Monthly Archives: December 2017

Dr. Mac N’ Cheese’s Handy Dandy Hydroponics Clone-a-Nator- a Fancy Doodad Service for Death is the New Pink

Dr. Mac N’ Cheese’s Handy Dandy Hydroponics Clone-a-Nator!

Clone 1

This is for use with Death is the New Pink (but can be hacked to about anything, really).


“Now listen here my soft and squishy Meat Bag!  It’s a dangerous world out there!  Crazed raiders, inbred beasties, and other terrifying Nefarios lurk out in those wastes!  And all of them want to murder your face!  Now there is no shame in dyin’!  It happens!


However, don’t let dyin’ be the end of your life!  No siree, for those who can afford the small fee in Gold Bits (a pittance, really), you are guaranteed to be brought back to life in NEARLY the same shape and personality as you were!


Now let’s be honest, you aren’t exactly a winner right now anyways, and what’s the harm of random twitches, weird hairy moles, paranoid personality disorder, your skin turning blue, or hell even warts on your ass if it means you get a second shot at life, eh?!  Some of my best clients are on their third or fourth shot!


Now if you’re looking for a second shot at life, let Dr. Mac N’ Cheese take a look at your brain matter and get you suited up with a chip and you’ll be right as rain.  Careful, don’t sneeze now. “




The life of a Meat Bag is short and brutal, however with cloning technology a life that was reduced to a bloody smear on the ground can be revitalized!  After spending 600 x Meat Bag level in GB (i.e., cloning a Weenie Meat Bag will cost 600, while cloning a Full Pound Meat Bag would cost 3,600), the Meat Bag has a copy of its DNA put into Dr. Mac N’ Cheese’s data banks and a chip is implanted in their brain.  At the point of death all memories, experiences, etc. are uploaded and stored.


Once Dr. Mac N’ Cheese has all he needs, he goes to work of growing a new you that will wait in stasis until you die a horrible death.  Once Dr. Mac N’ Cheese has received notification of your greasy demise, he uploads your consciousness into the clone.  You emerge from the stasis pod, covered in goo and smelling strangely of cinnamon and cloves, but otherwise unharmed.


Cloning isn’t without it’s risks however.  Each time a Meat Bag clones, there is the risk of cellular degradation.  Make a Luck roll for each stat.  If it favors you, there has been no degradation for that stat.  If it doesn’t favor you, permanently reduce the stat by 1.  You also lose an additional 1 MOXY (hey, getting killed fucks a person up, ok?!).


Additionally, being cloned brings out a crazy quirk in the new body.  Roll 1d10+1d20 on the table below to discover what quirk you’ve gained.


Cloning Quirks
Roll 1d10+1d20 Result
2 Warts on your ass
3 Hear voices inside your head
4 Constantly twitchy
5 Mindlessly pet soft things
6 Body covered in disgusting hair moles
7 Teeth chatter when nervous
8 Turned on the smell and taste of smoked meat
9 Become OCD (player chooses what they are OCD about)
10 You have an imaginary friend named “Ben.”  He’s a troublemaker
11 Has to list at least three reasons why something won’t work
12 Count your pimples as you pop them
13 Sniffs loudly when irritated or disapproving
14 Body hair is baby fine and stands on end when music plays
15 Loves lizards!  Like can’t get enough of the cute little buggers!
16 Your skin turns- Roll 1d6: 1) Blue; 2) Green; 3) Yellow; 4) Orange; 5) Red; 6) Purple
17 Hums constantly when bored
18 Have an extra finger on one hand
19 Needs a security blanket
20 Start having night terrors
21 Loves birds!  Keeps one in a cage with them at all times
22 Addicted to eating honey (when you can find it)
23 Calls people by the wrong name all the time- they have to be doing it on purpose, right?!
24 Your teeth are backwards
25 Paranoid personality disorder
26 One eye is a different wacky color (player chooses)
27 Compulsive liar
28 Head hair grows like leaves and blood is muddy water (hydroponics, yo!)
29 Gain a Mutation (DitNP, pg 18)
30 Roll twice!

