to see if the room had a hazard… it did. When Dwarf With No Name stepped on the ground, the goo started raising up and eventually formed a lime-flavored Toxic Gelatin.
The fight was over before it really began. Dwarf With No Name critically failed his attack roll and instead of attacking, head butted the Toxic Gelatin, dying instantly and started dissolving. The group closed the door and headed back through the Three Doodad Room and to the east. Kevin made a new character.
Kevin- Human– Human With No Name- Smells of Cheap Wine and Cheaper Perfume- Ye Olde Winnie (level)
Muscle Ups!: Bullseye: Increase damage with ranged weapons to 1d8.
Mechanic: Really good at fixing machines and automatons.
Starting Gear: Wheellock pistol and broken wine bottle (as dagger).
The Ray Gun Room
The group entered the room and discovered a futuristic ray gun on a dais. There were two bell-looking things on opposite ends of the room, pointed at the Dais. The group began to try to fiddle with them (including hitting them with bowling balls) until Human With No Name (gotta introduce him somehow) burst into the room. Seeing allies he shouted, “GOBLINS!”
Fourteen goblins began hassling the band of Medieval Meat Bags. The group took some hard licks, but eventually killed 7 of the little fuckers, causing the remaining 7 to flee back into the dungeon (oh and Kevin nearly died… again). The group looted the goblins, each getting a crazy/random item.
With that the group headed back to Flotsam to Nasty Mimi’s Hooch Parlor to carouse and regroup.
Oberon was in an epic bar brawl gaining people’s respect, but then made a drunk idiot of himself and now people are embarrassed for him. He also won over a dog and now has two animal friends.
Sammi beat the shit out of ruffian that was hassling some piss ass NPC. She’s now got a buddy. Then she went all punk rock and graffitied a wall- cause she’s a rebel!
Joey Crabs did drugs and has a dose of Nightshade Goblin Nuggets left to smoke (gives you the use of one Mystic spell when smoked)!
Human With No Name found a rug that really tied his room together.
We then leveled everyone up to Ye Olde Lean Bacon Sammich and called it a night!
I am really happy with the DitNP: GMoYA rules and feel! It’s quick, easy, and deadly!
Below is what the dungeon looked like by the end of the session.