I’m about done with the first draft of Death is the New Pink: Going Medieval on Yo’ Ass (DitNP: GMoYA), which is the “fantasy” version of Death is the New Pink! Now that I’m nearly done with the first draft I can start playtesting it. I will be running my group through the Forever Dungeon.
What is Death is the New Pink: Going Medieval on Yo’ Ass!
DitNP: GMoYA is a fantasy version of Death is the New Pink. It is inspired by rpgs like Earthdawn and Warhammer and movie
This strange, zany, twisted, and bizarre world setting uses a mash-up of the fun Into the Odd rules by Chris McDowall and The Black Hack by David Black plus my own variations/house rules and is inspired by Tank Girl, Mad Max, Adventure Time, the Evil Dead Trilogy, and RPGs like Earthdawn and Warhammer Fantasy Role-playing Game. Players take on the roles of Medieval Meat Bags that wander the twisting, packed and malformed streets of Flotsam, travel through this newly formed jungle world on various beasts of burden, or catch a ride on a zeppelin (should they dare). Their goal: to find Doodads, obtain materials for trade, or to cause mayhem, death and destruction just for the sake of it. Medieval Meat Bags have lost everything, their world is gone, and the new one is filled with horrific creatures and strange inhabitants, nearly all whom want to kill and devour the tender body of a Medieval Meat Bag, so the prospect of death is common and accepted as par of course. Death is the New Pink: Going Medieval on Yo’ Ass! is brutal, bloody, and chaotic. Things should be kept fast-paced and it’s more than fine if it doesn’t make sense! Character death is fairly common and should be embraced; a particularly blood death should be applauded and celebrated! Enjoy spreading chaos in the Yet-to-be-Wasted World (trust me, eventually it’s gonna go tits up… big time)!
The State of the World
“It was pretty bad… the skies turned upside down, the air became fetid and choking, my insides boiled, and I wretched until there was nothing left but dry heaving. And then nothing… Just empty darkness. I awoke covered in my own filth and someone had drawn huge genitals on my fucking forehead! That’s why I don’t dare drink Nasty Mimi’s hooch anymore! You’d have thought I’d have learned that after I got drunk on the stuff and got a giant tattoo on my back of me snugglin’ a kitten! Anyways, the way I felt after drinking that hooch was nothing compared to how I felt after waking up from The Tanks.
No one really knows how it all started, but basically every fucking bad thing you could imagine happening happened. The seas turned red, the skies boiled, death and disease, violent earthquakes, robot overlords (I didn’t even know what the hell a robot was until one blasted off my damned leg with their laser beams!), the undead rose up and walked the earth, horrible mutated beasts wandered the wilderness stalking us, demon princes spewed forth from the bowels of hell, killer clowns (have you see how scary those fuckers are?!), human sacrifices, cats and dogs living together, mass hysteria, and worse all happened at once! We call it the Calamity. Simple, right? Gets the point across…
No two ways about it; we were fucked. The great sages concocted a plan to save us. They called it The Tanks. These large vats were built in underground vaults constructed by the dwarves and filled with slimy alchemical liquids brewed by Mystics and elves. The chosen few (don’t ask me how I got on that list- I thought I was gonna die) were strapped into seats (they weren’t very comfortable) and submerged into the goo.
The idea was we’d sleep for just long enough for the evil crazy fucked up shit going on around the planet to burn itself out and we’d emerge, well-rested mind you, and reclaim our world. The sages anticipated that we’d sleep for two hundred years… well the jokes on us because we slept for two thousand years and all those crazy evil bastards are all still here. Now there may not be as many nasties as when it all started, but there are still plenty out there wanting nothing more than to fuck our faces with lasers, wear our hearts as jewelry, or lay eggs in our chest cavity!
The world as we knew it is gone! It’s all about setting out and killing the bad shit, finding Doodads to make us stronger, and getting piss drunk to blur out the horrors.
Anyways, all of this really isn’t important- I mean really- who cares about how the world got this way? The reality is at some point you’re gonna end up a bloody smear on the ground! It’s kill or be killed. Might as well fucking enjoy it!”
The Forever Dungeon
No one knows who built the Forever Dungeon, and let’s face it- no Medieval Meat Bag worth their weight in smoked sausage gives a shit. It’s a twisting labyrinth of rooms; some constructed of drab grey stone, others of smooth obsidian, others made of large vibrantly green jade bricks, and others of cool metal with alien technology infused throughout- so on and so forth.
Riddles and puzzles, traps, Nefarios, Gold Bits, and most importantly, Doodads, can be found throughout the rooms of the Forever Dungeon. Medieval Meat Bag after Medieval Meat Bag runs into this dangerous dungeon in the hopes of striking it rich or nabbing a powerful Doodad! Many don’t make it out, instead ending up a bloody smear on the ground.
However, there’s a couple catches (isn’t there always?): First- almost every time the Forever Dungeon is vacated of Medieval Meat Bags, it seems to rearrange itself (that’s just mean, right?!), so it makes mapping the damned thing impossible! Second- you may think you made it big with a bunch of powerful Doodads, but there is a pretty good chance they are illusions that only function when you’re in the Forever Dungeon. The moment you walk out the door: poof, they’re gone! Not all Doodads are illusions though, and that’s what keeps Medieval Meat Bags going back, time and time again- like rats in a maze hitting a button for a fucking food pellet!
Looting the Body
To find out what is on the body of a fallen Nefario, a player can roll 2-6 d6’s on this table. Whatever square the die occupies the most is what the player obtains. If multiples are rolled (i.e., two 3’s, four fives, etc.) then that means the item is cursed, trapped, or a random encounter occurs. If a die rolls off the table, it counts as finding nothing on the body, but the number still counts towards determining multiples. Feel something is unique– just cross it off and write something in it’s place.
Here’s the PDF: Death is the New Pink Loot Die Drop Chart PDF