Death is the New Pink: Going Medieval On Yo’ Ass Session One- Into the Forever Dungeon

Yesterday we kicked off playtesting two new Death is the New Pink projects I’m working on.  The first is Death is the New Pink: Going Medieval on Yo’ Ass and the second is The Forever Dungeon.  I did a post the other day with a little info on DitNP: GMoYA and The Forever Dungeon.


Liam– Human- Mort (Morty for short)- Level Ye Olde Weenie

Muscle Up! for being human- I am the Bringer of Death– When you kill a target you are able to make another attack (this can go on and on if you keep killing the target).

Starting Equipment– Scythe, Vial of Poison, Flashbang Powder Pouch, Human, Believes Sculpting Their Mashed Potatoes Means Something, Doodad (Frozen Tears of the Spoiled Princess)

Frozen Tears of the Spoiled Prince(ss): There once was a spoiled prince(ss) (or maybe he/she was just really sad) and he/she cried and cried and blah blah blah.  Anyways, these tears are magically frozen and when one is thrown at a target they must succeed a BAD save or become frozen for 2d6 rounds.  If the target is at 0 HP and fails their save, they are permanently frozen.  *If you start with this Doodad from a Starter Package, start with 2d2 of these.

John– Human- Cheshire- Level Ye Olde Weenie

Muscle Up! for being human- Ninja– You can hide in shadows that normal people could not.  Also when you make a successful Back Attack (pg XX) you add your level as bonus damage.

Starting Equipment- Short Spear, Sling, Epic-Looking Helmet Made of Antlers, Necklace of Monster Teeth, Human, Fierce and Wild-looking, Killer (Muscle Up!)


Chad– Half-orc- BJ Orc (friends call him Bjorc)- Level Ye Olde Weenie

Race Stuff: Increase your BAD to 13 if less was rolled.  Fearless: You ain’t afraid of shit. You are immune to fear effects.  Two-handed Fighter: You grew up knowing how to handle large weapons.  When using two-handed melee weapons you gain +2 to damage, but doesn’t suffer +2 to attack (pg XX); Orkish-Resistance: Once per day you can become enraged, gaining Resistance (pg XX) to all physical damage for a number of rounds equal to half your BAD score (round down).  This is a free action on their turn.

Starting Equipment- Maul, Spiked Braces That Look Fucking Metal, Half-orc, Pouch Filled With Small Ceramic Animals, Doodad (Decoy Mixing Powder)

Decoy Mixing Powder: Add hot water and stir for two rounds- creates a squishy version of you that enemies will attack (and eat) unless they succeed on a MOXY save.  What flavor are you, roll 1d6: 1) strawberry; 2) lime; 3) orange; 4) raspberry; 5) blueberry; 6) pineapple mango banana (yummy).  *If you start with this Doodad from a Starter Package, start with 2d2 of these.

Quick Start

Nasty Mimi

We made characters and then started with a summary of the group getting a drink at Nasty Mimi’s Hooch Parlor and figuring out how to make some quick gold bits.


The group of green behind the ears Medieval Meat Bags decided it would be best to Forever Dungeon for their first official run and get some Doodads, booze, and Gold Bits.


What is The Forever Dungeon

No one knows who built the Forever Dungeon, and let’s face it- no Medieval Meat Bag worth their weight in smoked sausage gives a shit.  It’s a twisting labyrinth of rooms; some constructed of drab grey stone, others of smooth obsidian, others made of large vibrantly green jade bricks, and others of cool metal with alien technology infused throughout- so on and so forth.

Riddles and puzzles, traps, Nefarios, Gold Bits, and most importantly, Doodads, can be found throughout the rooms of the Forever Dungeon.  Medieval Meat Bag after Medieval Meat Bag runs into this dangerous dungeon in the hopes of striking it rich or nabbing a powerful Doodad!  Many don’t make it out, instead ending up a bloody smear on the ground.

However, there’s a couple catches (isn’t there always?): First- almost every time the Forever Dungeon is vacated of Medieval Meat Bags, it seems to rearrange itself (that’s just mean, right?!), so it makes mapping the damned thing impossible!  Second- you may think you made it big with a bunch of powerful Doodads, but there is a pretty good chance they are illusions that only function when you’re in the Forever Dungeon.  The moment you walk out the door: poof, they’re gone!  Not all Doodads are illusions though, and that’s what keeps Medieval Meat Bags going back, time and time again- like rats in a maze hitting a button for a fucking food pellet!

Into the Dungeon

Entrance– The band of Medieval Meat Bags walked through a hallway and came to a door at the opposite end.  Nothing of interest encountered.  Bjorc opened the door.

