Daily Archives: June 26, 2012

Everytime You Play a RPG Wrong Zeus Smites a Kitten

This is Important…. This means something….

Over the past few days there has been some discussion, some yelling, and some snark and hissy fits because Zak played Burning Wheel, and apparently played it WRONG…  I’m going to repeat that, because it’s the kind of statement that has been floating in our niche little hobby for awhile and it needs to be addressed.  He played a game that is designed (one would hope) to be fun, interactive, and a social outlet with a group of friends (and in fact they DID have fun).  Then people, not involved in playing with his group, told him he did it wrong.

How in the fuck can playing a game with a group of people and having fun and laughing and being creative…  be fucking wrong?  Telling someone that they are playing a game wrong is nothing short of a strange psychotic-buried-adolescent-issues type reaction.

Unfortunately Zak is not the only person who constantly seems to get flack for his creativity or the way he prefers to play games.  James Maliszewski (of Grognardia) and Jeff Rients (of Jeff’s Gameblog) have both posted, sadly, many times of being snarked at for something they have created, blogged about, or whatever.

Again- this is ludicrous.  First off..  It’s a game.  A GAME….  To engage in this hobby we gather with a group of people and sit around a table and play make believe.  We pretend we are elves, dwarves, barbarians, sneaky rogues, and wielders of magic… and here’s the kicker… For fun!

If you take all of this too seriously and get all worked up over something like role-playing to the point where you treat another human being like shit, then there is a chance that you believe that the imaginary voices in your head are real and that someday you really will wield the forces of the cosmos and smite the minions of Orcus…

Second..  I get a game being “right or wrong” when it is competitive/professional style play at a game shop or con, but if it’s in someone’s house and you’re not involved with how they play..  why give a shit?

Third… If you are involved in a game and not having fun because the way the group is rolling, then you need to have a calm and open dialogue with the GM and see if it can be worked out….  If not, keep on trucking… because you’ll most likely be able to find another gaming group to your liking.

Fourth… Honestly…  It’s make believe..  Why let it affect you?

Fifth…  You’re forgetting the most important thing..  The rules of Calvinball…  Once you can understand this concept, you are good to go with role-playing…

There are times that I really worry about this hobby…  We are surrounded by an ever-present stigma from people on the outside… either we’re nerds, heathens, or perverted devil worshipping psychopaths….  Do we really need all this infighting about shit that doesn’t matter?

Can’t we just let people play what games they want and how they want and say, “well I wouldn’t play that way, but you know what?  They look like they’re having fun..  Fucking awesome!” instead of ranting and raging and pissing all over someone for something that, quite frankly, isn’t your business?

Let bygones be bygones and enjoy what they like…  Have a smile and a beer (0r   coke).  Grab some friends, grab some dice..  and keep rolling… 

Aside: Zak’s impressions and fuck all attitude of playing a game and having fun: post 1, post 2.. Shame on him…. 


Aside 2: Here is an awesome post from Joesky about this as well!

Oh God.. What’s in This Bag?! and Random Effects of a Monster Attack! Tables

I created these tables and for the life of me I can’t remember what the hell for.  I’ve used both of them and it was fun to see the horror of my players faces.

The bag table I like because I’m tired of Goblins, Orcs, and Bugbears having normal shit….  I mean they can have that too, but I want really nasty stuff in there bags as well..

Oh God What is In This Bag

1- The Eyeballs of a Peeping Tom- When put in person’s mouth they can see through walls.  Lasts for 1d6 rounds before shriveling and dissolving.

2- Severed Head that must be placed on hand like a puppet.  When used in this fashion the head is able to talk and discern lies told to it.

3- Intestines of a Bloated Pig Demon- Can be used as high quality rope.  The stomach functions as a grappling hook.

4- Convulsing Sphincter Muscle of an Ox- Can be used as manacles.  Highly resistant to damage.

5- The Belly Buttons of Ten Slaughtered Virgins- When placed on the hands acts as small suction cups and aids in climbing.

6- A Vial of a Child’s Tears- Refreshingly invigorating to good chaps and horribly toxic to naught blokes.

7- Ulcerated Stomach of the Three Pronged Goat- Stomach is used as a bag that can hold items.  Problem is there is also a lot of random junk in there as well that just gets in the way..  Some of it is just plain weird.

8- Kidney Stones of Prisoners- Works as caltrops…  or daily rations.

9- Bladder of a Badger- Always full..  Always warm.  Can drink to avoid dehydration, but will become ill.

10- Face of a Scorned Lover- With this in hand a person can “rip off” their own face and wear this flesh and become a beautiful woman.   Charisma bonuses, voluptuousness, and attitude abound!  You are flooded with emotions and memories that are not your own and they are often acute and painful!  You can only take her face off when committing the act she was doing when she died….

And now….

Random Effects of Monster’s Attack on Your Personage

1- You jabber like an idiot unable to form complete sentences for 1d4 hours.

2- Pustules form all over your body, incredibly painful.  When popped an acidic substance oozes out that can be used as a weapon (1d4 damage).

3- You sprout a strange body part where the attack landed 1) Eye; 2) Mouth; 3) Nose; 4) Appendage; 5) External superfluous organ; 6) Ear.

4- Skin calcifies and becomes hardened, extremely painful.  Crumbles and chips with excessive movement.

5- The area around the wound liquefies and spills onto the ground, causing a slippery mess.  All in area must make a dexterity based save or fall prone.

6- The wound develops into a cyst that grows and becomes extremely painful over 1d10 days.  At the end of the incubation period the cyst erupts and miniature and deformed version of the character bursts forth.

7- The characters veins become a pale white color.  Their veins are now phosphorescent.  -4 to all stealth and hiding based checks.

8- The wound heals after one day (as does all damage from that particular attack- if not healed already)- after 1d4 days sharp pain wracks the character.  Looking at the wound something is crawling underneath the skin.  It must be cut out- 1) Centipedes; 2) Spiders; 3) Flies; 4) Maggots; 5) Earwigs; 7)Cockroaches; 8) Beetles.

9- The wound takes on a strange floral scent.  Bees are attracted to it and constantly attempt to build a hive in the wound.

10- The wound starts vomiting.  Yes vomiting.