I had character sheets ready to go and I had printed out one sheet of each class. The classes available were: Warrior, Thief, Conjurer, and Man-cat-bear-thing I create in a post a few weeks ago (see below):
Man-cat-bear-thing (race as class)
Starting HP: 12 +4
HP Per level/Rest: 1d12 HP/lvl
Weapons and Armor: Claws, Swords, Maces, and Ray Guns. Small and Large shields, no armor.
Weapon Damage: d8 / d6 improvising
can see in low-light (Nearby radius)
Super strong: Has Advantage on feats of strength for lifting stuff, breaking things, flexing muscles, etc (not attack rolls).
Once per hour can do impossible feats of strength and be awesome (IE. lift a huge pillar of cement/vehicle/rock/etc.) and throw it, push it, or whatever. No roll needed.
Treat as wearing leather armor (4 AP, natural). Once per combat cant ignore damage from one physical attack.
Roll to see if attributes increase, roll twice for STR and CON.
We started with chargen (which took all of 2 minutes- and I think they were impressed by that).
Tyler made a human Thief and Jamie made a Man-cat-bear-thing (they both rolled pretty terribly on stats) and I gave each a mook to accompany them.
Something Smells… Fishy?
The group started in the small rack-shamble village of Four Way Intersection, which was a shanty town in a field to the left of an ancient 20th century four way intersection, the sign bolted to the corrigated metal fence that surrounds the village, and a small purple-watered river running at the back of it.
The group was eating mushroom, lemongrass, and rodent stew while relaxing after a long journey to this area. As they were eating several villagers began screaming and running from the river as three horrid looking fishmen began attacking them.
Jamie and Tyler ran forward to beat the shit out of these creatures. Jamie made an impassioned speech to get others to fight for him. He succeeded, gaining the help of a scrawny young man and handlebarred mustache man.
The fight was quick, and two fishmen were downed, and the third escaped back to the river.
The villagers thanked the heroes for their help and pleaded with them to go up to the house on the hill and speak to Tin-Tin, the mad wizard who promised to devise a form of protection from further fishmen attacks. The village hadn’t heard from Tin-tin or his apprentice, Ronald, for several days.
Tyler and Jamie agreed and with their mooks, they set off up the hill.
The Great and Powerful Wizard!
The group went to the dilapidated house on the hill, which was an old town-house that was not holding up so well- the entire second floor had caved in. The group went in to the house and found it littered with junk and bits and baubles. Eventually they came into the back kitchen and called out for Tin-Tin and Ronald. Eventually they heard a metallic crunching and scraping noise; an old man wearing straightened out aluminum cans linked together with chain bits and wearing a bald cap with a sweat band around his head, holding a handheld radio.
The group looked at him, “you must be Tin-Tin.”
Tin-Tin looked at them, rubbed his shoulder, and grunted, “Yes I am! I am Tin-Tin the Junk Wizard. What do you want?!”
Tyler and Jamie explained that Four Way Intersection was under attack and needed the device he promised to make to protect them.
Tin-tin sighed and said, “Well I AM working on something for them, however my son of a bitch apprentice, Ronald, stole a invaluable tool from me, The Orb. I need it to finish the construction of the defenses.”
Tyler asked, “soooo if we get it for you, you’ll be able to finish all of this?”
“Yes! And make that little pansy, Ronald, cry! He’s hold up in an carousel park across the river with some thugs! Bring me The Orb and I’ll protect the village!” Ronald cried, “BRING ME THE ORB!”
IT’S WIZARD TIME!!!
The group went into the carousel park. Tyler failed to notice a noise trap, setting it off and making a clatter- alarming all nearby to their presence and getting sprayed in the face with a pink dye.
Oh and the group named their mooks.
Tyler named his mook Dave.
Jamie named his first mook Nit-Nit, the second mook was named Mook #2, and the handlebar mustache man was named Handlebarbara.
The noise attracted the attention of a mutated dog. The fight was quick, but Mook #2 was killed in the process.
The group then wandered past the restroom (although Tyler was excited that he recognized ancient Earth symbolism of male and female respite rooms that were bolted to the wall and bragged about it for a few) and wandered over to the dumpster junk shop. The shop owner, Heithcliff, complained that Roland had stolen all his goods and was forcing him to give up everything.
Tyler managed to sweet talk him into trading a torch for a mason jar full of a red liquid.
The group then wandered towards the carousel where three bozos wearing bondage suits were standing.
A quick exchange happened and one of the mooks said, “Hey boss! They guys are just heres to talk to you!”
The group heard a voice from behind the carousel, “Alright- we can talk! Let it rip, boys!”
One of the bozos grabbed a pull handle and gave it a tug. The carousel came to life for a few moments, spinning slowly, the lights flickering and the music coming out warbled. As the carousel spun around a man was laying across a table that old people typically sit on when riding with their grandkids or something. He had a mask with a weird fishfin top and a cape. The carousel faltered in front of the group.
“Right…” said the man. He got up and flapped open his cape, revealing he was wearing nothing more than a banana hammock and had an immense bong in his hand, “It’s Wizard time, bitches!”
I flashed this picture at my group and tried to introduce this like a Borderlands 1 & 2 boss fight. It was a great time.
The fight was hard. The group got the crap kicked out of them and all the mooks went down. Jamie and Tyler were both hurting by the end. Finally the group convinced Roland that they just wanted the stupid Orb they stole from Tin-Tin and didn’t want any part of his gang or carousel park. Roland said fine, gave them the orb, took a bong rip and vanished.
Off to See the Wizard… The Other Wizard
The group went back to Tin-Tin and gave him the exciting news of having The Orb. Roland was happy and reached out greedily for it. He grabbed it and started rubbing his shoulders and neck and making moaning noises.
“Oh thank god! My arthritis was killing me! My neck and back were so sore!”
Aside- I also pulled out this exact massager and began running it on my neck and back as Tin-Tin.
The group stared at me for a second, a little taken aback that they risked their lives for a massage roller. Then Jamie said, “You’re an idiot Tin-Tin… Just finish the device!”
And we ended there for the night.
The session was great fun and we had a ball. I made it as fun and silly as I possibly could and showed them the awesomeness that is Black Hack/rules-lite play and the kickassery that is OSR-style gaming!:)