Dead Elf Room- The door opened and the group saw the dead body of an elf; his chest crushed with a large object.  Morty looted the body and found a collection of colorful rocks.  He sighed and gave Cheshire, who had a sling.

The group headed east.

Aside: I used my Loot Die Drop Table to generate any objects found on the body and it worked really well.  By telling the players that they could choose how long they search the body, which allows them to possibly find more goodies, but comes with increasing risk worked! 

The Creepy Jack in the Box Room- As Bjorc entered the room a lazy, creepy version of Maple Leaf Rag echos through the chamber.

A large box is in the room and the handle is turning slowly.  The music ends and a giant Jack pops out of the box.  Bjorc goes to investigate and the Jack attacks, smacking the shit out of him.  Morty is caught off guard and is unable to act this round.  The fight took Bjorc out of commission (although he didn’t die) and they were able to finish off the Jack (sounds dirty) after a few rounds.  It was a good first combat and a refresher on DitNP combat.

The group searched the room and decided to head north.

The Mirror Room- In this room was a dusty mirror with a pink frame.  The group tried to avoid the room.  Morty looked in the mirror and saw himself even more awesome than he already is, gaining +1 to MOXY for the session.  Cheshire avoided the thing altogether and Bjorc looked in it and saw himself as a haggard son of a bitch, but suffered nothing else.

The group headed east.

The Room of the Three Doodads- The group walked into this room and saw doors leading west and north and along the southern wall, three dais, upon each rested a Doodad.  One held a maul with a pink handle and skulls with spikes coming out of the eye sockets on the flat parts of the hammer.   Another held a viking helmet with horns.  The horns didn’t end in tips however, but were flat and had circular openings.  The final one housed a laser gun.  The group talked among themselves and decided who would get what.

Morty went after the helmet and picked it up with no problem and got: Dwarven Horned Party Helmet: The greatest and heartiest of warriors don this helmet.  The copper metal dome protects the noggin, while the elongated bull horns give it a fierce appearance. The horns are magically enchanted to always be full of tasty Dwarven Brew. The horns can be turned upside down so the tips are pointed towards the wearer’s mouth, allowing easy hands-free consumption of the brew.

Chesire went after the maul and nabbed it and got: The Mangler: This maul’s (pg XX) attacks always land in the targets genitals. The target must succeed a BAD save or be stunned for 1 round. If the target takes critical damage, it’s bad. Really bad.

Bjorc went to the ray gun and went to grab it, but his hand passed through it.  A hologram!  He was able to jump back just in time to avoid the lightning bolts that would have fried his ass to crispy chicken level.

The group headed west.

The Fish Hook Room- The group entered the room and saw a human-sized fishhook.  On the end was a parcel.  Bjorc couldn’t contain himself and jumped on the hook and attempted to wrestle the package free.  He felt the hook jerk and was able to let go just in time as it disappeared through the ceiling of the dungeon, which rippled like a stone hitting the water, and then went still again.


The group moved to the north door and Bjorc, in a fit of pouting rage after losing the package, kicked it open.  The loud noise attracted the attention of a Nefario in the south room.

The southern door crashed opened and a massive orc lumbered into the room, carrying a shield, a two-handed maul in one hand, and came to fuck shit up.



BAD 16, DSS 10, MOXY 8, HP 16, AP 2


Orcs are massive creatures with green skin, beady red eyes, giant tusks, ham-sized fists that they use to punch the shit out of soft weak Medieval Meat Bags (1d8 damage), intimidating spikey armor, shields (pg XX), and over-sized weapons (almost as if they are overcompensating for something, right?!  Weapons deal 1d10 damage).  Orcs smell like garbage and death and take pride in that.  Orcas are immune to fear effects and once per combat an orc gains resistance to all physical damage for 1 turn.

Aside: One thing that has always bothered me about orcs in D&D is they are portrayed as huge vicious fighters- and they are- for the first level (maybe two levels), but then after that- they are kinda meh cannon fodder.  I want orcs to be a scourge and something that’s terrifying for a Medieval Meat Bag at Ye Olde Weenie Level or even up to Grand Poobah Meat Bag Level.  Based on the fight last night- I think I achieved this.

The group set to wailing away on the orc.  This fight was fucking hard as hell.  Cheshire got off a hit in the opening round with the Mangler, busting the orc right in the balls, stunning him.  This let the group get some attacks in with Advantage.  Eventually the orc started swinging and Cheshire went down (but didn’t die), and Bjorc was nearly killed.  Morty blinded the orc and snuck up on him and got a back attack and critically succeeded, killing him.

The group looted the body, took the shield (shields absorb the damage of two attacks before being made useless) and went north.

The Room of the “Know Know Bird”

In this room was a large flamingo in a wooden cage.  It talked.  The group approached it carefully.  It asked to be let out.  The group asked why they should do that.