Death is the New Pink: Going Medieval On Yo’ Ass Session Two- Making Out in the Forever Dungeon

Yesterday I got to run my RL group (based in Rochester, NY) through my upcoming Death is the New Pink project, DitNP: Going Medieval on Yo’ Ass! and the Forever Dungeon.  Last post I mentioned that I was playtesting these rules and gave some info on the Forever Dungeon and GMoYA.


Liam- Elf- Oberon- Spouts off cliche life lessons- Ye Olde Weenie (level)

Race Stuff- Elf- You are tall, standing up to 7’ high, gorgeous, haughty, and just plain smug as fuck.  People get annoyed with your constant reminders of how great the Elven Kingdoms once were, your stupid Elven pride, your insanely long lifespan, and your epic snootiness.  Race Stuff: You can see in low-light conditions as if it were daylight up to 60’.  Arcane-Blooded: Roll for one spell from the Mystic spell list (pg XX).  You can cast the spell 1d3 times per day (roll the die each morning to see how many times you can cast.  This ability stacks if you take/have the Mystic Muscle Up!).  Gorgeous Demeanor: You are beautiful and you know it.  Once per day you can automatically succeed at a MOXY save for influencing someone.  Keen Eyes: You roll with Advantage on spotting secret doors (if a roll is necessary.  Otherwise automatically succeed).

Archer Muscle Up- Fire two shots at once at one target (if attack is successful, roll damage with Advantage) or attack two different targets at once (roll attack with Disadvantage) with a bow or darts.

Starting Equipment: Jar full of honey, bow, sword, and steadfast hawk (pet).

Kevin- Dwarf- Dwarf With No Name- Pierced nipples and a “Get off my lawn attitude”- Ye Olde Winnie (level)

Race Stuff- Dwarf- You’re a gruff asshole.  You are stout, smell like shitty beer, and stand roughly 4 ½” tall.  You live for combat, drinking, arm wrestling, and stating the obvious to people as if they are all morons.

Race Stuff: You can see in the dark up to 30’.  Stout: You are immune to all poisons; Know Stone: You know stone and can tell its secrets (MOXY roll with Advantage if roll is needed in a hurry- otherwise automatically succeed); Slayer: The thrill of combat excites you.  Each successful attack you make grants +1 to damage.  Resets after each fight.

Starting Equipment: Morning Star, Handaxe, and Doodad (Mohawk goop).

Mohawk Goop: Sticky hair product that keeps your mohawk looking awesomely exceptional and hardcore!  When applied, it will dye your mohawk the color of your choosing.  You have 10 applications of this stuff!

Tyler- Human- Joey Crab- Blames others for his own mistakes- Ye Olde Weenie (level)

Muscle Up for being Human- Stabbing Things- Increase damage with melee weapons to 1d8.

Starting Muscle Up- Second Wind- Once per day you can muster your strength and instantly regain 50% of your HP while in combat.

Starting Equipment: Morning Star, Shield (absorbs two chosen attacks before breaking), and Lard Popper Jug (throw and creates a nasty slippery mess).

Sammi- Human- Sammi- Pink mohawk and punk rock sneer- Ye Olde Weenie (level)

Aside: Sammi thought I had said “Punk Rock Smear”… So for awhile there were jokes about less-than-reputable doctors performing punk rock smears in seedy back alley dens.

Muscle Up! for being Human: I Have a Friend: You’ve attracted the attention of someone. When you are drop to 5 or fewer HP, make a Luck roll. If it favors you, this friend shows up, fully loaded with a wheellock pistol, a short sword, a shield, and a kick-ass attitude, to save your sorry butt.  Roll Friend’s ability scores.  They start at level 2.  Roll a Starter Package (pg XX).  The Friend levels when player’s Meat Bag does.  If your Friend dies, you attract another after one month (they start at level 2).  It’s because you are THAT cool.

Starting Equipment: Spiked Chain, Spiked Leather Armor, and Doodad (Vial of Hemogoblin Blood).