“Ah come on guys.  You lemme out- you get something in return.  I’m good for it.  You lemme out and I’ll answer one question each about the dungeon.  My name is the Know Know Bird.  I know shit, know what I’m sayin’.”

Aside: I did a voice and motivations very similar to a character in Hawaii 5.0 for some reason.  Scumbag guy with a mullet.  I said the flamingo had a pink mullet…  Why not, right?

After the group let the Know Know Bird out, they asked their questions for information, and moved on.

The group went west.

Crazy Helga’s Den

Bjorc asked where he could get some supplies.  The Know Know Bird had pointed them to the western door, to Crazy Helga.

Crazy Helga

Crazy Helga collects stuff.  She wanders The Forever Dungeon and picks up stuff from the dead bodies.  She sells stuff too… for a decent price or a future favor.

Bjorc bought some Healing Vapor Rubs, Morty bought a book called, “Dum Dum’s Guide on How to Pick up Chicks” and Cheshire bought some drugs: Nightshade Goblin Nuggets (150 GB, drug): Smoked, allows you to use one Mystic power once (roll randomly for power) and gives you Advantage on saves against Mystic abilities for 1d4 hours.  Once drug has worn off make a MOXY roll.  If save fails, permanently reduce MOXY by 1.

The group headed back through the Know Know Birds room to the east to find the wizard that held an invisibility cloak.

Snail Boy Room

In this room the group fought an anthropomorphic snail creature that had the legs of a child and the upper body and shell of a snail with hands with long claws.  The group was getting their butt kicked by the creature, but eventually hit it (it only had 1 HP and a 9 BAD score).  They killed it.

Snail Man

During the fight Cheshire had smoked his drugs and could cast the spell Poison Heart

Poison Heart: You remove the heart from a dead body and work necrotic magics into it.  The heart becomes rotten, vile, and really ichy!  You can throw this nasty piece of corpse meat at another target, who must succeed a BAD save or suffer 1d20 Bad damage.  The heart explodes upon impact and releases poison cloud in 10’ radius for 2d6 damage to all (no save).

Cheshire then cast the spell on the heart from the Snail Boy and Bjorc cut off the creature’s shell.

The group headed east.

Dead Head Room- The group came across three severed heads and another body nailed to the wall in this room.  Bjorc stuffed the three heads into the snail shell and they moved on east to the next room.

The Room of the Heavy Metal Wizard- Sitting on a metal throne was a wizard with a stupid pointy hat covered in stars and moons, petting an imp.  In his other hand was an epic guitar.

“Who dares enter the throne room of the Heavy Metal Wizard?!” The wizard held up the guitar and sparks shot from the neck!

Heavy Metal Wizard
I love this picture.  Found it here

The group talked with the wizard for a few minutes.  Bjorc offered the severed heads to the wizard.

“Those were my previous band mates!  They were fucking lame!  However… I do miss them.”  The wizard took the heads and put them on the throne, “you’re home now guys.”

Morty then offered a book on how to pick up chicks in exchange for his invisibility cloak.  The Heavy Metal Wizard asked to look through the book and then, if it held the promises Morty was making, he would offer up the cloak.  Morty agreed and handed the book over.

The Heavy Metal Wizard started thumbing through, “Oh… I see!  Yes.  It’s so simple!  You just have to pretend to give a shit about what they’re saying!  I get it now!  Oh yes!  Here- take the cloak!”

With the cloak in hand, the Heavy Metal Wizard created a portal for the group to head back to Flotsam.

The group caroused (that’s how you get back lost ability score points).

Bjork burnt down a shack (Cheshire saw him do it) and got a magical tattoo.

Cheshire joined a medieval bowling league and went on a drunken shopping spree, going in debt and buying a bunch of shit he didn’t need.

Morty got drunk and fell down a well for a few hours and found a hidden stash of Gold Bits and a few items in the process.

And that’s where we wrapped up the session for the night.

As I was doing with my Barrowmaze campaign, I will be running this for both my group concurrently and see how their shit fucks with one another!

Here’s the final layout for the dungeon

Carousing Rules

Pink are positive outcomes, white are neutral or negative outcomes.

You can gamble 1, 2, or 3d6s.

Drop the number of dice you choose on the chart. If the die is on a line, it is moved into the box which the die occupies the most.

Add all the numbers together and x by 10. That’s how many Gold Bits you blew on your bender!

Death is the New Pink- Going Medieval on Yo Ass Carousing Table

Author: Mike Evans

I am the dude behind DIY RPG Productions. I have a fuck all punk rock attitude, love meeting new people, doing nature shit, and gaming (tabletop and console) and having a good time. I love craft beer (maybe too much), punk, grunge, and industrial music. I write books. Good for me.

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