Vial of Hemogoblin Blood: This blood is taken from the foul Hemogoblin.  When splashed on a target they suffer 2d6 damage and succeed on a BAD save to avoid becoming intoxicated by oxygen (suffering Disadvantage to all rolls for 1d4 hours).  If the target suffers critical damage from the blood, they must make a BAD save to avoid developing massive painful hives and exploding 1d4 rounds later.  *If you start with this Doodad from a Starter Package, start with 2d2 of these.

Let’s Start…

Entrance– The band of Medieval Meat Bags walked through a hallway and came to a door at the opposite end.  Nothing of interest encountered.  Dwarf With No Name opened the door.

The Bowling Ball Room

Dwarf With No Name opened the door and saw a dead body in the middle of the floor.  Peering into the room, Dwarf With No Name saw that the bodies’ head had been smashed by a pink bowling ball.  Dwarf With No Name ran into the room and started tearing off the plate mail and began putting it on.  Sammi and Oberon heard a giggle from the ceiling.


This is a sketch piece for the Forever Dungeon- art by Kelvin Green

Upside down on the ceiling was an emaciated human-looking creature with saddle bags draped over it’s stomach.  It began pulling a bowling ball out of the saddle bags and let it fall on Dwarf With No Name- who took 3 points of damage (ouch!  Kevin’s character only has 4 HP).

Oberon quickly fired off an arrow and killed the creature, which fell with a clunk on the ground.  Dwaft With No Name finished putting on the boss plate armor and the group took the five remaining bowling balls, and headed west.

The Tumor Thing That Cries Like a Baby Room

Joey Crab opened the door and peered inside and saw a disgusting mound of flesh sitting in the room.  Tyler rolled a bowling ball at it, hit it, and it began to cry like a baby, so they shut the door hurriedly and marched east.

The Apple on a Stool Room

Sammi opened the door the to room and saw a single wooden stool in the middle of the room with a crisp-looking red apple on top.  Sammi aimed a bowling ball at the apple and let go.  The apple was knocked off the stool and fell to the ground, bursting into a bunch of glittering Gold Bits (34 in all).  Sammi quickly gathered them up.


Sketch for the Forever Dungeon- art by Kelvin Green

As Sammi gathered up the coins, the rest of the Medieval Meat Bags watched as a small rickety tree grew from the stool seat and budded.  Dwarf With No Name excited picked up the stool and watched sadly as the tree withered, died, and fell off.  He still took the stool.

The group headed back to the Bowling Ball Room and then headed north.

The Three Doodad Room

The band of Medieval Meat Bags discovered a raised stairway with a dais.  On the dais was three items- A six pack of tall can beer, a jar of grape jelly, and a mallet.


Sketch for the Forever Dungeon- art by Kelvin Green

Dwarf With No Name took the mallet, which ended up being a Box-o-Mallet (think Who Framed Roger Rabbit).  Squeeze the handle and a boxing glove on a spring pops out and punches a Nefario on the face for 1d6 damage.

Oberon took the six pack of beer and discovered that it was actually Mead of Whoop Ass!  Mead of Whoop Ass: YOU FEEL SUPER PUMPED AND EXTREME!  LIKE THE ENTIRE WORLD IS YOUR PLAYGROUND AND YOU HAVE TO SHOUT SO YOU CAN ANNOUNCE YOU’RE AWESOMENESS AND YOU THINK EVERYONE LIKES YOU ALTHOUGH PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY JUST ANNOYED BY YOUR LOUD VOICE!  Your next four attacks deal max damage if they land successfully.  Suffer Disadvantage to all MOXY saves for the next hour due to the crash.

Joey Crab took the jar of Jelly and I called on him to make a successful MOXY save, which he failed and began snarfing down the jelly.  I then asked for another BAD save to begin the process of the Jelly Walker (see below) consuming his innards, but the motherfucker critically succeeded.

Well… Joey Crab coughed and coughed and coughed and coughed until he felt a cracking and then coughed up a huge pile of grape jelly and one of his ribs.  The puddle of jelly moved and became a blob creature with the rib acting as its shoulders, tiny gooey arms dangling from the bone.

Joey Crab then made peace with the creature, and gained a companion- THE GRAPENATOR!!!

With that the group headed west.



The Jelly Walker

Jelly Monster

Jelly Walker piece by Evlyn for DitNP

BAD 10, DSS 14, MOXY 6, HP 10, AP 3
Jelly Walkers are terrible creatures that ruin even the best PB&J!  Jars of jelly that have sat on shelves for the decades (or has it been centuries?) since the world fell have grown sour and become full of hatred.  When a Meat Bag opens these jars of jelly, they must succeed a MOXY save or be enticed to eat the entire thing!  Each day the Meat Bag must make a BAD save or suffer 1d10 BAD damage as the Jelly Walker consumes their insides.  Once a Meat Bag’s BAD reaches 0, their flesh dissolves and the Jelly Walker rises from the skeletal remains.  The creature’s sticky pseudopods cause the skeleton’s hands and legs to move, like a creepy marionette.  A Jelly Walker can attack with its tongue of a thousand jelly flavors (1d6 damage and the target must succeed a DSS save to avoid becoming coated in sticky jelly and stuck to the ground).  A Jelly Walker will swallow stuck targets and digest them in their stomach.  Jelly Walkers are capable of climbing vertical surfaces and love hiding in corners to spring attacks on fleshy, super-tasty Meat Bags!

The Make Out Room 

The group opened the door and saw it was shrouded in darkness and a strange, indecent noise echoed off the walls.  Sammi threw a lit torch into the room and saw two large heads on opposite walls, their tongues stretching 15′ out of their mouths, intertwined and twirling, while they moaned in pleasure.  The floor was covered in a gross green goo.

Forever Dungeon 1


Aside: I KNEW I wanted to put this in the dungeon when I came across it looking for inspirational  images for a dungeon.  It reeeeeeaaaaaallllly crept my group out- so yay!

Dwarf With No Name decided to enter the room.  I had Kevin make a Luck roll (which he failed) to see if the room had a hazard…  it did.  When Dwarf With No Name stepped on the ground, the goo started raising up and eventually formed a lime-flavored Toxic Gelatin.


Forever Dungeon 2

The fight was over before it really began.  Dwarf With No Name critically failed his attack roll and instead of attacking, head butted the Toxic Gelatin, dying instantly and started dissolving.  The group closed the door and headed back through the Three Doodad Room and to the east.  Kevin made a new character.

Kevin- Human– Human With No Name- Smells of Cheap Wine and Cheaper Perfume- Ye Olde Winnie (level)

Muscle Ups!:  Bullseye: Increase damage with ranged weapons to 1d8.

Mechanic: Really good at fixing machines and automatons.

Starting Gear: Wheellock pistol and broken wine bottle (as dagger).

The Ray Gun Room

The group entered the room and discovered a futuristic ray gun on a dais.  There were two bell-looking things on opposite ends of the room, pointed at the Dais.  The group began to try to fiddle with them (including hitting them with bowling balls) until Human With No Name (gotta introduce him somehow) burst into the room.  Seeing allies he shouted, “GOBLINS!”

Fourteen goblins began hassling the band of Medieval Meat Bags.  The group took some hard licks, but eventually killed 7 of the little fuckers, causing the remaining 7 to flee back into the dungeon (oh and Kevin nearly died… again).  The group looted the goblins, each getting a crazy/random item.

With that the group headed back to Flotsam to Nasty Mimi’s Hooch Parlor to carouse and regroup.

Oberon was in an epic bar brawl gaining people’s respect, but then made a drunk idiot of himself and now people are embarrassed for him.   He also won over a dog and now has two animal friends.

Sammi beat the shit out of ruffian that was hassling some piss ass NPC.  She’s now got a buddy.  Then she went all punk rock and graffitied a wall- cause she’s a rebel!

Joey Crabs did drugs and has a dose of Nightshade Goblin Nuggets left to smoke (gives you the use of one Mystic spell when smoked)!

Human With No Name found a rug that really tied his room together.

We then leveled everyone up to Ye Olde Lean Bacon Sammich and called it a night!

I am really happy with the DitNP: GMoYA rules and feel!  It’s quick, easy, and deadly!

Below is what the dungeon looked like by the end of the session.



The Deity Generator- A Death is the New Pink: Going Medieval on Yo Ass Table


Deity Art 1

Note: For the original Death is the New Pink, click here.

Religion still exists in the Yet-to-be-Wasted World, but many Medieval Meat Bags are bitter and wary of deities, as none manifested to stop the Calamity.

Instead of a list of deities, what they oversee, and their followers this is a table to generate the deity’s form, special feature, sex, and size of religion.  Once these have been figured out by rolling on the table, the player decides the name of the deity and what the deity oversees/is responsible for.

Deity Art 2

Deity Generator
Roll 1d20 Head Torso Arms Legs Special Form
1 Cow Skull Mass of Tentacles Constantly Dripping, Churning Mud Gorilla Wreathed in Fire
2 Ball of Light Exposed Ribcage Humanoid Tentacles Nothing
3 Giant Eye Human Body Wolf Elephant Halo Around Head
4 Gorgeous Human Wolf No Arms Gorilla Body Covered in Blinking Eyes
5 Exquisitely Sculpted Rock Exposed Muscle Lion Humanoid Burning Heart Floats Around Head
6 Battered Porcelain Doll Elephant Snakes Wolf Spikes Bursting From Flesh
7 Elk Gorilla Tentacles No Legs Massive Two-handed Weapon
8 Moose Skull Shapeless Blob Humanoid, Powerful and Muscular Skeletal Burning Eyes
9 Wolf Mass of Writhing Worms Elephant Constantly Dripping, Churning Mud Batwings
10 Three Human Heads Constantly Dripping, Churning Mud Smoke Exposed Muscle Four Arms
11 Elephant Diminutive Body Humanoid, Thin and Stunted Goat Expensive Jewelry
12 Mass of Writhing Worms Body of Veins Crab Claws Lion Eagle Wings
13 No head Body of Living Bees Skeletal Chicken Four Legs
14 Angry Human Body of Smoke Long Bumpy Tongues Humanoid, Slimy.  Runs Like Molasses Suspended From Hooks and Chains
15 Gorilla Lion Two Human Heads for Hands Humanoid, Powerful and Muscular On a Throne Carried on the Backs of Halflings
16 Squid Three Human Bodies Merged Together Humanoid, Covered in Feathers Humanoid, Thin and Stunted Impressive Crown
17 Humanoid Head, Empty Chasm for Face Humanoid, Rotund Belly Constructed of Weapons Smoke Nothing
18 Mass of Wiggling Fingers Humanoid, Covered in Feathers Oozing Slime Spider Legs Scorpion Tail
19 Bleeding Heart on Neck Serpentine Exposed Muscle Constructed of Weapons Gargantuan in Size
20 Goat Mass of Wiggling Fingers Elongated Snail Eye Stalks Rests in Meditative Position
Deity Gender: Roll 2d3- 2) Female; 3) Male; 4) Both; 5) Neither; 6) Everything
Size of Religion: Roll 1d20- 1-4) Just you; 5-10) Small group of believers; 11-14) Devoted cult; 15-17) Good sized following; 18-19) Large following; 20) A predominant religion

Deity Art 3


Example Deity 1

Name: Veper

Deity of: God of battle and carnage

Head: Mass of Writhing Worms

Torso: Human Body

Arms: Skeletal

Legs: Constructed of Weapons

Special: Massive Two-handed Weapon

Gender: Male

Size of Religion: Small group of believers


Example Deity 2

Name: Ghastpra

Deity of: Disease, longing, and patience

Head: Humanoid Head, Empty Chasm for Face

Torso: Three Human Bodies Merged Together

Arms: Long Bumpy Tongues

Legs: Humanoid, Slimy.  Runs Like Molasses

Special: Rests in Meditative Position

Gender: Both

Size of Religion: Devoted cult

Deity Art 4